I am the great Laharl. I have come to conquer this livejournal!!

RiverOfSinZ: :He slowly makes his way towards her from the darkness of the shadows, his red eyes slowly sweeping up and down her form as he came before her, his robes flowing around his massive form, tilting his head a bit as he spoke lowly to her: On your knees.

Morgan Rampage: ::The extremely male man looks down, and with dawning realization brushes off the dirt on his pants:: Thanks, I hadn't even noticed that.

"Though many diseases competed for the title of 'the silent killer,' this could not be said of the Peruvian Screaming Virus..."

I picked up a real winner tonight!

( Read more... )

(As the commercial begins, Vegeta faces the camera with a stern look)

VEGETA: As the Prince of Saiyans, I find myself in troubles and dangers mere mortals cannot possibly imagine. From the freakish...

(Still frame of FRIEZA)

VEGETA: To the unimaginable...

(Still frame of KID BUU)

VEGETA: To horrors so nightmarish I wish I could erase my own mind to forget them...

(Still frame of KRILLEN, with a dog biting his pants like a Coppertone Ad. Back to VEGETA, who continues speaking over all of this)

VEGETA: I've seen and done battle with it all. And when I need a quick pick me up in battle, there's nothing like...

(VEGETA holds up a red-and-white striped can with the words KI printed on it)

VEGETA: Canned Ki. In regular and new Extra-Evil.

(GOKU appears via Instantaneous Transmission)

GOKU: Hi, Vegeta! Want to fight? You know I'm way tougher than you and can whup your butt easily!

VEGETA: Want to bet?

(VEGETA pops open the can of Ki, guzzles it, crushes the can, tosses it over his shoulder, and holds one hand out at GOKU)

VEGETA: BIG BANG ATTACK!

(The screen goes white. When it clears, GOKU has a halo over his head. He looks impressed)

GOKU: Wow, Vegeta! That sure is some awesome power! But you know I'll just learn another cheap trick in the afterlife which will make me stronger than you again!

(VEGETA smirks, then turns back to the camera)

VEGETA: That's why Canned Ki now comes in super-concentrated jumbo size. Remember, with Canned Ki, the sleeper will awaken, and you will be the Prince of All Saiyans once again! KIIIYAH!

(VEGETA goes Super Saiyan, and the screen fades to white, then black)

As told by Coyote:

So one day way long ago I met the first adventurous tree. Now, the first adventurous tree was slow and boring. I don't know why that is. All adventurous trees are slow and boring, it's like a natural physical law. Anyway, this was back in the days where trees could move, they all moved. That's why the first adventurous tree *was* the first adventurous tree, because it said, "Hey, I'm gonna take root." So it did, and it rocked. The sun was shining, the dirt was good, water was coming up through the roots -- being rooted was easy and cool.

So then I came along, and said, "Hey, that tree can't move!" And I gave it the whizzing of its life.

Follow up to the story! I once met the world's oldest tree. The world's oldest tree, being the world's oldest tree, decided, "Hey, I'm going to take root." So it did, and it rocked. The sun was shining, the dirt was good, water was coming up through the roots -- being rooted was easy and cool.

So then I came along, and said, "Hey, that tree can't move!" Walked on up to it, and it dropped the biggest fucking branch ever on my head. I was out for a week.

So the lesson is, when you're young, keep moving around. When you get old enough to drop big fucking branches on people's heads, THEN you can take root.

How can you steal all of my pies and make them yours
Eating them down into your core, where they're quick to digest
Without my pies
My spirit lays down and it cries
Until you find it there and give it... a.. piece.

(Give me pies!)
Give me lots of pies
(I want some pies)
Give me lots of pies
(Pie me!)
Pumpkin apple lemon meringue pies!
(Give me pies!)
Turn on the oven
(I want some pies!)
Stick a pie right in
(Pie me!)
Save me from this hunger in my gut.

Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just eat it
Co-o-ok me a pie, and add whipped cream
Bring... me... a pie.

(Give me pies!)
Give me lots of pies
(I want some pies)
Give me lots of pies
(Pie me!)
Pumpkin apple lemon meringue pies!
(Give me pies!)
Turn on the oven
(I want some pies!)
Stick a pie right in
(Pie me!)
Save me from this hunger in my gut.
Bring me a pie
(I've been wanting a pie)
(There's hunger inside)
Bring me a pie

Frozen, the pie, without your touch, without your fine cooking
Only you can bake it to crisp golden brown

All this time I can't believe I couldn't eat
Wanted a pie, but it was there in front of me
I've been hungry a thousand years it seems
Not to open my mouth to banana cream
Without apple, without cherry, without key lime
Don't let my pie go, lost my appetite
Bring me a pie

(Give me pies!)
Give me lots of pies
(I want some pies)
Give me lots of pies
(Pie me!)
Pumpkin apple lemon meringue pies!
(Give me pies!)
Turn on the oven
(I want some pies!)
Stick a pie right in
(Pie me!)
Save me from this hunger in my gut!
Bring me a pie
(I've been wanting a pie)
(There's hunger inside)
Bring... me... a... pie!

