(no subject)

[dragonoflife]

I have this secret desire to be -- I don't know the proper word -- respected, I suppose it would be, for my talents. And those of you who have been subjected to my various mood swings can probably attest to the fact that when I feel utterly *mundane*, utterly *normal*, I get pissy.

See, I feel that I have totally failed to distinguish myself to anyone. A writer, a reader, a roleplayer, a friend, a cartoonist -- well, any talent I have, I can think of some other people who are better than me, who steal any recognition I'd want to claim for myself from all my other friends, without even realizing it. When it boils down to it, I feel that to anyone I know, I'm a second-best in all categories.

Consequent to that feeling, I feel... utterly unspecial. I can't help but think that people really have no reason or desire to associate with me -- except for convenience, the idea that sometimes I'm around when the other, better people aren't. When the feeling of inadequacy, of mediocrity, becomen too much... I explode.

I dont know how to distinguish myself. I don't know how to get anybody's respect for any particular quality I possess. It's very frustrating.

Comments

[cathouse-blues.livejournal.com]

It's not the individual talents, dear. It's the whole package. I could hardly compete with Alice Waters as a chef or Alice Walker as a writer, but I still think I'm better than most and putting both those skills together makes me uniquely me.

*ahem* Or are you going to tell me that I'm not special?

[siliconrose.livejournal.com]

I'm not as good a writer as any number of writers I could name.

I was never the best programmer in college, nor am I in my current place of work.

I'll never be half the artist that cyfis is.

There are faster readers than me - Quatoes is one.

Storytellers have impressed me with their attention to detail and the sheer fun of the games they have run - I've never been able to engage someone that completely.

My mother's a much better cook than I am.

Boy, are there people who are more fanatical about anime than I am. ^^ They frighten me.

There are people who speak much better Japanese than I do. They're called "Japanese," and they grew up speaking it. ^^ However, there are also foreigners who can speak almost as well, and I can't.

There will always be people who act cooler, dress better, handle things easier, and generally make me look second rate, if I want to take it that way. And though I don't want to, sometimes I do take it that way. Then I smack myself, because it doesn't matter. I'm better at something than everyone who is better at something else. And no one is the best, because when you get to the top, you start getting into luck. Discern world-class physicist A from world-class physicist B? Well, A might have invented theory 1, and B theory 2, but which is more significant? It's hard to tell. Even if it's clear cut that theory 1 is better, how do you know that A just didn't have better information than B? It could have nothing to do with their skill. And they probably suck at something I can do, because they're world class physicists, and I'm not. I've got to have been wasting my time on something. ^^

Wow, that was a long, roundabout post.

[cyfis.livejournal.com]

Erm, you have the unique talent of making the rest of us thwap you upside the head? :P

But seriously, we respect you fine for who you are.

Wisdom of the Day

[ehzoterik.livejournal.com]

Fact: That which one desires most only manifests itself into being when one stops looking for it.