I've been accused of being an attention-whore.

I don't deny that appearences are like that, but I think there's another explanation.

To begin with -- I'm an empath. That means I pick up on the emotions of others. That's important to know.

I want people to be happy. Especially people I care about. When other people are happy, I can feel happier.

(This isn't a universal rule. There are dozens of other factors that influence my happiness -- my wants and needs, my surroundings, even whether or not I've eaten. But let's take all that as a given.)

So how do I make sure people are happy? By getting involved with what they're doing, frequently. So I can guide them and help them. The problem therein is knowing when to step back and not get involved -- but that's usually only part of the story anyway...

Conversely, when people I care about are unhappy, I try to take the blame. For one, it's the only real way I have of dealing with the additional stress -- to impose a measure of control on something I can't control at all. For another, I think it's much easier for people to feel better if they have someone to blame rather than a cruel and arbitrary universe.

Is this the right way to go about doing things? Not at all. But the unhappiness of others hurts me. It hurts me very deeply. I'm not sure how to properly express it, except to say I share that unhappiness on a very deep and personal level. I don't know of any real way to protect myself from that pain, or cope with it. I don't have any empathic shields, after all; I'm not trained in this at all, and probably never will be.

I'm not trying to excuse my stupidity, just explain it. I'm trying to cope as best I can. I've been conditioned so that my best is rather poor performance.

I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better.

I finally got around to taking the Trigun character test:

# 1 Vash the Stampede
# 2 Rem Saverem
# 3 Nicholas D. Wolfwood
# 4 Kuroneko-Sama
# 5 Legato Bluesummers

Demonstrating his similarity to his player, Rydik nightbane_rydik turned out similarly:

# 1 Vash the Stampede
# 2 Rem Saverem
# 3 Milly Thompson
# 4 Nicholas D. Wolfwood
# 5 Kuroneko-Sama


And curiously, Drake Valkonan valkonan came out like this:

# 1 Legato Bluesummers
# 2 Milly Thompson
# 3 Meryl Stryfe
# 4 Brilliant Dynamites Neon
# 5 Vash the Stampede

bani_euthanatos

Maureen likes big guns
And her fuzzy boy-toy Andrew
That Mage game was fun!

cathouse_blues

It feels good to rant
You know we'll help you however
We can. Be strong, dear!

cyfis

Clever and witty
But she keeps hooking me on
Video games!

dreamdancer
Gamer, role-player
Friendly and smart and fun; why
Can't she be nearby?!

healer_ferris

Ferris is Rydik's
Girl, and he loves her dearly since
She's so very cute!

isis

Isis is Isis
Not an ibis. Takes neat pics
So her icons rule!

moonmama

Awesome Penguin Queen
Extraordinairy poet
Cute webcam goddess!

nichevo

Female Indy Jones
College-student lady fair
Rock on, brilliant Spike!

nightbane_cat

Quiet Mockten twin
Takes after her dad Union
Whom she dearly loves.

pooka

Tough as iron nails
But fragile and precious as
A blown glass flower.

saffostarr

Completely insane
But it's to be expected
She IS an Aries.

siliconrose

A sweet rose at heart
Though Japanese confuses
Me, I (heart!) you still.

terimom

Everyone loves a
Short cute Teri with a large
Awesome family.

tigerkitty

She's now with her boy
In CA. Eligible
Males weep nationwide.

tigerphoenix
Five, seven, five can't
possibly express all that
Is great about her.