2008: The Year of the Headache.

My job can be rough on me, namely my neck. Last night, however, was probably the worst I'd ever had it.

By the time I left work last night, my neck was on fire. Muscle tension and stress combined to make my muscles tight bands of sheer and exquisite pain, stretching up into my skull and giving me a nightmare of a headache. I went to sleep thankful that sweet unconsciousness would heal my wounds and I wouldn't need to experience it in the meantime.

That was at three. I woke up a couple of times during the night to discover, to my dismay, that I felt no better at all. Finally, at seven, I had to get up for an hour to down ibuprofen, massage my neck, and apply a hot water bottle. Then I went back to sleep and didn't get up again till my alarm woke me at two.

I feel a little better, but I know it's gonna recur. I can feel it.

Hoo boy, I'm a mess.

The other night I had the worst headache I can remember having, ever. Foolish me felt it coming on, but forgot to take my ibuprofen to work that day. The mild, mobile point of pain inside my head, perfectly bearable at the beginning of the twelve-hour shift, was all but forgotten once my neck erupted into searing, screaming pain. A good description would be a screw in the base of my neck, with the muscles extending upwards wrapped around it, stretching tighter and tighter till it felt like they would burst. Not long after that reached its crescendo my head erupted in splitting agony. By the end of the night I was both dizzy and nauseated, and honestly a little afraid to drive home. A ton of ibuprofen and food when I got home salved the ache, and sweet sleep cured it soon after.

I discovered yesterday that a job had opened up in CMU Housing. I worked there for the entirety of my college career, and I can only hope they remember me. I think it's work I could do very well at, and it'd be a definite jumping-off point for my future if I got it. Much more so than my current job. For that reason alone I'm sure I won't get it. Just get me an interview, I pray; I hope my cover letter will distinguish me in that. If not, I keep looking. I can transfer internally in just a few days, if I find a good place to work.

I'm a mess lately. I'm working morning shifts, which I simply find it impossible to acclimate to. I could stand getting up at 8, or even 7, but 6 AM is a bit too much for such a dedicated night owl. So much of the time I spend wandering about in a foggy, sleep-deprived daze.

I'm storngly considering creating a blog just for the expression of my philosophy and beliefs in essay format. I have a lot of these, a lot more than people would credit to me just to begin with, and it would be a nice writing exercise. Who knows, maybe I'd even get some widespread attention out of it. I'm a good writer, I should write.

I've actually been accomplishing writing lately, which pleases me. Not at the pace I want, but a random schedule and an unstable life situation naturally impede progress. My eternal thanks to those who read my writing and help me improve it.

So tired.

Woke up this morning to searing pain! My calf muscle had locked so badly I couldn't move it at all. I had to reach down and wrench my foot back into place to get it to unlock. When I actually got up, it was so stiff I couldn't even walk.

It's not so bad now, but still painful. How did I do that?!

I really need to find some way to adjust my sleep schedule so it is not constantly kicking my ass.

If only things would adjust so that I could work 10-6, that would help even a little. Stupid life.

I'm broken.

tigerphoenix is on her flight home, now. As I write this, she's probably on the plane, but not yet in the air. Waiting for it to carry her away from Pittsburgh, and me. And probably crying, like I am now.

Already I'm so lonely. I look around my room and it feels empty, hollow. Her suitcase isn't here any more. Her jacket isn't hanging on the door. It's so empty.

It's bitterly ironic that I need a hug the most because I sent my source of hugs away.

I'm broken. I'll mend, but right now, I'm broken.

So... much... MegaMan X5...

Hands hurting... carpal tunnel syndrome sinking in... fingers locked in shape of controller...

Zero kicks ass...

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...

Just when I thought things were getting better...

My refrigerator breaks.

My pain is complete.

I'm sick. Back three days and I've got a goddamn cold.

What did I do to deserve this? Huh? What the hell did I do to make the goddamn universe say, "Hey, he's not suffering enough, let's slap him around some more?"

Woke up incredibly sick this morning, with a headache the size of a mountain and as painful as a drill to the head. Cold pills took care of that, but totally wiped me out. I dragged myself home when class ended and took a nap for two hours.

I NEVER nap. I feel like I've betrayed myself. But I felt infinitely better once I woke up. Though I'll be in trouble for skipping out of work...

Still sick. Lonely, too. But the NyQuil is safe with a friend, where I can't get to it.

Oh my god...

the pain... the sheer agony of this headache...

oh god