08 December 2008 @ 03:00 pm
I regret the existence of that facet of my personality, whatever it is, that causes people to believe I am more evil than Satan and more malevolent than the Antichrist.

I regret that somehow my every statement can be twisted into one of hostility, vitriol, deliberate offense, or just plain distaste.

I regret that I can always manage to make people loathe me.

But after so many years and so much time, all I can do is sigh in quiet depression and accept that I am this flawed, that charisma was my dump stat, and that no power I possess can change this fact.

No matter how much pain it causes or how much grief I go through because of it.
Current Mood: depressed
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on December 9th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC)
For the record, there are people out there who love me, care about me, or even like me a great deal. This is good, and has time has passed I've learned to acknowledge this.

I have no need to bitch about these people. So I don't. I bitch about my ability to cause other people, many but not all other people, to see the absolute worst in everything I say or do.

But I wouldn't keep running into these people if I didn't keep trying!
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[identity profile] elf-fu.livejournal.com on December 9th, 2008 12:36 am (UTC)
I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't clear. The words in "" were an example only of the Eeyore effect and meant as an example of what I see as the general attitude I get to see from you on line.
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on December 9th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
Well, we don't converse regularly and I don't post frequently these days, and when I do it's often to bitch. ^.^
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[identity profile] elf-fu.livejournal.com on December 9th, 2008 01:09 am (UTC)
I'm able to read most of your journal entries that aren't filtered. My observance still stands--it's not a recent thought. I've had this impression of you since I've known Ellen.
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on December 9th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
And something I've been working on improving. I do think, at least in my own mind, there's a difference between thinking nobody likes me, and observing that I seem to be an incredibly polarizing person!
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