(no subject)

[dragonoflife]

Well, hell.

There is only one saving grace to being, once again, used, manipulated, lied to, and made a total fool of in relation to roleplaying, and that is the fact that this time it was me who took the brunt of it rather than my tigerphoenix. And because it wasn't the fault of the person who got us involved in the mess, I think it's feasible for both of us to forgive her and move past it.

Still, once again I've let my good nature, my empathy, and my desire for peace be used to make me defend someone who didn't deserve it. I fought for something I believed -- only to find out that all my cynicism, all my suspicion, is ultimately what I should have listened to.

Hypocrisy. Manipulation. Outright spite. You know, it hurts? It really hurts the people that have all this done to them. Myself more than most, I think, simply because I'm fire-aligned. I have far more passion, more emotion, for things than most people do.

I don't know. I shouldn't be trying to express this, because it can't be expressed in words. At least this time we got stabbed in the back by a relatively distant person.

Comments

RESPONSE pt 1

[chaselemonde.livejournal.com]

Alright, to open, you're clueless, Dragon. Utterly clueless. Those aren't fighting words, I'm not trying to insult or antagonize you, that's just a blunt statement of fact. You do not have even the slightest clue. Am I going to fill you in on the clue? Nope, none of your business, otherwise I would have by now. Just don't go thinking that I stabbed you in the back. I never once asked you to defend me to anyone, I never WANTED you to defend me to anyone. I wanted people to lodge complaints and arguements with me directly, and don't you dare for a moment tell me that no one had any, because that's bull and we both know it. Second? I don't like you. I don't blame you for anything, I don't attribute any deliberate action on your part to offend me, you simply rub me the wrong way. We are destined in life to run into people like this, it's unavoidable. I have a respect for you, that says a great deal. But I don't go parading around like you're my best buddy and then slam you behind your back. I make no illusions to anyone of affinity toward you. So don't ever say I am stabbing you in the back. When I stab, I'll stab directly to your face.

Next point of order: I, at NO point, ever intended to "steal Anya away from Jacob." Believe that or don't, it's your perogative. I had absolutely no way of knowing that Jacob would suddenly distance himself from Anya when he could no longer make physical contact with her. That surprised the living hell out of me. And don't turn around and start talking about how Anya was dying and no one knew how to deal with that, that's crap. That was Anya's player not paying attention when I said the normal activity of the "bullet" would not be fatal or even sickening, she decided to ham the whole thing up of her own accord even after I told her to tone it down because she was going overboard with it. Was I upset that she kept her from me? You're damn right I was. I needed to talk to her one night rather urgently, and I couldn't get through to her house, and she was nowhere to be seen online. I got extremely worried because the only reason I could think of that she wouldn't be online and her line would be busy is in the event of some sort of emergency. But when several hours passed and she was still MIA, things weren't adding up. It was at that point that I caught her playing Anya, at which point she lied to my face about it. I had to catch her in her lie, and even then it was like pulling teeth to get her to admit. So yes, I was very upset at the deception. And don't give me any shit about the Aira situation, I'm about to address that momentarily. Point is, she broke my trust, and that hurt badly. Was the "bullet SL" a matter of vengeful spite? That definitely flavored the events, but I had so many other motivations surrounding that SL it isn't even funny. I'd been planning it for ages, I just needed a participant, and she volunteered for the position. That's right, I didn't powergame her, I didn't force her, I gave her the option of whether or not to go along with my plans, and the option of backing out at any time. As you can see, she willingly acted it out, albeit a bit overzealously in a few aspects.