dragonoflife | (no subject)

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humanity sucks

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Well, hell.

There is only one saving grace to being, once again, used, manipulated, lied to, and made a total fool of in relation to roleplaying, and that is the fact that this time it was me who took the brunt of it rather than my

tigerphoenix. And because it wasn't the fault of the person who got us involved in the mess, I think it's feasible for both of us to forgive her and move past it.

Still, once again I've let my good nature, my empathy, and my desire for peace be used to make me defend someone who didn't deserve it. I fought for something I believed -- only to find out that all my cynicism, all my suspicion, is ultimately what I should have listened to.

Hypocrisy. Manipulation. Outright spite. You know, it hurts? It really hurts the people that have all this done to them. Myself more than most, I think, simply because I'm fire-aligned. I have far more passion, more emotion, for things than most people do.

I don't know. I shouldn't be trying to express this, because it can't be expressed in words. At least this time we got stabbed in the back by a relatively distant person.

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Want me to hunt whoever it is down and break their knees?

No, they're important to someone I care about. Stupid ethics.

Too bad.

The world's full of random jerks - don't let it get to you. And anyway, there're still us around that (hopefully) aren't bastards, right?

Yes, I am fortunate enough to know several non-bastards. For which I am eternally grateful. :)

You talkin' 'bout me?

If you really want to get into it here? Yes, in point of fact.

Alright, to open, you're clueless, Dragon. Utterly clueless. Those aren't fighting words, I'm not trying to insult or antagonize you, that's just a blunt statement of fact. You do not have even the slightest clue. Am I going to fill you in on the clue? Nope, none of your business, otherwise I would have by now. Just don't go thinking that I stabbed you in the back. I never once asked you to defend me to anyone, I never WANTED you to defend me to anyone. I wanted people to lodge complaints and arguements with me directly, and don't you dare for a moment tell me that no one had any, because that's bull and we both know it. Second? I don't like you. I don't blame you for anything, I don't attribute any deliberate action on your part to offend me, you simply rub me the wrong way. We are destined in life to run into people like this, it's unavoidable. I have a respect for you, that says a great deal. But I don't go parading around like you're my best buddy and then slam you behind your back. I make no illusions to anyone of affinity toward you. So don't ever say I am stabbing you in the back. When I stab, I'll stab directly to your face.

Next point of order: I, at NO point, ever intended to "steal Anya away from Jacob." Believe that or don't, it's your perogative. I had absolutely no way of knowing that Jacob would suddenly distance himself from Anya when he could no longer make physical contact with her. That surprised the living hell out of me. And don't turn around and start talking about how Anya was dying and no one knew how to deal with that, that's crap. That was Anya's player not paying attention when I said the normal activity of the "bullet" would not be fatal or even sickening, she decided to ham the whole thing up of her own accord even after I told her to tone it down because she was going overboard with it. Was I upset that she kept her from me? You're damn right I was. I needed to talk to her one night rather urgently, and I couldn't get through to her house, and she was nowhere to be seen online. I got extremely worried because the only reason I could think of that she wouldn't be online and her line would be busy is in the event of some sort of emergency. But when several hours passed and she was still MIA, things weren't adding up. It was at that point that I caught her playing Anya, at which point she lied to my face about it. I had to catch her in her lie, and even then it was like pulling teeth to get her to admit. So yes, I was very upset at the deception. And don't give me any shit about the Aira situation, I'm about to address that momentarily. Point is, she broke my trust, and that hurt badly. Was the "bullet SL" a matter of vengeful spite? That definitely flavored the events, but I had so many other motivations surrounding that SL it isn't even funny. I'd been planning it for ages, I just needed a participant, and she volunteered for the position. That's right, I didn't powergame her, I didn't force her, I gave her the option of whether or not to go along with my plans, and the option of backing out at any time. As you can see, she willingly acted it out, albeit a bit overzealously in a few aspects.

