(no subject)

[dragonoflife]

I regret the existence of that facet of my personality, whatever it is, that causes people to believe I am more evil than Satan and more malevolent than the Antichrist.

I regret that somehow my every statement can be twisted into one of hostility, vitriol, deliberate offense, or just plain distaste.

I regret that I can always manage to make people loathe me.

But after so many years and so much time, all I can do is sigh in quiet depression and accept that I am this flawed, that charisma was my dump stat, and that no power I possess can change this fact.

No matter how much pain it causes or how much grief I go through because of it.

Comments

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

The thing which makes me entirely cautious of you is your Eeyore like attitude. "Nobody loves me. No one's my friend. I guess everything's always my fault. Everybody hates me. I guess I'll just give up."

Before anyone's hackles raise, I will say plainly and honestly, outside of your blog postings I do not know you at all. I have not met you in person, so I cannot say anything that I am about to go on about is accurate. Good chances are I am way off my mark, but I can only work with what I know.

If all anyone ever knew of me were my depressing posts/things/conversations, they would no doubt begin to imagine that is ALL I am. How many people do you think want to be around that?

How long does it take, do you think, if you insist on telling people that you think you must be some sort of horrible person before they begin to believe it?

Attitude is everything. You come across as the type of person to give up before there's any reason to--"Well I might as well not do anything because it's going to end in a pile of crap anyway."

And with that sort of attitude, it will. Why should anyone try with someone like that if they aren't even going to try themselves?

Hopefully, that made sense. It probably won't help you at all, and--I am sorry if this offends--but I am expecting a, "Well I tried already and it didn't work so I am done trying/been hurt too many times to continue" response...And to me, that just sorta...proves my point.

Life is what you make of it. If you make it a bag of suck, it's going to be a big bag suck.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

For the record, there are people out there who love me, care about me, or even like me a great deal. This is good, and has time has passed I've learned to acknowledge this.

I have no need to bitch about these people. So I don't. I bitch about my ability to cause other people, many but not all other people, to see the absolute worst in everything I say or do.

But I wouldn't keep running into these people if I didn't keep trying!

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't clear. The words in "" were an example only of the Eeyore effect and meant as an example of what I see as the general attitude I get to see from you on line.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

Well, we don't converse regularly and I don't post frequently these days, and when I do it's often to bitch. ^.^

[elf-fu.livejournal.com]

I'm able to read most of your journal entries that aren't filtered. My observance still stands--it's not a recent thought. I've had this impression of you since I've known Ellen.

[dragonoflife.livejournal.com]

And something I've been working on improving. I do think, at least in my own mind, there's a difference between thinking nobody likes me, and observing that I seem to be an incredibly polarizing person!