Tonight is apparently Shadowrun! Or Chicken Run. Or steamed hams. Normilan, the edgy street samurai, kills a dude with his spurs brutally. The PCs are out to free a brass dragon through stealth and guile.

DM: To your horror, this could not stand, and many of you made a plan to free that dragon.
Cruroar: You make it sound like everyone made individual plans to do it on their own.
Brunt: Dragon, dragon, free the dragon.

Hilarity ensues. Giles moves to sneak in, despite his comrades’ directions!

Giles: How close am I to the tent from my current location?
DM: You are standing outside the inn, in the town. You will need to go over the bridge, into the carnival proper…

The bridge is unguarded. Giles takes some time to establish boundaries.

Giles: Is there anything else in the direction of the carnival other than the carnival itself?
DM: The entire land to the west.
Giles: Good to know.
DM: It has not fallen into the void. It is still there.
Tasha: How long would it take us to walk from an undisclosed area to the dragon is? Or to where he must be in the meantime.
DM: ‘Undisclosed location’ is not a lot of information for me to base my answer off of! I DON’T KNOW!

They creep over to peer at the sights, and spot the patrols moving regularly moving around the carnival’s perimeter. Eilnys eagerly disguises herself as an 8-year-old girl, though they debate just sending Giles in to set the tent on fire and waiting for the distraction. Giles beseeches Invisibility.

DM: Give him the finger, Normilan, the finger!
Brunt: Finger of Invisibility!
Normilan: I’ll finger you!
DM: Ooh! Ooh! Five minute break, guys!
Normilan: That’s all?
Tasha: What if I create water?
Normilan: You can’t!
Brunt: That’s how you blend in…

Tasha proposes the classic ‘the master told us to do this!’ to explain why they’ll be running away from the fire…

Normilan: Maybe we should get a better lie.
Tasha: ‘Scuse me, but my Bluff is a 17.
Normilan: Yeah, but you need a credible lie!
Brunt: Yeah, like what if you’re trying to convince someone that Krustyburgers are steamed hams?
DM: ‘Good lord, what is happening in that tent?!’
Brunt: I’m gonna stop now, I promise.
DM: Yes, think of a more credible lie, Normilan the Wise.

Normilan and Brunt babble at each other in weird accents, while Tasha abruptly proposes to cast Divination.

DM: You have that prepared!?
Tasha: Yes I do.
DM: All this time and you’ve never cast it?!
Brunt: Well, you know, there’s water to be created…
Normilan: ‘Great god of the pack, will we succeed?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Will anybody die?’ ‘Oh yeah.’ ‘I don’t like you, God of the Pack.’ ‘I know.’ ‘That’s not even an answer you can give!’ ‘Oh well!’

They turn back to their prospective lie. How do they get the guards away from the animals without themselves going to help with the crisis at hand?

Tasha: We run out with them! But we run a liiiiiittle bit slower…
Normilan: ‘Oh my ankles! Uh, I’ll catch up guys!’
Tasha: ‘I gotta catch my breath! It took me everything I had over here…’
DM: You probably shouldn’t have tried that trick on the guard with one leg and crutches. ‘Really, guys? Really?’
Tasha: Well let’s just go in there and kill them! Let’s kill all the guards.
Giles: I say we nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Brunt: This is Hunnerd Gold Z. This’ll be known as the Traveling Carnival Arc.
DM: ‘Are they still at the carnival?!’ (singing the title card theme)
Brunt: ‘Gosh, I thought they’d be back by now.’
DM: ‘Is Brunt really a Super Slamhand?’

They realize they’ve only got one hope: Winging it. And hobbling the horses, apparently, sine that their universal go-to. The groups break up to begin their mission, with some staying at the carts and some moving to the carnival.

Brunt: I dunno how Brunt would feel about splatting thralls, but…
Tasha: We didn’t set up any type of warning signal to these guys if we needed help, did we?
Cruroar: Look, if you guys need help—
Normilan: You’re SOL.
Brunt: I think the sound of steel on steel… or Babau Slimes being hurled around…
Cruroar: The last time this happened, trust me, we found out there was problems.
Giles: You guys can freaking see if there’s a problem, if we can see the guards following my progress.
Tasha: Right now I’m talking about where Cruroar is, and Brunt, and Bimmy and Jimmy and Quirion.
Brunt: Even you use Bimmy and Jimmy now. You gave them real names and you’ve abandoned them.
DM: You can’t prove that.
Brunt: Oh?! OH?! Tell me, then! From where did I get the names… that were written down somewhere else?
DM: Ha ha ha!

