Today I was the victim of gender discrimination at work.

As pretty much everyone who knows me should know, I have long hair. And Oh Em Gee I am a *guy.*

Now the hospital dress code technically requires that hair longer than the collar must be worn back. Many of the nurses and other employees flout this rule constantly, and observing them getting away with it, I did the same, in expectation of... well, exactly what happened.

True to expectations, of all the people here who ignore the rule, who do the higher-ups in the administration inform my director to talk to about?

Everyone spread the word: UPMC Shadyside discriminates againts its employees based on gender.

It may be trivial, but it isn't a joke.

If you want to change the policy, change the fucking policy. Don't decide it doesn't work after I do the same thing I always do, change it, and then yell at me for not doing the new thing.

Fucking assholes.

Fuck you too, Taco Bell.

AAAAAH! MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH! FUCKING ALARM! WHY DIDN'T YOU GO OFF?!?! MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I FUCKING MISSED THE GODDAMN LUNCHEON! NOW I HAVE TO FUCKING GO HUNGRY!! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!

The goddamn stupidass selfish bitch who lives above me used up every goddamn drop of the fucking hot water this morning. She emptied the goddamn hot water tank. Literally. There is no difference between the hot water knob and the cold water one at this point.

THANKS A LOT ASSHOLE! Not like there's anyone in the whole fucking world but you! Why on earth would it bother me to spend a long and miserable twelve hours at work feeling gritty and filthy?! NO THAT WOULDN'T BOTHER ANYONE WOULD IT!!!

God. The only thing keeping me out of jail for aggravated assault right now is the fact that I'm not going to go into her apartment to injure her.

RAGE.

My schedule for today was written like this:

11-7 M
7-11 E

What that means, roughly translated, is that I work 11-7 in one part of the emergency room, and 7-11 in another.

What it clearly does not say, you note, is that the 11-7 is PM to AM.

Who the fuck writes in reverse chronological order? Who puts 7-11p AFTER 11p-7a?! Who the fuck thinks they're funny? Someone is getting an ANGRY, ANGRY e-mail about this.

RAAAAAAH!

Why the hell must every single department in this hospital be incompetent except for us? Give us our damn beds, stop fucking up our computer system, and let us do our damn jobs!

Bad mood? Yes. Bad mood.

And a lot of reasons for it too.

I don't have friends. Really, I don't have friends at all. I have two good friends, or friends I consider to be so, in a city of a million or so. Most other people I have met dislike me from the outset, or come to dislike me over time. I have a few more online, who generally tolerate me. The funny thing is that people don't understand that I consider this to be a serious defect or flaw in me, one I have no idea how to correct. Essentially,I'm so dysfunctional a human being I'm incapable of having normal social ties. This is a very, very serious flaw, people.

I'm tired of friends who are perfectly good to me in almost all situations, yet in a specific set of circumstances throw me to the wolves to appease a whiny, spoiled crybaby. People wonder why I feel like I don't deserve fair treatment; it's because frequently, I don't get it, to the acknolwedgment of all. I wish my existence counted for anything, when arguments are made about people being driven away or people not doing this or that, but it always means, "people who are not me." If I disappeared tomorrow, what would it matter? And yet then no one quite understands why I'm in a bad mood, when my so called friends won't talk to me and make it so I can't participate in activities they supposedly enjoy sharing with me. I'm hurt that they choose someone spiteful, cruel, and childish over me.

I'm tired of no one ever having a good word to say about me. Everyone I know is lightning-quick to point out my flaws, my mistakes, my problems. People will cheerfully recount a list of my mistakes, my flaws, to me. And then they have the nerve to get mad when I interpret "You are nothing but flaws" as "you are worthless."

Listen very carefully to this message.

If you tell me, over and over again, that I have no good points, that I am nothing but a flawed person, that IS the same as telling me I am worthless. Because a person utterly lacking in quality or value HAS NO WORTH.

Does that make sense, people? Because if it doesn't, you sincerely need to have your head checked for a deficiency in logic. If the sky is blue, don't get mad at someone for believing it's blue. And if you TELL someone the particles in the sky scatter blue light in greater amounts than other colors, don't get mad at them for believing the sky is blue.

