All of my stories and characters have moved to Dragon's Mark. The number one reason for this is because Puck is still out of commission. I still don't know precisely what is wrong with my trusty old computer, though I'm willing to bet that it is indeed overheating. For AIM and checking e-mail and for role-playing and even for WoW, all this time I've been using my roommate Anne's computer. Part of me feels bad about this, because it is her computer, and I've been hogging it for months now. And I sure as hell am not going to ask her if I can install a program she wants nothing to do with on her computer. I can live without the AOL. In fact, I'm having more fun without it.

Regardless of this single, most frustrating reason, I am very much enjoying my time spent on DM in the relocated RDI. There are more people to interact with over there, and my characters can have a jolly good time and be appreciated. Every last one of them. Even my "monsters and sex."

Another truth of the matter is that none of my characters, at least not the ones I enjoy playing, really have any real reason to go back to the old haunt. I've discussed this thoroughly with Ellen. And I'm sorry to say that I don't enjoy playing the happy go lucky flirts a lot with everybody but means nothing by it characters that you'd better much prefer seeing me (or anyone else) play. Not all the time. Ehz especially. She was never intended to be much of a recurring character. Only one I can toss out from time to time when I feel like being an impossibly foolish blender about certain shit. She's for blowing off steam, in short bursts, infrequently, and nothing more. She's not a character who was made to be developed beyond that, and she never will be. She's my stupid avatar and that's that.

I know your qualms about coming to DM, and I'm not going to try to persuade you otherwise. It's bad enough you can't even trust your girlfriend about the potential for actually, gasp and amazement!, having fun and enjoying yourself. This woe of me shit isn't going to work on me concerning the drying up of your role-play.

You choose to remain steadfastly loyal to a single playing environment that hasn't been going anywhere for months. You choose not to expand your horizons and give another venue a chance. You choose to be miserable. Nobody can change that but you.

This is the second time you've griped about it, and I figured it was time I finally gave you a piece of my mind on it. Bitchitude and all. Believe it or not, there are people who would like to see you playing on DM other than Ellen. I wouldn't mind seeing you there either. And the villains you're trying to avoid so adamantly aren't even worth the worry. Trust me. I had my fears as well, but I never see any of these stupid jackholes that I was afraid of ruining my fun. There are plenty of other people who help me have fun that even if they were to show up it wouldn't make any amount of difference.

Fuck them. And bury that damn thing, because it's starting to fucking stink! Geeze!

You paint a rosier picture of DM than I've heard of and seen. I do watch over her shoulder occasionally, and put the occasional question to her about it, and what I have seen and heard has given me absolutely no desire to move over there at all. To the contrary, it's reinforced my beliefs that I would very much not enjoy it over there.

It's one thing for you to move on to such a place, who have both long-established characters and good rapport with many others there. It's an entirely different thing for me to attempt to brave the character gauntlet (I love that expression) as someone new and mostly unconnected, when I myself have *in every single new venue I've ever played in* experienced months of unpleasantness and drama before finally managing to find a niche (if I do). So what seems like the logical and sensible move to you is much less shining and glorious for ME.

Consider that my "bitchitude" is that *whether I play elsewhere or not* the stories, the ongoing *lives* of many of my characters are effectively at an end. Moving to a new place means starting over -- trying to make new friends and avoid old enemies. It's not a clean slate, but I can't just pull up a character out of nowhere and have him show up to acclaims and accolades the way you can with yours. It is in fact a dirty, dirty slate -- there are more people there who want nothing to do with me and would be displeased if I showed than who want me there.

But even so, I regret the ending of stories I wasn't ready to end.

Aside from which, I seriously have to debate the question as to whether or not I can productively continue to roleplay in any venue, when it seems the character types I enjoy playing no longer have any place in the stories or with the other types that are the current fashion. More than "where should I play", I need to answer the question of "*should* I play" -- can I actually find the sort of stories and play I find enjoyable? Over the last months, if not years, the answer has increasingly become "no I cannot -- what I want is not compatible with what other people want". If it comes to a decision, I can't answer whether or not I should continue to *try* with any certainty, and until I answer THAT, answering the other is kind of pointless.

Believe it or not, the character types you enjoy playing do have a place. True, our preferences, yours and mine, do not match up. My characters and your characters do not fit well together. They rarely and often times begrudgingly get along. They rarely have anything in common with each other to work from as a basis of starting conversation which then leads to fostering friendships.

However, I play a variety of character types. I have brought each of them over to DM and so far have had no problems. The three I play primarily the most are Salvador (of course), Dris and Montero. These are three distinctly different personalities. The last of which I was beginning to feel had no place anywhere, until I was given an opportunity. Sure, that opportunity stemmed from already existing friendship and player partnership, but it was certainly something more than I had to begin with. After the whole Apep angle, there didn't seem to be anything left for Montero. Now there might be something.