To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love!
To extend our reach to the stars above!
Jesse!
James!
Team Rocket, blast-off at the speed of light!
Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
Meowth, dat's right!

( Or for political commentary... )

So it turns out virtually every battle quote in the game has a disturbing component of innuendo. Say, siliconrose, or anyone else who hasn't played the game -- avoid this. It contains spoilers (for both the game and innocence...)

( What Does Square Have In Mind Next? )

Unicron: Welcome, Smeagol.

Smeagol: Who...who says that?

Unicron: I have summoned you here for a purpose.

Smeagol: Nobody summons us but the precious!

Unicron: Then it pleases me to be the second.

Smeagol: What does it wants of us?! What does it wants?!

Unicron: This is my command. You are to destroy the Ring of Power. It is the One Ring, the ONLY ring, that can stand in my way!

Smeagol: You has nothing to fear... the Baggins, it takes the precious to the dark place! To the fires! The precious is already gone!

Unicron: You exaggerate.

Smeagol: The tricksy hobbitses is dead, and the precious gone with them!

Unicron: The Smeagol will be dead if it doesn't listen. The Ring has been intercepted by a leader of Gondor: Faramir. Destroy it for me.

Smeagol: Why?! Why shoulds we?!

Unicron: Your bargaining posture is highly dubious, but very well. I will give you a new name, and a new croaking noise in your throat.

Smeagol: Ands?

Unicron: ANDS NOTHING!... You belong to me.

Smeagol: We belongs to no one!

Unicron: Perhaps I misjudged you. Proceed... on your way to oblivion.

Smeagol: Aaaaaiee! No! NO! We accepts your terms... we accepts!

Unicron: Excellent. Behold... GOLLUM!

Gollum: We shall gets the precious, master... we shall gets it, gollum.

bani_euthanatos

Maureen likes big guns
And her fuzzy boy-toy Andrew
That Mage game was fun!

cathouse_blues

It feels good to rant
You know we'll help you however
We can. Be strong, dear!

cyfis

Clever and witty
But she keeps hooking me on
Video games!

dreamdancer
Gamer, role-player
Friendly and smart and fun; why
Can't she be nearby?!

healer_ferris

Ferris is Rydik's
Girl, and he loves her dearly since
She's so very cute!

isis

Isis is Isis
Not an ibis. Takes neat pics
So her icons rule!

moonmama

Awesome Penguin Queen
Extraordinairy poet
Cute webcam goddess!

nichevo

Female Indy Jones
College-student lady fair
Rock on, brilliant Spike!

nightbane_cat

Quiet Mockten twin
Takes after her dad Union
Whom she dearly loves.

pooka

Tough as iron nails
But fragile and precious as
A blown glass flower.

saffostarr

Completely insane
But it's to be expected
She IS an Aries.

siliconrose

A sweet rose at heart
Though Japanese confuses
Me, I (heart!) you still.

terimom

Everyone loves a
Short cute Teri with a large
Awesome family.

tigerkitty

She's now with her boy
In CA. Eligible
Males weep nationwide.

tigerphoenix
Five, seven, five can't
possibly express all that
Is great about her.

I just hit a Hickory Farms clearence sale.

I got four gift packs -- beef stick, chedam, cheese spreads, gouda, sweet-spicy mustard, crackers -- ordinarily $27 each. I paid $12 total.

I'm set up! :D

Punching Machine Scores:

Entrant # Name Score
n/a Mr. Satan 137
6 ?? 97
16 ?? 77
83 ?? 112
84 Android 18 (1st Try) 774
84 Android 18 (2nd Try) 203
85 Krillin 192
86 Goku 186
87 Ma Junior (Piccolo) 210
88 Vegeta Demolishes the Machine

Last night I was sitting here merrily staring at the screen bored out of my skull when my (new) roommate, who was packing his suitcase, drops it suddenly, jumps back, and starts yelling.

Apparantly he had brought a King-Sized Cockroach into the room with his suitcase, and it was crawling around inside his clothes. I handed him a poking stick, and he prodded the cockroach out, where it promptly disappeared. He found it a few minutes later in his shoe.

Noticing that he seemed more afraid of it than vice versa, I go to look. I take the stick from him as he starts babbling about how much he hates bugs, especially cockroaches. I whack the bag the cockroach is hiding under and send it scurrying into the empty closet.

"Let's just never open that closet again," my roommate says, proposing to shove a plastic bag under the door so it can't escape and will starve. Fat chance, says I -- I don't want it to escape. (And at this point, I'm angry at it for evading me.)

Brandishing the poking stick, I fling the door open and start jabbing at the cockroach. He was a fast little bugger, though, and I literally had to bat him back into the closet at one point. A quick sweep of the stick disabled it, and with one (old) shoe, I sent it to Cockroach Hell.

The lesson here? Dragons can beat Cockroaches hands down, any day of the week.