A weird divergence on Cruroar’s official title ensues, before Brunt finds his name list.

Brunt: Graves and Calbash.
DM: Those were two other guys.
Normilan: DM BS! Is that on there still?

Giles heads for the main gates, where he finds a peasant holding it shut in lieu of a lock, apparently. Eilnys proposes hurling him over the fence. He gets his spell laid upon him and moves for the jump, trying to make 4 feet of fence in a roll! The table argues furiously over clambering versus jumping, to the DM’s fury. Alarmingly, the caravan have started to move, while Cruroar feels asleep.

Giles: 22, which seems to be enough to clear it.
DM: Over you go, leaping into the air. Abruptly, the fence that you have soared over springs upward, gaining six feet in height, and you slam directly – that didn’t really happen.
Tasha: I was gonna say! Wait, what?
Normilan: What an ass!

Giles sneaks, and apparently attracts no attention as he wends his way invisibly towards the large tent. Somehow Giles kills everyone but lighting fire to oily rags and alchemists’ fire blocking the one exit out of the tent. Creeping to the side entrance, he peeks into the tent, spotting the ringmaster giving instructions to a group of 20 people or so. Sticking to the plan, he smashes a flask of alchemist’s fire onto the tent! The DM calls for a Hide check!

Brunt: Roll a 1. You jump into the fire, where no one will see you amidst the flames.
Cruroar: Putting on your fire camouflage, and by fire camouflage I mean setting yourself on fire…

Several moments pass before the flames are spotted! They are dismissed as the Ringmaster cooking steamed hams.

DM: Those of you who are watching from the outside, abruptly see four lights take shape in the space of a square in the air above the carnival.
Normilan: There are four lights!
Eilnys: Someone used Dancing Lights.
Normilan: Trance music begins.

Giles is spotted, and a guard reaches for his pouch! The DM pushes Giles to make a decision, fast! He chooses to try to hide again, even as the guard puts a cross of Dancing Lights into the sky.

DM: A moment later a great boom erupts over the tent. From the outside, you all can see the guards who are walking the perimeter immediately stop and turn their attention outwards, while inside movement begins to erupt. From the great main tent, several of the people who were inside move in, scattering in all directions from the exits You quickly duck behind a tent!
Normilan: Okay. Might have to go insivisble.

They’re sticking to the plan! Eilnys remains back by her pony, hoping to pick up Giles if he can get out – but then Giles is spotted by a guard as a group runs past! They fall in love, apparently, as the guard goes for his pouch.

Eilnys: Sap! Sap!
Giles: Um, I think the prudent thing is, he’s just gonna summon more guards to spot, so I am making a beeline out of there.
DM: You dive out of cover just as the crack of sound erupts through the air. This seems to draw the attention of everyone nearby, and abruptly, as you’re running for the tent, all eyes are on you,
Brunt: The point wasn’t to burn down the tent, it was to get the dragon out.
Normilan: We’re not going to get Giles out…

The other team goes over the fence, discovering a P-Wing. Electing not to be quiet they hurry to the animal tent. Cruroar realizes their folly!

Cruroar: We shoulda just – hire a crazy bum to run in nekkid, and try to have sex with the animals!
DM: NOW you have that idea. Oh! Oh, Giles gets super-lucky, SUPEr-lucky. You hear a faint whirling past you as if something just barely missed you, and past you fly two sets of bolas that fall to the ground next to you.
Normilan: Holy shit.
Cruroar: Holy shit!
DM: Their terrible rolling even against your touch AC has proved your luck.
Giles: Excellent, how far am I from the tent?
DM: You’d better give me a Jump check.
Giles: And my dice falls off the table.
Eilnys: That’s a natural 20, dude!
DM: No it’s not! Does that explain everything you’ve ever done!? Drop your die, ‘Oh shit, dropped my die, it’s a natural 20!’ NO WONDER she never sits at the table!
Giles: Um, 35.
Normilan: Damn.
DM: You sail over that fence like it isn’t there.
Brunt: Waving that raccoon tail behind you.
Cruroar: I feel bad. I’m glad he made it, but I wanted that 1…

Giles gets tripped by a bola! The players angrily argue that the fence should have prevented this, to the DM’s fury, and he rants about it for several minutes while Tasha and Brunt provoke him more.

Cruroar: Aren’t you glad I’m not really involved in this? I don’t have a leg in the horse—
DM: A leg in the horse!? Kicking it! Die, horse!

