Swept up, swept away, can't catch up, can't get away.

One very large problem in my life is gone: I have a new car. I now own a 2003 Saturn Ion. It's definitely not a car I expected to end up with, but the price was reasonable, the mileage was good, and most importantly, I fit in it. If you've never had this problem, consider yourself lucky. Eliminating many car models just because you can't fit in them can be frustrating.

So with transportation, I now no longer have worries such as obtaining food, getting to work, and generally getting about in life. Funny that I managed to exist for a year and a half without one, but on the other hand, my social activities and employment were within walking distance, and I subsisted mostly on take-out and convenience store foods.

As opposed to now, where I eat better and have no social life at all. I'd like to change the latter, obviously. It's just a matter of finding people who are available at the same times I am.

kaote, answer my question!

Of course, with a new car comes a dramatic financial pressure. Payments, plus the increase in car insurance, will leave me extremely strapped for cash. I can get by for a couple of months, though. I still look forward to February, where I can begin looking for a more financially stable position. Even a few extra thousand a year will make a significant difference, especially if it means I can work less overtime. I'm fortunate, now, that I have references I can count on, a strong work experience internally, and the ability to pick and choose what I apply for. There's a lot of good I can do any position, if they give me the chance.

I have to keep hoping.

I am currently in the throes of a vicious cold. My colds all follow very predictable patterns. The first day, I feel the onset of a sore throat, possibly with gradually increasing nasal stuffiness. That night, my sleep is terrible. Sometimes I'm unable to get to sleep entirely, other times (like last night) I'm only able to sleep in bursts, after which I wake up and need to force myself back to sleep again. I think my body refuses to sleep because it can fight the cold better in a waking state. I do know that the next day I usually don't feel as tired as I ought to for having such terrible sleep.

The second day, today for example, is the worst. Normally my colds confine themselves to throat, nose, sometimes cough. Not on the second day! This is the day when the cold kicks my ass. I feel weak, my temperature fluctuates, I have a perpetual headache and the sort of lightheadedness that is particular to colds. Usually the sore throat and the runny nose are both much worse on the second day. Today my nose is negligible, however, though my throat is more than making up with it. Post nasal drip is hell and a half.

Luckily, once I make it through the day it's all downhill. The throat will subside, and the nose will pick up. Usually a week passes before the symptoms are fully banished, but after today they're more nuisances than misery. On rare occasions the cold will descend to my chest, leaving me with a hell of a cough for its duration, but that happens infrequently.

This weekend I will be going to AnimeUSA in Tyson's Corner, VA, with tigerphoenix and some other people. Sometimes I do wonder why I go to cons. I'm not social, I can never manage to make friends the way other people do. I'd like to make more friends, admittedly, but sometimes I consider that a moot point. Still, I hope to have some fun and relax a bit. I don't know what it'll be like, so I'll see!

I'm technically able to keep afloat on 40 hours a week, but I wouldn't care to try it, especially now with my new expenses. So I put in as much overtime as I can. 48 hours a week is normal; 56 is ideal, in financial terms. And again I wish I didn't have to do that.

I'm a frustrated writer right now. All around me people are producing massive amounts of writing, yet I'm unable to. 12 hour workdays, car searches, colds. All these things simply destroy my ability to write. Most of my days I simply have no time to write. I don't anticipate a real chance to write until next week, when I have some days that are only eight hours. I do make efforts at writing while at work, but they're of course sporadic, and suffer from a lack of resources or other works or previous drafts. And on a day like this, where I'm sick, I just can't think. (Which figures. I could accomplish a lot today if I weren't miserable.)

jameel, remind me to shove the latest GetBackers manga in my backpack for you. I work tomorrow and Thursday both. And ehzoterik, remind me to make you an Akabane icon when I get my DVDs back from jameel. I figure you'd like that.

Speaking of DVDs, I found out Amazon.com had Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere" dirt cheap ($15 altogether with shipping), which I had to get, of course. Where the hell is it, though? It's supposed to be here by tomorrow. Not that I have time to watch it, of course, or that I even will watch it till next weekend, but I worry about things going wrong. They so often seem to.

Lately I've been worrying about my usual problems again. What do I have that distinguishes me? What makes me special? What would someone come to me for, ask me, that I could help them better with than anyone else? I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing, and consequently I feel dissatisfied.

Actually, I take it back; I know more about prose writing than anyone I know. But that's worth nothing.

What a long and rambling post I've written. Well, with my update schedule I needed to. It's probably a symptom of stifled creativity anyway.