And so, Dragon found himself abandoned and unrefuged, facing the dark cold hours alone...

Man, overnight shifts really drag when there's a dozen patients or so. Why did they all have to come in? I wanted to read. I really wanted to just read a book all night and get paid for being here. But now I'm just working infrequently, and restless as hell the rest of the time.

Is it 7:00 yet?

tigerphoenix is about midway through her visit to her family, and to my surprise I'm going crazy from the fact. Normally I'm able to just plug on with my routine and ignore these gaps, or capitalize them -- I completely rearranged my desk and computer setup because I didn't have a good reason to sit online and not do it, for example -- but something about this one is different. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's just because our phone calls have been low energy, or problems we have to deal with, but her missing is registering to my gut as "Something is horribly, horribly wrong with the world."

Hon, if you ever think I don't miss you, you're wrong. I've always been of the mindset to just keep going, and not let things like that get to me. I don't think you'd appreciate it if I sat around moping and miserable because you were gone. But I miss you, when you're not around. I really do.

I wish I was better at expressing myself. Actually, I wish I didn't have to express myself so often in the form of pure text. I suppose that's irony, because I'm a writer, and this should be my specialty. And I don't think I'm terrible at it. As a writer, though, I'm writing entirely under my own power, in a world I control. Writing to communicate with others, though, I'm trying to write about a world in which I'm one tiny little cog, and I really have no control to speak of.

If I had any control over it, the woman I love wouldn't be far away, lonely, and upset.

On an unrelated note... I forgot what I was going to say. The perils of posting at work.

It's been... 68 hours since I've last seen another human being. Eight days and 15.5 hours since I've spoken face-to-face with another human being that wasn't a cashier or their like. And I'm slowly going insane! Fortunately, it's a cartoony, good kind of insane (well, fun to watch, anyway). Laziness and productivity war within me! Dueling banjos!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm going crazy. I have nothing to do, no one to talk to. It feels like everyone has walked away from me, left me behind...

Outside of work and LARP settings, I haven't seen or spoken to another person in weeks. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm going freaking crazy here from sheer isolation!

Where is everyone, and why wasn't I invited to where you are?

My cat Zelda died recently. My mother called me today to tell me the news. She wasn't a young cat any more... Evidently it was just her time to go. She led a long and happy life, and she was loved.

Goodbye, little kitty. I'll miss you.

Nothing is going right. Work is disintegrating around me, as I'm still working in the mid-50 hours a week. State inspections are coming, and I'm working hard to get things up to par for that -- but our new employee blew off med training and it's questionable if he'll even show up tonight for his shift. Of course, if he doesn't, we're fucked, but after him blowing off the training, we're probably fucked for a whole month anyway. Likely I'll have to start going in at 7 AM instead of eight, so I can administer meds and do the med count.

Beyond that, I have to deal with any number of extra things and random stupidity associated with work. I need to put my foot down on this; I'm getting yanked and pulled every which way because other people can't keep their shit together, and it needs to stop.

I have a vacation coming up starting next Friday, but that barely gives me any comfort because we don't have the slightest plan or system for handling the transport, crash space, pick-ups, drop-offs... genesisangel, come on, I could really use the psychological reassurance of knowing we've got this thing put together!

On the homefront, my personal life doesn't exist, between work, cyfis being tied up with her grandmother, and not having anyone else in the city to hang out with. I could really use a break, but I don't know how to take it.

There are any number of additional problems I don't want to go into here. The point, I guess, is that life stinks right now, and I really think I'm beyond my ability to adequately cope.

Well, if not the absolute worst, at least in the top three.

Being sick, I can handle. (Even if it is something pestilent and bizarre that won't go away).

Moving I can handle, even if it is a whole house, with incompetent movers, and all sorts of unexpected problems cropping up...)

Having my car break down -- the car I've had for five weeks, without warning, out of the blue, while at work -- on top of everything else... Well, that's too much to handle.

Wraith's at the dealership (I assume, they never called me) to deal with what I think is an electrical problem. Ideally it will be uncomplicated to fix, however I still won't be able to pick it up until I can prevail on the good graces of tigerphoenix to drive me down there. Assuming it gets fixed any time soon. Assuming they even got it. The way this day is going, I honestly believe both the dealership and the towing company will deny ever having seen it.

Oh yeah, and add in the fact that I haven't been able to get in touch with the one person who could help me feel a little better, give me just a little perspective, make anything worthwhile... God. I'm tired, lonely, absolutely miserable, and for once I'm perfectly justified in being that way. That in itself is a perverse feeling.

Stood up for dinner. My life sucks.

Broken the boundary. I'm no longer suffering from mild depression; it's become quite serious.

Why? Well, work is exhausting me. The stress from being responsible for the well-being of six people is tremendous, particularly since I've spent the last couple of nights as the only person there. Did I mention the co-worker I'll be working with for the next few days does nothing, leaving me to do all the work?

My role-playing is shot to hell, now. The only thing left for me to do is play Devil May Cry all night. Don't get me wrong, I like Devil May Cry, but I want to roleplay. I want to and I can't.

I feel like somewhere along the line I've lost track of most of the people on my friends list. Everything's changed, and I don't think I like the changes. I don't know what to do any more.

I feel empty. Empty and motionless. Frozen, perhaps.

I don't know how to express it. Except to say that I'm alone. That I'm lonely.

Hello, sudden bout of lonliness.

Mmmm.

I'm lonely. I've been internalizing stress, anger, and rage for a long time now, and I really need an outlet for it. In the meantime, I feel more isolated from people than I like at all.

Anyone wanna talk to me? Just talk?

I'm broken.

tigerphoenix is on her flight home, now. As I write this, she's probably on the plane, but not yet in the air. Waiting for it to carry her away from Pittsburgh, and me. And probably crying, like I am now.

Already I'm so lonely. I look around my room and it feels empty, hollow. Her suitcase isn't here any more. Her jacket isn't hanging on the door. It's so empty.

It's bitterly ironic that I need a hug the most because I sent my source of hugs away.

I'm broken. I'll mend, but right now, I'm broken.

I need a hug.

Actually, I need about a thousand or so at this point.

But even one would be nice.

Roommate gone.

This is good.

But I'm lonely. So lonely. Sometimes I don't know how I keep going...

Why was I looking forward to today?!

It's started off lousy. My roommate is gratuitously skipping class (for about the seventh time this week...), thus depriving me of any time to myself. Worse, he's still asleep, leaving this room dark and lifeless.

I'm all lonely. And bored.

::sighs::

Hmmm...

I think actually what I want is a good conversation with someone other than myself.

I'm sad and lonely and very frustrated. :(

I'm so hungry, and lonely besides.

Bad combination.

You know, my roommate may be sick -- but there is absolutely, positively NO WAY he could be as disgusting as he is without conscious effort.

My god.

Well, looks like a long day of nothing ahead of me. Chrono Cross and Breath of Fire IV war for my attention -- but no, I think I'm going to start FFIX. It isn't as if I have anything else to do. There was supposed to be a Christmas party, of sorts, but I don't see any signs of it happening... ah well.

A lonely life, but at least I always have my trusted video games.

I feel isolated.

I really don't know why.