Giles cuts the bola and rises, only to come under further bola fire and go right down again, losing his dagger in the process but managing to Tumble forward as Eilnys spurs her horse forward to intercept him!

Tasha: Please be disguised as an eight-year-old girl!

The rest of the group reaches the tent and Tasha disguises herself as a guard, with the players well-aware this plan will not work, to break invisibility by opening the tent flap.

DM: It’s easy to be quiet, but not so easy to not be seen, especially since you find the guards inside are watching it carefully. Two of them are eyeing you as you open up the cloth. In tandem, they say, “What is afoot?”
Brunt: It’s connected to your ankle…?
Tasha: Um. I’m gonna have to roll Bluff for this one. I don’t know if it’s Bluff or Diplomacy. Regardless…
DM: Why did you say that, Brunt?

Tasha Bluffs, claiming to be extra protection for the dragon. Her roll is not bad, a 24.

DM: The two look at each other. “This is not according to protocol.” “This is not according to protocol.” “What are the circumstances,” they ask again in tandem, “that require additional guards here?”
Tasha: I’m looking around, are they the only two in here?
DM: No, there’s a dragon.
Tasha: But aside from the dragon.
DM: That’s correct. But these are legitimate guards, I should add. They’re wearing armor and carrying weapons, not like the performers who are running around with daggers and bolas and eternal wands of dancing lights. They are seriously prepared for battle.
Cruroar: Can wands, like, have malfunctions and go off?
DM: With Use Magic Device, yes. You might recall doing that earlier. “Whoooooo is your master?”
Brunt: WHAT?
DM: You don’t remember that?
Brunt: NO!

The DM refreshes Brunt, while Tasha claims to the guards that the ringmaster has set extra guards to watch the dragon and those two should go outside to watch there. Normilan, however, creeps forward invisibly into the room.

DM: The sad thing is, we’ll never know if it would have worked or not.
Normilan: Oh, the thrallherd.
DM: No, even – I’m sorry, Normilan, you screwed it up.
Normilan: I did? Oh, I did – aww, man.
DM: Check this out, this is what happens. Abruptly the cage between them rattles violently as the dragon jerks its head up and looks over its shoulder, straight at Normilan. Unwisely, in its poor sense at the moment, having detected you with its dragon senses, the sudden motion from the dragon does not go unheard of by the guards who look at it, share a glance, and then both of them draw their swords. “An intruder,” they say, in exact tandem. “We must slay it.”
Cruroar: Pull out your sword and say the same thing! Mimic their actions!
Tasha: Can I bluff to pretend I’m still with this, to make them lose guard against me Do I get sneak attack bonus in any way…?
DM: No, you are not a fucking rogue!
Normilan: Stop trying to add stuff to your class!

The DM draws the map. Tasha ponders the rules for her Bag of Boulders, which she has had for ages and still refuses to consult the rules on. Normilan points to the stuff the DM is putting down.

Normilan: Oily rags.
DM: Not everything is oily rags!
Eilnys: Some of it is oily toerags!

Cruroar rolls up a new character with d4s and they complain about Dynasty Warriors 9, and then initiative comes out! Everyone piles onto initiative count 18 somehow, and Tasha, first to act, immediately Ice Axes a guard. Normilan casts Knock on the cage, causing it to open.

DM: The dragon actually becomes relevant to this conflict…
Normilan: Is he gonna hurt me?
Tasha: No, you can speak to him in Draconic.
Normilan: “We’ve come to rescue you, little one!”
Tasha: ‘I never asked to be rescued!’ Foooom!
DM: Well, we’re off to a wonderful start here. The one who is on my left drops back and swings his sword forward. It shines with a brilliant green light as it strikes Normilan.
Normilan: He didn’t even ask me for my AC.
Brunt: Because he crit!
DM: What’s your AC?
Normilan: 16.
DM: That hits. He rolled higher than that without even accounting for any of his modifiers.
Normilan: Okay. He didn’t roll, is what you said.
DM: What?!
Cruroar: He fell for the trap!
Normilan: I’m teasing, I’m teasing. (a pause) I die!
DM: 11 points of physical and 6 points of acid damage.
Normilan: Acid?!
DM: And with his second attack, he lunges forward, contemptuously attempting to spit you. However, out of pure reflex, you catch his shield and shove it backwards. His strength is not up to yours when it is so surprisingly inflicted. He stumbles backwards and to his horror his weapon drags a long open wound across his own arm.
Normilan: Ah, a 1.
Cruroar: Oh, THAT’S what you were complaining about.

