I've been accused of being an attention-whore.

I don't deny that appearences are like that, but I think there's another explanation.

To begin with -- I'm an empath. That means I pick up on the emotions of others. That's important to know.

I want people to be happy. Especially people I care about. When other people are happy, I can feel happier.

(This isn't a universal rule. There are dozens of other factors that influence my happiness -- my wants and needs, my surroundings, even whether or not I've eaten. But let's take all that as a given.)

So how do I make sure people are happy? By getting involved with what they're doing, frequently. So I can guide them and help them. The problem therein is knowing when to step back and not get involved -- but that's usually only part of the story anyway...

Conversely, when people I care about are unhappy, I try to take the blame. For one, it's the only real way I have of dealing with the additional stress -- to impose a measure of control on something I can't control at all. For another, I think it's much easier for people to feel better if they have someone to blame rather than a cruel and arbitrary universe.

Is this the right way to go about doing things? Not at all. But the unhappiness of others hurts me. It hurts me very deeply. I'm not sure how to properly express it, except to say I share that unhappiness on a very deep and personal level. I don't know of any real way to protect myself from that pain, or cope with it. I don't have any empathic shields, after all; I'm not trained in this at all, and probably never will be.

I'm not trying to excuse my stupidity, just explain it. I'm trying to cope as best I can. I've been conditioned so that my best is rather poor performance.

I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better.