tigerphoenix is about midway through her visit to her family, and to my surprise I'm going crazy from the fact. Normally I'm able to just plug on with my routine and ignore these gaps, or capitalize them -- I completely rearranged my desk and computer setup because I didn't have a good reason to sit online and not do it, for example -- but something about this one is different. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's just because our phone calls have been low energy, or problems we have to deal with, but her missing is registering to my gut as "Something is horribly, horribly wrong with the world."

Hon, if you ever think I don't miss you, you're wrong. I've always been of the mindset to just keep going, and not let things like that get to me. I don't think you'd appreciate it if I sat around moping and miserable because you were gone. But I miss you, when you're not around. I really do.

I wish I was better at expressing myself. Actually, I wish I didn't have to express myself so often in the form of pure text. I suppose that's irony, because I'm a writer, and this should be my specialty. And I don't think I'm terrible at it. As a writer, though, I'm writing entirely under my own power, in a world I control. Writing to communicate with others, though, I'm trying to write about a world in which I'm one tiny little cog, and I really have no control to speak of.

If I had any control over it, the woman I love wouldn't be far away, lonely, and upset.

On an unrelated note... I forgot what I was going to say. The perils of posting at work.

Good night, honey. I love you.

tigerphoenix is here safe and sound, as those of you who've read her LJ might had discovered. We're debating going out for dinner tonight, but it all decides on what my stomach decides.

Stupid stomach! ::pounds on it to make it behave::

Awww. I have to stop.

Look over there, tigerphoenix!

::gets sat on::

Say, this is nice.

I'm reasonably recovered from the evil food poisoning, although the damage has been done; I'm ludicrously behind in ST reporting and other stuff, and I still have no energy to go to work.

tigerphoenix is en route to come take care of me for a week, proving she's wonderful beyond compare.

I hurt.

My family -- my mother, my stepfather, and my sister -- came into town today. They brought a lot of stuff, both mine -- all my 2nd edition D&D stuff! -- and new -- Christmas decorations like mad! I'm getting all my packages for out-of-town family taken care of, so that's cool.

We went to Sam's Club (they do have a card, tigerphoenix, but we need to go back anyway. ;) ), and Red Lobster. I'm so full of shrimp it's not funny.

It's cool to see them and all, but yet... stressful. I'm so accustomed to being on my own that when I have to deal with people like my family, it's just rough on me.

I miss my tigerphoenix desperately, and I'm so looking forward to her visit. Similarly, I miss cyfis and siliconrose. And to all of you who I've never met... well, I miss you too. I hope someday we all have the opportunity to see each other in person.

My other Christmas wish, of course, is that my upstairs neighbor is noisy all night -- so I can get that bitch booted out.

Sentimental dragon.

As of today I am now officially certified by the Red Cross to perform CPR and first aid.

Thank you, tigerphoenix, for being you, my heart, my love.

Thank you, siliconrose and cyfis, for being true friends.

Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away.

So much for plans. No Chamber of Secrets for me today, since I've been called in to work a ten hour day today. Sure, it's just the last day I have to spend with my tigerphoenix for four months; sure it's the only thing I've had to really look forward to in a while; sure it totally breaks my heart, but... that's the way of the world.

My tigerphoenix is on her way to visit. Or will be in a few hours.

And we have tickets for Chamber of Secrets on Saturday. Yes, we're just big kids at heart.

To My tigerphoenix,

I will stand by you, and with you, until the end of time. I will care about you forever, and be by your side through everything and anything life can throw at us. I will never leave you.

Sincerely,
Your Dragon

Where have I been?

My mother remarried. I've been attending the wedding.

Where am I going?

To stay with my tigerphoenix.

What will I be doing?

Having fun. And addressing some problems that have come up for my role-playing, both IC and OOC.

Who am I?

I am the Dragon of Life. Love me. Or hate me. Anything in-between is more or less impossible, for me. But whichever you choose, don't do it half-assed. I don't.

But I prefer to love, and be loved, by you.

Yay! I've got a tigerphoenix!

Thank you for all the birthday wishes.

I (heart) you all. :)

I'm broken.

tigerphoenix is on her flight home, now. As I write this, she's probably on the plane, but not yet in the air. Waiting for it to carry her away from Pittsburgh, and me. And probably crying, like I am now.

Already I'm so lonely. I look around my room and it feels empty, hollow. Her suitcase isn't here any more. Her jacket isn't hanging on the door. It's so empty.

It's bitterly ironic that I need a hug the most because I sent my source of hugs away.

I'm broken. I'll mend, but right now, I'm broken.

Hey.

Where have I been? More like, where am I still. The short story is that for the past five weeks, and probably extending into the next two months if not more, Verizon has refused to provide my apartment with the DSL service I am supposed to have. I can't check e-mail, chat, or read LJ.

Well, I made an exception this one time, because I thought it was necessary.

Just so you know, I'm all right. The plane that went down was nowhere near here. We haven't had a breath of local excitement all day.

I'll be back for good as soon as I can. I can't make outgoing phone calls, but I'd be more than happy to take incoming. Ask Ellen for my number. I don't want to post it here.

I love you. I love you all. Please take care of yourselves, and each other.

Friends are good.

Sometimes emotion just becomes too much...

Sometimes distance is too great...

A year without seeing her smile, or holding her...

I hate it when I cry.

::snicker:: All these posts from people still in the "infatuation" phase of love amuse me. They warm my heart too, though.

I guess I would put myself in the second stage -- the stage where your loved one becomes a part of your life you expect to be there and rely on, rather than something new to be marveled over and engulfed by.

This isn't a bad thing, of course, and neither is the infatuation-love. I do long for that kind of moment, at times, but it isn't as if I never have them either. It's the difference between looking at someone, and moving forward with them by your side.

And I'm happy.