In short, god DAMN I'm in a bad mood.

Fucking son of a bitch!

I can't get the god-damn job at UPMC I want, it seems. I'm convinced now that they've either filled it or otherwise totally given me a pass and just won't tell me. Meanwhile, I could get a job at Office Depot -- if I weren't working all the fucking time at Kaufmann's! I work during the DAY! They do interviews during the DAY! RARGH! FUCKING HELL!

God dammit! I'm just fucked! I can't make ends meet, I can't get a job other than "slave laborer", and I can't figure out where I'm going wrong that I can't survive any more! Fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked, I'm fucked!

The whole world can go to hell.

Oh, this is fucking BULLSHIT. Some idiot down at my local social security office LOST my application for a replacement social security card. No history. Not in the system. Nothing. So not only do I have to go down there again TODAY to get it, this means I'll be lucky to get my card by the 21st -- meaning I can't *work*. I can't do my damn JOB because I don't have my social security card to prove that I'm authorized to work in the United States.

This. Fucking. SUCKS. And I am so absolutely furious at this I can't even begin to express my sheer anger.

Oh, that's it. That's fucking it

Today at work the Bitch showed up unannounced. The Bitch is a woman from another region who basically comes into the house I run, complains about every single damn thing, and demands I change it all. Today, however, her purpose served an alternate purpose.

Now, I'm mature enough to realize that the house I run is not perfect. Check my record, and anyone can see how much effort I put into making sure it DOES get improved -- despite the grumblings and groanings of the people who are in charge of the finances. And I know cleaning has been an issue, and I've been working on that.

I can accept, and have accepted, someone telling me, "There's a problem with your site, it needs to be addressed, let's do this." I WILL NOT ACCEPT PERSONAL ATTACKS.

And that's what today was. I was told in no uncertain terms -- by a woman who has only ever been in my house three times -- that I was incompetent, a liar, ineffective -- that basically I just sit around and watch TV all day. And anyone, anyone who knows me and how much work I do for that damn agency knows that's a lie.

I'm so angry over this. I am absolutely *livid*, and this is hours later. At the time I was so angry that -- once she was gone -- I screamed, quite literally at the top of my lungs. Repeatedly.

I'm out of that job, as soon as I find the first viable alternative. That sort of arrogant, sniveling disrespect is something I will *not* take. I will not take that shit at all.

AAAAAAAIGH!!!!!

WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR BRAIN, UTENA TENJOU!

MY LIFE IS RUINED! RUINED!

I am the living embodiment of pure, unadulterated, visceral rage! RAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Goddamn motherfucking pieces of shit, blasting their fucking music and fucking talking at the tops of their fucking lungs, as if there's fucking no one else in the fucking world but fucking them. What the fuck happened to common courtesy? Why the fuck am I the only fucking person in the whole fucking world who goes to be before fucking four in the fucking morning? How the fuck did I get myself into this fucking situation again?

I swear to God, I will get this fucking SETTLED if I have to kill them all. If I have to kill them fucking ALL, I will have fucking PEACE when I sleep.

I was right.

Fucking Telerama and fucking Verizon fucked up the fucking upgrades so fucking bad that I can barely fucking connect to the fucking internet fucking once every fucking five minutes, and they say it'll be fucking "fixed" fucking "soon" but have no fucking clue how fucking soon fucking "soon" IS, which fucking means it won't be fucking fixed for fucking months!

Fuck!

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to my next-door neighbor playing music.

Now, staying awake till 4:30, that I can understand. But music? Especially when, in his own words, he has a "large subwoofer"?

And it didn't occur to this nimrod that BASS TRAVELS THROUGH WALLS? "I turned it down pretty low!" he whined. HEL-LO! Take an elementary physics course!

God! Why does everyone suck but me?!

Words cannot adequately express the pure fury I am feeling right now.

Spending my life in jail would be a very, very small price to pay for one murder.

Gyah! ::powers up his Beam Saber and slices things to ribbons::