The dragon scrapes free of the cage, and the other guard tries to take down Tasha with a total of 15 physical and 5 lightning. Then it turns out Tasha has lightning resistance 10 and takes none of that lightning damage! Cruroar repeatedly refers to the NPC as ‘Paladin Dank’. Tasha goes ham with the ice axe, slaughtering the guard.

Normilan: Hmmmmmmm.
Cruroar: Polymorph would work too.
Normilan: ‘I’m out, bitches!’ Actually, that’s not a bad idea.
DM: Leave it to Tasha!

Normilan casts Flame Whips, turning his arms into whips of flame. The DM finds this weird; Tasha finds it metal. A flame whip and an ice axe cancel each other out, ruining everything.

DM: The guard looks at the pair of you, rips a gem off of his armor, drops it, and steps on it. It crushes under feet, and the sound of a great roar fills the tent, It sounds much like the dinosaur roar you heard on the visit in.
Tasha: 19.
Normilan: Not me!
DM: What’d you roll?
Normilan: A 3. Which is still a 19!
DM: I was wondering, what the fuck. He activated an item that when broken triggered a Ghost Sound.

The PCs furiously argue over whether they should just kill the guard or cast Hold Person, though the dragon savagely attacks the guard. They desperately try to relay communication to the dragon.

Tasha: And then can you jump over and grab him?
Normilan: My arms are whips right now, buddy! I’m not grabbing anyone. Without hurting them.
Tasha: Fine…

Tasha could apparently speak Draconic this entire time. They yell at it to warn it of their plan, but it can’t respond with its mouth riveted shut. Tasha Dimension Doors them out. Eilnys gallops up to catch up Giles and, of course, rolls a natural 20, but she can’t manage to haul him up into the saddle so Giles is bouncing on the ground constantly.

DM: Behind you, a great roar erupts in the night. Continuing to drag Giles, who has taken three points of subdual damage from this treatment…
Cruroar: I want to see poor Giles, she’s like… “We did it, Giles!” It’s just his corpse.
Normilan: They find us by following the bloodstreams…
DM: An opposite sides of the circus, all of you can see this clearly, even those of you waiting back by the cart. The great dinosaur practically smashes its way out from behind the main tent, lets out a roar into the night. Those of you near the town can hear the commotion caused by this sudden noise splitting the night and confusing the townfolk. It swivels its head, looking vaguely in both of your directions.
Tasha: We’re… well over 640 feet away.
DM: A great huff goes up from its nostrils, and then it turns to follow the most recent threat. Swiveling to face you two on the pony, it begins to stomp forward at speed.

Eilnys hauls Giles up and they whip the horse to speed as the allosaur follows in a frenzy of flavor text. Most of the group encourages Eilnys not to lead it into town (you can guess which cleric thinks it’s an awesome idea).

DM: In the cart Quirion is frantically pounding on Brunt’s armor. You barely notice the fact. “WE’VE GOT TO SAVE THEM! WE’VE GOT TO SAVE THEM!”
Brunt: “What’s all this?”
Tasha: “Brunt, I had nothing to do with this.”
DM: ‘Must go faster! Must go faster!’ Giles says…
Brunt: ‘I’ve got her! I’ve got her!’
DM: “Brunt, Brunt! Wake up! You’re having a weird, weird dream! Cruroar, Cruroar, Brunt’s gone crazy, we’ve got to save them!”
Cruroar: “Yeah, I’m trying to figure out what our best course of action would be.”
Normilan: ‘Count of Prole – awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!’
DM: He does fly…

They quickly establish some position, leading the cart group to meet up with the dragon group. Cruroar proposes tossing the dragon in the back, but it’s frantically scratching at its riveted-shut muzzle restraint.

Normilan: Oh, I’m sorry. Rust Ray.
DM: He is now a rust dragon. What the fuck, Normilan?
Normilan: Well, that didn’t work.

Brunt becomes Arthur from Ghouls and Ghosts for some reason, so the DM punishes him with the torch as his weapon. The dragon, now free, scrambles for the air.

Cruroar: Um… Wasn’t there a dragon in like – it hung out with us in Barack’s game? Like there was the whole part where the dragon was looking at my horse, and I was like, ‘nope’, so I just disappear it, so you make me do the check to see whether or not I fall on my ass? Because that was the first and only time you made me do that!
Normilan: This was obviously a fever dream you had.