Yes, there are cliques. In role-play there will always be cliques. Sadly, Angie is once again feeling the burn from giving a clique a chance. That's a long story and I won't get into it here. The point is, however, that I've become aware of these cliques. I know who to avoid, who not to involve myself and my characters with, who is an immense PITA and PAGT extraordinaire. I at least know enough about the people to still be able to enjoy myself and try my able best to help my friends enjoy themselves as well.

Two characters of yours that I know for certain would be welcome: Drake and Orion. People have asked Mer about this mysterious husband of hers and would probably very certainly like to meet him. Drake was a presence back in the day, and I think you may very well be surprised by the reunion he might possibly receive. I was actually quite surprised by the number of people who remembered and welcomed Dris back. I don't remember who half of these people are, but they remember him.

All you need is one person to help you put your foot in the door. Believe me. Salvador was even disregarded for the longest time. Now, like then, I don't believe anyone would have given him any thought or any time of day if they hadn't learned of his association with Sin. You have somebody like that. You have Ellen. She's made friends. She can help you get your foot in the door too. She wants to enjoy this game with you, but if you're going to insist on denying her that she's also not going to let your refusal hold her back.

The over all point is what Dani said below: Just play. We were all outsiders once. We're all dusting off the cobwebs and giving it a shot again. Just because the environment is different, has changed, doesn't mean the characters are.

The issue of whether or not my preferred character types have a place anywhere is a much larger and more frustrating issue; suffice to say I don't think it's a simple an answer as "sure they are."

I'm not certain what you're seeing, but from what I know and have seen of DM, there's only one character who would welcome Drake's return fondly, and tigerphoenix often seems unhappy with what's going on in the room, talk it up to me though she will. It really hasn't seemed super-awesome-fluffy-bunnies to me. There are people who might be glad to see Orion, but that doesn't translate into automatic perfect play, too. In other words, I'm nowhere near as confident as you that just walking in as one of those characters would guarantee me anything productive.

And I know that there are people there who would not be happy to see me and who likely would cause me grief given the opportunity. Woo, huh?

Clearly your pessimism is the only thing holding you back, and that's all I have left to say.

Or perhaps your success leads to blind optimism; you can't even imagine that other people might have a difficult time. Despite the million difficult times you've actually seen me go through. I don't know if you've forgotten or are just assuming things will be different THIS time, but either way, ignoring my reality won't make it go away.

(Incidentally, have you noticed that one of the main thrusts of your argument goes something along the lines of "I don't enjoy playing with you and I take offense at the character types I think you insist I play, but surely there are plenty of other people who want you around!" A logical argument requires a conclusion that is *supported* by its premises... not totally sabotaged.)

Edited 2009-01-22 02:16 pm (UTC)

Allow me to restate, then, since you also clearly missed what I really wrote between the lines.

I would like seeing Drake around again. Orion wouldn't be bad either, but only because I've seen too many people play one half of a paired couple and how much it bugs the shit out of them inside that their character's SO is never around enjoying the companionship of old friends with them. Frequently being asked, in character, "So where's your hubby and when am I going to get to meet him?" gets old after a while, and a character can only make so many excuses. Mer deals with it. Ariana deals with it. And now even Collie deals with it. Hell, I dealt with it for the longest time with Dris until I simply couldn't take it anymore. It's even more distressing when you just don't have an answer, either in character or out of it.

I know you enjoy playing Morgan the most, and I wish I could think of a reason for him to show up at the RDI, but I can't. Must be frustrating for you too, and I really do wish I could help with that.

Morgan would never come over, I can't imagine it nor can I imagine him receiving a warm welcome. A large part of my problem and frustration with all this is exactly that: do I want, is it worth it, to lay those stories to rest when I don't believe they're done?

Drake, conversely, I don't feel has too much narrative drive left in him. His story seems to be for the most part completed, and his children are the heirs of that legacy now. I'm not certain if I could make something out of him again.

Just plaaaaaaaay.

I'm more of an outsider than you are. :P

There's a difference between the "unknown and unfamiliar" outsider and the "generally unwelcome and shunned" outsider.

We could always use a more folks over at http://www.battlemaster.org

Not sure if it's exactly what you're looking for, but it it piques your interest I can guarantee that you'll at least have one friend on the inside to help get the ball rolling, and the game favors anyone who puts in the effort to make themselves visible. (In fact the realm that I have the most influence in, Madina on Dwilight, is in sore need of a few vocal players to help create interest for the players not in the government.)

....you officially have my interest.

I always enjoyed playing with you. And I haven't played since we did, mostly because I gave up aol and didn't know where else to continue.

I miss it, but I also don't have any desire to try and establish myself or my characters anywhere else.

Sorry I can't be of more help to your dilemma.

You have a lot more going on now, too -- both in the general and the specific. ^.^

That is also true. ^.^

But, I did always have fun when you could fit me in to play.