Next point of order: The Aira situation was NOT my fault. Like the rest of you, I told her player NOT to kill her off, I even offered her every opportunity to make it a false alarm, but she absolutely insisted upon her death, and so she's dead. And what you seem completely incapable of grasping is that the player and I have had a long-standing promise that was a mutual agreement and that is none of your business. She also made me another promise very recently. With certain details regarding Aira (none of which I'm sure you have a clue about), she broke both promises directly to my face, and this upset me greatly. It was at that point that she decided character death was the only answer. When all was said and done, I sat down and spoke to her about what my problem with the whole thing was. I couldn't have cared a flying fig who she paired characters off with, it's her perogative entirely and I've voiced that to her time and again, and I even believe it myself! *GASP!*

Next point of order: your letter. Why did I ignore it? Very simple, I had nothing to respond with. I had absolutely nothing to say in regards to it. I don't schedule out my SLs, I don't give out clues or foresight. This is live interactive roleplay, not scripted stage performance. I throw out a situation and leave it to those involved to do with it as they will, and learn and discover on their own. Believe me, I make sure there are plenty of clues to work with. If anyone involved in the situation decides they don't want to participate, it's their perogative to quit the SL. I don't chain anyone to their computers and force them to participate. I'm ever so sorry that my SL inconvenienced you so much, but tough shit. You don't dictate what Anya does any more than I do, it was her decision to join into the SL and participate and remain an active participant. Several times I just wanted to throw the whole fucking thing away, but she threatened to continue it herself because she wanted to see it out to its conclusion.

I've pretty much covered everything I feel needs to be covered. I don't care if you think I'm an asshole, I don't care if you hate me with a passion that lies unmatched in this life or the next. Frankly, I don't care if you think I'm a giant pink marshmallow Peep with tentacles and tank treads that rules a small community in Latvia. I don't even care if you come into my LJ to comment on things I post. As I said, whether you believe it or not, I do hold a respect for you, and I welcome what you have to say, even though at times I may seem to feel otherwise. Just don't sit there and accuse me of stabbing you in the back. Don't accuse me of betraying you, or anything else for that matter. Don't even pretend that we at any point held a friendship to betray or backstab, that just isn't true. Whether you want that to be different in the future, hey, anything's possible, we may eventually come to an understanding and like each other, but right now? I think we can agree we aren't very fond of each other. And please, please, please don't sit there and assume my motives in anything. My motives are community property, come and ask me and I'll tell you exactly why I do anything. I dealt with my fair share of high school drama years ago, I have no desire to return to that place in an activity that is supposed to be a fun hobby.

This is what I have to say. Take it or leave it as you will, but whether you believe it or not, I have done you the respect of giving you the truth and nothing but.

Chapter 41, Page #319 of Faith of the Fallen by Terry Goodkind:
"The most important rule there is, the Wizard's Sixth Rule: the only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason."

This is what I have seen since the beginning.
First observation. You created an entirely closed SL. No thing anyone could do, regardless of logic, capability, or any other circumstance could affect the SL in any way except in the ways you directly set out; ways which have been entirely unavailable for several months now. The consequence of this left a choice: Either Drake, Rose, and Ron abandon 'Anya, or are tortured by an unrealistic inability to have any effect on the situation. The net result of this: either we become bad roleplayers, or are forced to endure an unpleasant situation ceaselessly. You say you don't chain us and force us to roleplay, but the only alternative we have is to cut off 'Anya for OOC and illogical reasons. That is no choice at all.

Corollary to the first observation. We do this to have fun. Depriving us of this fun by forcing a static situation on us is unfair. We did not agree to this, but we must nevertheless deal with it, and have been dealing with it.

Second observation. Second-hand promises. Since August, we have been hearing that a solution is coming soon, that this mess will be resolved soon. These promises always came second-hand, due to the third observation. Either you never said this sort of thing, in which case we've been lied to, or you did and reneged, in which case we've still been lied to. In either case, this would not be a problem except for the third observation.

