(no subject)

[dragonoflife]

I regret the existence of that facet of my personality, whatever it is, that causes people to believe I am more evil than Satan and more malevolent than the Antichrist.

I regret that somehow my every statement can be twisted into one of hostility, vitriol, deliberate offense, or just plain distaste.

I regret that I can always manage to make people loathe me.

But after so many years and so much time, all I can do is sigh in quiet depression and accept that I am this flawed, that charisma was my dump stat, and that no power I possess can change this fact.

No matter how much pain it causes or how much grief I go through because of it.

Comments

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

The thing which makes me entirely cautious of you is your Eeyore like attitude. "Nobody loves me. No one's my friend. I guess everything's always my fault. Everybody hates me. I guess I'll just give up."

Before anyone's hackles raise, I will say plainly and honestly, outside of your blog postings I do not know you at all. I have not met you in person, so I cannot say anything that I am about to go on about is accurate. Good chances are I am way off my mark, but I can only work with what I know.

If all anyone ever knew of me were my depressing posts/things/conversations, they would no doubt begin to imagine that is ALL I am. How many people do you think want to be around that?

How long does it take, do you think, if you insist on telling people that you think you must be some sort of horrible person before they begin to believe it?

Attitude is everything. You come across as the type of person to give up before there's any reason to--"Well I might as well not do anything because it's going to end in a pile of crap anyway."

And with that sort of attitude, it will. Why should anyone try with someone like that if they aren't even going to try themselves?

Hopefully, that made sense. It probably won't help you at all, and--I am sorry if this offends--but I am expecting a, "Well I tried already and it didn't work so I am done trying/been hurt too many times to continue" response...And to me, that just sorta...proves my point.

Life is what you make of it. If you make it a bag of suck, it's going to be a big bag suck.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

For the record, there are people out there who love me, care about me, or even like me a great deal. This is good, and has time has passed I've learned to acknowledge this.

I have no need to bitch about these people. So I don't. I bitch about my ability to cause other people, many but not all other people, to see the absolute worst in everything I say or do.

But I wouldn't keep running into these people if I didn't keep trying!

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't clear. The words in "" were an example only of the Eeyore effect and meant as an example of what I see as the general attitude I get to see from you on line.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

Well, we don't converse regularly and I don't post frequently these days, and when I do it's often to bitch. ^.^

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

I'm able to read most of your journal entries that aren't filtered. My observance still stands--it's not a recent thought. I've had this impression of you since I've known Ellen.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

And something I've been working on improving. I do think, at least in my own mind, there's a difference between thinking nobody likes me, and observing that I seem to be an incredibly polarizing person!

lolol - couldn't resist

[ehzoterik.livejournal.com]

Dragon's Character Sheet

Strength:       18
Dexterity:       18
Constitution:       18
Intelligence:       18
Wisdom:       10
Charisma:       7


Based on 2nd Edition rules, I give you the benefit of the doubt. Your strength has to be at least 18 because you can definitely carry at least 110 pounds. I weigh 100, and you don't seem to break out much of a sweat carrying me around when I sit on your shoulders.

Being a DDR champion, better at it even than me, I had to at least give you an 18 dexterity. I pride myself on my amazing powers of dexterity, but I'm still not as quick as you on my feet.

I don't often hear you complaining about being sick, but I also have to take into account that you regularly take a beating and keep on keeping on. Therefore I also I gave you a high constitution.

Yeah, okay. You're also book smart. Your vocabulary still overpowers my own. Despite how often I roll my eyes whenever you claim to have a high IQ, I still have to give it to you. You're smart. Wise, on the other hand? No.

As for your charisma, dude? Give yourself some credit. You do, at least, have some henchmen. The likelihood of them turning on you, negative loyalty base, is a possibility at times, however.

Re: lolol - couldn't resist

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

You can't seriously be implying I'm at the absolute human peak of strength, dexterity, constitution, and intelligence. I can't even be flattered because I'm so convinced you've misremembered the system!

My strength is probably 13. Yes, I can carry you, no I can't carry you indefinitely without strain. ^.^

I'm certainly not a DDR champion, I'm just better than you. Or was. :D Many, many, many people are much better than me, and I'm constantly tripping, stumbling, hitting myself, or being generally clumsy. DDR is more due to rhythm than skill.

Con I put around 13; I don't have anywhere near as much endurance and stamina as I'd like, but I do heal quickly and possess general good health.

Int is easy: 15. IQ:Int is 10:1, as a general rule.

Wisdom and Charisma I agree with you on. :)

Re: lolol - couldn't resist

[ehzoterik.livejournal.com]

Not misremembering, dude. I totally got out my book, opened it, and was reading the charts. Weight allowance for a strength of 18 is 110 pounds. Max press I don't remember, though. Weight allowance for a strength of 17 is 95 pounds. Max press is something like "how much can you bench press?" If you can answer that question then I can always modify. I was basing it on a backpack made of me, since weight allowance is generally how much weight your character can shove into a backpack and manage to lug around without strain. XD

If it makes you feel any better, I've always calculated in my strength at maybe 7. I honestly can't carry around more than 25 pounds and put a limit on being able to lift even 50. I actually start hurting myself at 30. I'm a weakling.

Re: lolol - couldn't resist

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

Weight allowance is carrying unencumbered. Trust me, I was encumbered. (Which is to say I couldn't have moved at a normal pace for any substantial distance, even setting aside the leverage involved. Besides, human beings aren't dead weight.)

Re: lolol - couldn't resist

[ehzoterik.livejournal.com]

Dead weight's harder to carry anyway....

[cedel.livejournal.com]

I have some answers if you want to hear them, but I don't think you do...

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

I'll put it this way: I've concluded that this person-repelling power I possess is an inherent part of my personality, and to change it is to change myself substantially, something I don't think I want to do.

[(Anonymous)]

You know what you need? A nice, frothy milkshake! Yum yum!!