14 January 2011 @ 11:59 am
It's been forever since I updated. Shame on me. My only excuse is that I simply haven't found the willpower to write out a long, mostly unpleasant post that people won't really care about... but if [livejournal.com profile] ehzoterik can manage a post before I can, then I really feel ashamed, so here we go.

The past couple of months have been, to be blunt, miserable, stressful, and hellacious without exception.

To start with, my left ear has been ringing. Not constantly, but pretty much near-constantly. I've gone to the doctor, tried nasal steroids, even had a sinus CT scan done, and nothing. More and more, it looks like the answer is simply, "this happened for no good reason and has no treatable cause. Learn to live with it." The next step is seeing an ENT doctor, but the office I'm trying to make an appointment with is basically making that impossible. They refuse to schedule an appointment for February, despite the fact that I need to give my job my leave plans for that month now, and they demand a referral despite the fact that right on top of my freaking insurance card it says in bold letters 'NO REFERRAL NECESSARY.' Just... read this as pretty much a basis for how life goes for me. 'Shitty things happen for no reason which you can't do anything but suck up.'

The housemate is still out of a job, meaning I've been the sole money-earner for these past couple of months as well. It also means my stress level has skyrocketed just from the commute alone, since I can no longer carpool and take advantage of the HOV lanes. I've been restraining myself financially as much as possible, but I'm still faced with so much debt I can't ever foresee getting it paid off.

Speaking of work, that too has been going incredibly poorly. One of our competent workers left for a different job last month, and was replaced by a person who does, and I say this without hyperbole, no work. He sits and writes email all day. There would literally be no difference if he were replaced with a decorative rock garden, except the rock garden would have some Zen soothing qualities. Meanwhile, across the work aisle, I've coincidentally gotten the most largest and most punishing workloads of anybody in the unit, for no reason other than alleged coincidence. For example, the issue I am working on now will probably be 1800 pages. It will publish on Wednesday. Tuesday's issue will only be 800 pages. I'm thinking Wednesday's will be 1200, maximum, possibly much lower. The same thing happened last issue. Four issues ago, on December 28th, I got handed the largest issue since the publication of the Microsoft antitrust settlement.

This is fair and reasonable. Purely coincidence. I'm sure.

Game reports, I'm sure this is the only part of this anyone will care about... there have not been any game reports since the last one since there have not been any real GAMES since the last one until last Sunday. I'm working on the transcription, but my time to do so has been severely curtailed (see: no carpooling), so I will have it up when I have it up and not much before.

Honestly, I'm messed up as hell right now. Constant and unending stress has just fried me and disrupted my emotions and psychological balance very badly. But none of these problems is going to go away -- they're only going to get worse, in fact -- so all I can really do is tell myself to suck it up and stop whining. Obviously, this doesn't work so well.

Anyway, that's MY life for the past couple of months. I'm sure you could've gone a couple more without hearing me bitch.
Current Mood: tired
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[identity profile] ehzoterik.livejournal.com on January 14th, 2011 05:48 pm (UTC)
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU SLACKER! BE ASHAMED!

But seriously.

1. Have you considered the possibility that your ear ringing may be linked to a dental problem? In my experience, when I had a dozen different doctors all equally telling me "Gee I don't know what's wrong with you," I then had the opportunity to stumble upon a great dentist who told me, "Yep. Your other problems are linked to your bad teeth." I remember when my teeth were bad that I used to suffer severe stabbing pains in my inner ear for no logical reason other than, as the dentist finally pointed out forever later, spreading infection in my mouth. So I don't know. Maybe you need a cavity filled or a tooth pulled or something? A visit to the dentist would be my next step if I were in your situation, just to cover all the bases.

2. Maybe they're dumping all that workload on you because you're the most reliable employee they have. Maybe they're well aware that everybody else in your department sucks donkey dick, so they give you the important projects because they know you won't let them down. My husband deals with the same shit at his place of employment. So he tells me. Everybody he works with are a bunch of incompetent, whiny, lazy bastards, and he gets more work done than any of them. He also gets paid more than they do, mostly because he's been with the company longer and worked his way up, but also because he deserves it. We suspect the main reason why he hasn't gotten promoted to any of the positions he's applied for is because he's the most competent person in the call center and they can't afford to lose him. I'm just saying . . . Stop looking at it as the management purposely dicking you over, and instead consider that they have confidence in you to handle the workload they put on you. From everything I've read about your job over the past how many years, I'm willing to believe that's the case myself. (Ask for a raise.)
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on January 14th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
1. I've considered it, but I had a clean dental bill of health not long before it started. If there's anything dental that's causing it, it had a very sudden and very subtle appearance.

2. I don't think it's a good thing that I do good work and so get dumped on. I consider that some justifiable grounds for irritation, especially because the stress IS really, really grinding me down.

3. I'm hoping for a promotion in March, but I've pretty much been told it won't happen because it's decided by someone with no connection to any of this.
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[identity profile] ehzoterik.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 06:01 pm (UTC)
1. That can happen, sudden and subtle that is. It could have been something the dentist didn't notice before because it was hiding behind something else. Just a thought. Apart from that, my only other advice is to find another doctor whose office isn't going to give you so much stupid shit and will work with you. Or, worst case scenario, go to the ER and pitch a fit.

2 & 3. Can you talk to your supervisor or somebody at your place of employment about your concerns? Really. If it's getting to you that badly, it's best you bring it to somebody's attention before it devolves into you purchasing a gun and going postal. (I know you wouldn't actually do that, but the image of you doing so makes me giggle.)
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 04:05 pm (UTC)
1. Yes, possibly. I'm due for Xrays of some sort at my next appointment, so that should address THAT mystery.

23. Nope. My supervisor doesn't care so long as the work gets done, and now would be a VERY bad time to draw any attention to myself, with the way things are going in the government.
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[identity profile] adept.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 11:39 am (UTC)
Regarding the ear ringing, it could just be an onset of tinnitus - which is something that, sadly, only an ENT would be able to confirm. I've had it for most of my life so I don't notice it anymore, but I can imagine how annoying it would be to have it suddenly happen.

Regarding work, I have to agree with ehzoterik - make sure that supervisors are aware of the inequality of workload & effort on the floor before you snap (despite the fact that you have a wonderful evil laugh if you choose to use it).
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[identity profile] dragonoflife.livejournal.com on January 18th, 2011 06:49 pm (UTC)
Probably, thus the comment of needing to learn to suck it up.

And as I said... no one cares. So long as the work gets done, it just gets written off to 'that's how it is.'
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