Oh man, how did that game conversation go... aside from "to hell", as usual.

Barbarian: ::exploits the infrequently-used "you can stack two medium-sized creatures in a square" rule of miniature positioning, placing his mini uncomfortably close to the ranger's::
DM: ::to the ranger:: Roll to avoid having "bad things" happen.
Me: Don't roll a 1.
Ranger: ::rolls:: 20.
DM: Worse things happen! You feel your ass being cupped by Wes [the barbarian].
Me: Left cheek or right cheek?
Ranger: He gave me the reach-around! ::mimes vomiting::

Later:

Me: ::to the barbarian, IC:: "Wes, we will meet later to discuss military tactics."
Ranger: "Just watch out for the reach-around."
Me: "'Reach-around'? This must be some stunning military tactic I'm not familiar with! Tell me, where can I learn more about this 'reach-around'?"
Ranger: "Uh.... there's a bookstore."
Me: "Where?"
Ranger: "Uh... are you familiar with the 'red-light district'?"
Me: "I don't believe I'm yet created such a spell to allow my citizens to conduct their business after dark--"
Ranger: "No, no, it's just a phrase. I don't... know why they named it that." I lead him over to the balcony overlooking his city. "You see that area there?"
Me: "Yes."
Ranger: "You know what goes on in it?"
Me: "Yes."
Ranger: "Well, th-"
Me: "Citizenly duties."
Ranger: ::Blank stare, IC::
Me: "Well, my citizens are there, they're conducting their duties--"
Ranger: "No, no no! -- look, just put on a disguise, some street clothes, go down there, keep your mouth shut, and you'll learn a few things."
Me: "Very well then!" The next day... "Well, I did as you said. A young lady asked me if I wished to 'have a good time.' I told her that I believed it was inappropriate for me to seek out personal enjoyment in these times of war and turmoil--"
DM: Oh, hold on, I'm rolling for this! ::rolls dice:: She is able to converse with you. She has an intelligence of 24 and a Charisma of -- ::rolls:: 20. You found a very educated hooker."
Me: "--so anyway, Wes, I found you a new adviser, who can translate what I say, and so be my liaison to you."
Barbarian: "....Gag her."
Ranger: "Anyway, here's the book on reach-arounds you wanted."
Me: "Splendid!" ::accepting it and opening it:: "...oh no." ::turning a page:: "Oh no!" ::turning another page:: "Oh my!"