Work is royally sucking tonight, and by that I mean ROYALLY. We haven't dropped below 20 patients once this evening; any time we come close, another few ambulances pour in the door and off we go again. Translated, I'm doing the work of two people, essentially; this is about how busy it is, ideally, during a day shift. (Lately work has just been awful anyway, though. People have slammed through here like we're offering a buffet; every time I've been here we've been jam-packed.) I'm tired, headachey, and I'd like to go home now, please.

Not only is there no overtime to be had lately, but I forgot about the stupid Pittsburgh EMS tax, which for those of you who don't know, hammers you for $52 your first paycheck of the year. I'm watching myself sink into debt with a certain amount of dismay. On the flip side, I'll soon have the ability to transfer internally. With any luck I'll be able to make a little more money, possibly get a little more overtime. But I also have to plan for advancement. Can I get a job that offers both? I'm really worried about this, and my financial situation in general. I can barely provide for myself; what's the point of all this, if it's just self-fulfilling? I earn enough money to survive and get myself to my job the next day, and nothing more. I have to have more than that. If nothing else I'd at least like to be able to provide for a family and a future.

I'm really, really worried about this.

To be honest, this new year has really sucked. I started it out miserably sick; I've gone broke, the heater in my new car no longer works, and my DSL was shut off over the weekend. I guess it's all slowly correcting itself. I'm not sick any more, my DSL is back up, and my car should be fixed under warrenty (minus fifty bucks, though, which bites).

The only good thing this year, so far, has been game day last Sunday. Man, did I need that! I haven't played much of anything in ages, excepting Munchkin with tigerphoenix and her spawn, so digging up some new games and kicking butt at them was nice. I can only hope for more in the future.

I shouldn't be too critical of the new year. Last year started out with me unemployed and essentially anticipating moving back home with my parents, so I suppose that was even worse. It turned around mid-January, though. Let's all hope 2006 does the same for me.

I haven't heard from that story I submitted to a magazine some six months ago or so. I am going to assume this is a good sign, i.e. my work did not get shuffled into the "crap, reject automatically" pile. Still, if I don't hear by March I'll submit a polite letter of inquiry. It'd just be nice to know one way or the other. I don't expect anything.

Despite my best intentions, I was so thrown off by the mess last weekend that I accomplished no writing. I really need to not let myself get away with that; the more I think about it the more I realize writing is my only escape from this mess I've gotten myself into. And yet at some point writing stopped being *fun*. I need to just put aside worries and questions and DO it. I worry too much these days, about everything.

It's hard not to worry, though. I wish something would go right.

On a side note... without saying too much about anything, why the hell do people come in at 2:30 at night with the things they do? Seriously, what the hell? Three days off wasn't enough.

And I'm starving. Someone pet the dragon, please.