I have this secret desire to be -- I don't know the proper word -- respected, I suppose it would be, for my talents. And those of you who have been subjected to my various mood swings can probably attest to the fact that when I feel utterly *mundane*, utterly *normal*, I get pissy.

See, I feel that I have totally failed to distinguish myself to anyone. A writer, a reader, a roleplayer, a friend, a cartoonist -- well, any talent I have, I can think of some other people who are better than me, who steal any recognition I'd want to claim for myself from all my other friends, without even realizing it. When it boils down to it, I feel that to anyone I know, I'm a second-best in all categories.

Consequent to that feeling, I feel... utterly unspecial. I can't help but think that people really have no reason or desire to associate with me -- except for convenience, the idea that sometimes I'm around when the other, better people aren't. When the feeling of inadequacy, of mediocrity, becomen too much... I explode.

I dont know how to distinguish myself. I don't know how to get anybody's respect for any particular quality I possess. It's very frustrating.