Third observation: Communication. Your biggest complaint back during the time of trouble was that no one was communicating with you. However, when I attempted to do so, you ignored me. I would have accepted a simple reply saying, "I don't know," or words to that effect; instead, no one recieved any word whatsover. A simple response would have solved a number of problems and laid rest to a number of doubts. Ignoring the message implies either that you don't care enough to answer it, or don't want to address what it said.

Fourth observation: Convenience and logic gaps. A catch-all category. For example, the notion that D-Boy is the only being capable of touching 'Anya; logical, perhaps, but also particularly convenient. The fact that you say that your SLs are not scheduled, that it's live interactive roleplay, but as per observation one, the only possibly interaction or effect anyone else can have relies entirely on you providing an opportunity you didn't provide. (There is also using OOC information, which is both bad roleplaying and completely counter to what we've seen IC.) Other things which totally escape my mind at this point in time.

Those are the observations, and the conjectures I've drawn from them, objectively as possible.

Breaching objectivity: Truth be told, I don't like you either. I find it ironic that it seems to be the fate of dragons to dislike each other; you're the second other one I've personally known, and I ended up hating the first one. (If it's any consolation, she jilted my best friend, so you've got nothing on her for pissing me off...) Truthfully, I think that if magic ever comes back into the world, the dragons are all going to end up being feudal overlords of nation-states, constantly at war with each other. At least in that case, our domains won't be in direct conflict..

First off, the use of OOC information... um, dude? What the fuck is Dunk's name? Haven't you figured it out yet? He's not a character based off me, he IS me. He's MY avatar, he knows EVERYTHING I know, he can do ANYTHING I can type (within the boundaries of the guidelines of freeform cooperative roleplay). So yeah, he is gonna know OOC shit. He's my ONLY character I allow to know OOC information. And D? He USED to be my avatar, so he knows EVERYTHING I knew up to the point I disconnected him and let him become his own character. The difference between the two being that D knows he's his own character now, Dunk doesn't, and is still packed with all the power he had when he was simply an extension of my consciousness into Rhydin. And, in case you haven't noticed the pattern, when I "disconnect" my avatars, they go a little insane... they're losing their sense of self, after all. Is this character concept jacked? Don't know, don't care, YOU are the FIRST person who's ever had a problem with it, so I don't know what to tell you, other than the inflamatory "kiss my ass" which will get us nowhere but into a heated arguement.

Next, communication... you're right, I could have very easily responded with a simple, "I don't know," and I should have, and for that I appologize. At the time I was so disgusted with it all, I just didn't want to communicate with anyone at that point. I'd gotten sick of hearing from everyone about everyone else's problems with me and what I do/did. For this one piece, I am truly sorry, and admit I was wholly in the wrong.

Next, convenience and coincidence... yes, I admit it does indeed look bad. Again, I don't really care. My friends either understand or just plain don't care. But I am telling you now, once and for all, It was NOT my intention to split the two of them up. Take this as you will, I'm not going to try to convince you of this any further, it'll get neither of us anywhere but in circles.

Why can D-boy touch Anya? Just occured to me one day, D-boy shares the same bioelectic field as Dunk, as they are still the same person, and Dunk wouldn't make anything that he'd set off himself. Again, I understand how "convenient" this looks, but shit, it just made sense at the time.

Next, opportunity... I DID provide opportunity on MANY occasions. YOU all decided that Dunk was THE ANSWER, and that was not the case. I dropped MANY clues that D was the answer, and so far it looks like Anya's player was the only one that picked up on it, as she brought it up to me before I evcn had to say anything to her. Actually, I was waiting on HER to make the move to realize that fact IC, but alas, it never came to pass, even when I WAS around every night as D. So please, do NOT blame me for not providing opportunity. I told you I put the ball in her court and was waiting for her to make the play, so I've been waiting just as much as you have.

