It fell through a space-time wormhole and landed in my smoothie.



My Fellow Americans.

It is my duty to inform you that Barack Hussein Obamma [sic] is a terrorist.  Compelling evidence links him to Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and terrorist organizations both here and abroad.  Because of this evidence, I have directed all military and law enforcement personnel to capture Obamma [sic] and bring him to justice.

The safety of our nation must come first, and so I have further directed authorities to detain all campaign officials and advisors, significant donors, and Congressional figures associated with Obamma [sic], so that they may be questioned about their roles in his terrorist plans against our homeland.  Under the Military Commissions Act of 2006 and for the good of our nation, we must consider these people to be unlawful enemy combatants until their guilt is determined by military tribunal.

Because of the large-scale manner of this conflict and due to the malivolent [sic] way in which Obamma [sic] publicly decieved this nation, I have reason to believe that many misguided souls will not recognize the truth of this matter.  Therefore, by presidential order, I am instituting martial law across the United States of America, until such time as the terrorists have been fully rooted out.

Because America cannot have a terrorist as President-elect, I will retain power as President under the order of martial law until such time as the terrorists have been rooted out, and the system has been reformed to have a fair, clean election which no De -- terrorist can enter.

God bless America.