Yes, dear co-worker, when your quite literally *fat* ass repeatedly caused your cell phone to dial the ER, I called the police and reported a prank call. Regardless of what you claim, phones do not magically turn themselves on and dial themselves. If you leave your phone on and sit on it so your three-hundred-pound butt makes it dial our phone line repeatedly, it is not my job to painstakingly track down the phone number when I have five minutes left on my overnight shift. Nor does your brilliant advice of "you should have just hung up!" really apply, since your fat ass redialed the ER seven or eight times in the space of five minutes. You don't have to answer the phone, so your none-too-subtle accusations of lying just plain don't work on me, especially when the morning shift girl was sitting right here and can verify my every claim.

So go ahead and be pissed at me because I did my job and you're too goddamn stupid to work your cell phone. Guess what? Not my fault. You're an idiot. Deal with it.