The OOC information I was referencing was in fact several suggestions I'd heard about the bullet extraction method being ordinary science, rather than magic or Science. I was referring to the fact that if Drake attempted to use ordinary science to extract the bullet without being told that it would work by a reliable source, it would be bad roleplaying on my part. That was what I meant; nothing to do with the relationship between you and your characters.

As for the many clues, they paled in comparison to being outright told, at the beginning, "You must find the one who did this and convince him to undo it." Hard to see stars in daylight

Well, that issue was supposed to be covered when the ball dropped, as Anya had already started figuring out the clues, including ones I hadn't even thought anyone would pick up on and that I'd have to make blatantly clear later if at all.

But thank you for the clarification, I have been accused of blending in the past, but you can imagine how annoying it is when I'm accused of it when playing my own avatar. I'm glad to hear that you got the point already.

As for forcing you into this roleplay? Um, did it EVER occur to you that people can STILL interact with a person when they can't make physical contact with them? Once Anya's player FINALLY started toning it down recently, she was very pleasant to be around, she wasn't dying, she wasn't any of these things, she was simply there, and a terrific source of intellectual stimulation and interaction. Do not blame me if your characters have developed to the point where they can't enjoy a person's company simply because they're there. I say this because I have HAD friends who I could not touch, could not go near, due to severe health problems. I didn't have this gut-wrenching feeling of watching someone I care about die, because they weren't dying. I just simply couldn't physically interact with them because I ran the risk of infecting them with otherwise benign germs that would have ravaged them. So again, I DID NOT force you into playing anything, you engaged in it entirely of your own free wills, and it was YOU that decided it had to be one extreme or the other, not me. If you felt deprived of fun as a result of this, then I am sorry, but that did not have to be, and I find it amazing that you hold to the idea that it was simply so miserable a situation when there were others who were able to interact with her perfectly well and enjoy her company without getting all weepy over her plight.

About the "second-hand promises"... again, I had been waiting for the ball to go into play just as long as you have, sans about two weeks. You do the math from there, I'm not going to appologize for what I'd been waiting for as well.

And now comes the personal part... we're in agreement, we don't like each other. But from your last paragraph, I would take it to mean that you hold some measure of respect for me as well. Whether I like you or not, that measure of respect is greatly appreciated. I have endeavored to have my characters interact with yours in a friendly manner and not biased by personal dislike in respect to you, and from what I have seen, you've done the same for me, save instances on both our parts where our characters have given each other's reason to be upset. Despite our differences and distaste for one another, I intend to continue to pay you respect. I respect people willing to stand toe-to-toe with me and "let me have it." So let's hope these two dragons can at least find a way to co-exist.

Some days, I thank the gods I'm a cat.

Gotta love our dragons, though. They put on a great show.

::offers her fellow feline some popcorn::

............

Thank you for making light of our debate. Really makes it all seem worthwhile.

Just injecting a bit of humor.

Believe me, I am NOT making light of the discussion's topic.

Or who's discussing it.

Wow...I don't think I'm ever gonna role-play. World domination would be easier and less stressful than this.

Yes. You're right. Trust me on this one.

So...need a furball to help in world domination? Or does your 'raptor buddy already count?

Nah, Wilbur isn't furry. You may have to compete with the hedgehog, otherwise the more the merrier!

...Wouldn't the hedgehog be kind of prickly?

Hey, so long as he doesn't throw any kamehamehas at me, I won't try eating him. I promise. n.n

True, true. This would explain why Wilbur hasn't made a meal of the poor creature yet. (Hedgehog runs by wearing half of a clear lightbulb over its' head. "To infinity and beyond!")...Besides it might be nice to have someone who has a shred of sanity to help take over this crazy world.

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Backstabber Bonfire

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RESPONSE pt 1

RESPONSE pt. 2

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Me Too!

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Two Dragons Don't Always Make a Knight (I know that was lame)

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