They continue to debate dragons in old campaigns as Cruroar spurs the horses, and the allosaur threatens to pin Eilnys and Giles against the river as they race to the rescue.

Tasha: Oh, I got the Fly spell!
Normilan: ‘Tasha, awaaaaaaaaaaaay!’ Someone’s gonna abandon this party, I’m just saying, one of these days.

The allosaurus is regarded with the same skepticism as one might consider a localized aurora borealis. Tasha proposes to cast Moonlust, which would distract it with the moon apparently? Then create a bridge over the river with Darkway. Bimmy and Jimmy survive to carry on the mission alone. With the map drawn, the minis go down, including makeshift cart which I think is a latrine on its side. A weird discussion about cake jokes ensues, which is painful and leads to the DM laboriously explaining how his weird cake visor lets him see into ultravelvet. Initiative! The group openly encourages Tasha to cheat.

Brunt: How deep is the river?
DM: Not very.
Brunt: Never mind. God damn it.
DM: It’s probably a good 10 feet in its center.
Brunt: Mmm.
Cruroar: I was hoping you’d be all, ‘it’s the river from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.’ The dinosaur slips in. (miming flailing)
DM: Dude! You’re thinking Robin Hood: Men in Tights!
Cruoar: Is it?
Normilan: Again, I’m like, what are you talking about? Again?
DM: What a conflation! That’s great!
Cruroar: I’m sorry I don’t have a perfect memory like you.
Giles: What exactly is the situation here? I was busy trying to make sure I actually ate something for dinner.

The DM describes the miniatures with helpful sound effects and anthropomorphization. Giles, first to act, takes Total Defense! He’s on a horse.

Tasha: Tasha is gonna cast Command on the allosaur.
Eilnys: Good luck, it’s probably being ridden by the thrallherd.
DM: It has no evident rider.
Eilnys: I mean mentally.
DM: He’s not a rigger!
Eilnys: He’s a psion, you jackass!
DM: It is a language-dependent spell. Do you think the allosaur shares a language in common with you?
Tasha: Probably not.
Cruroar: Languages for allosaurs… Allosaurese?

Tasha casts Bless, and then Quirion casts Moonlust. Eilnys turns her pony to keep it out of the river. The dinosaur saves, but is still debuffed. It attacks Giles, but his Total Defense saves his ass! Cruroar moves to turn the horses on the cart!

Normilan: ‘Port to starboard, release a barrage!’ I put cannons on this, I forgot to tell you.
Brunt: Do a broadside!
DM: We have a spinal-mounted cannon. What the fuck, guys!

Normilan is up, to his absolute shock. He checks to make sure his spell has dissipated.

DM: With a sigh of relief, Normilan can whack it again.
Normilan: Yay!
Cruroar: There was a bug, his arms are stuck like this.
Normilan: I pull out my wand.
DM: Normilan, able to whack it again, pull out his ‘wand’. You all are repulsed.
Normilan: ‘Really, no one likes this? Guys?’
DM: To give himself a better sensation, Normilan casts Fists of Stone.
Cruroar: Is that a wizard Stranger?!

Normilan fires a Magic Missile. Brunt is up next, but his mini has tumbled off the makeshift cart!

DM: Put Brunt on the wagon before he starts complaining he’s dead or something.
Brunt: I wasn’t complaining, it’s not your fault he’s on the table.
DM: I don’t wanna hear that bitching for another 17 session. ‘Oh, he drowned.’
Cruroar: God, the DM’s pretty salty tonight! Is that cake okay?
DM: I’ve been salting my asshole.
Brunt: It’s a far leap to say the character who was legitimately drowning in-game correlates perfectly to a mini falling off another mini.
DM: He was not! He had perfectly good Swim checks.
Brunt: He did?
DM: Yes, he made them just fine.
Brunt: Retroactively.
DM: Look! I never said I was a good DM!

The DM gets a salstshaker up his asshole and everyone calls it good. Brunt charges forward to tank the dino, and promptly gets bitten by it and grappled.

Giles: Do we even have a chance of beating this thing?
Brunt and Cruroar: No.
Tasha and Normilan: Probably not.

The dragon joins in the fight, swooping in to breathe fire! Brunt demands to take damage from the breath, because he’s Brunt.

Tasha: Feed it the pony!
Eilnys: My pony!
Tasha: Eat the pony! Get off of Brunt, eat the pony!
Eilnys: No! My pony!
Normilan: We’ll get you a new pony! In this instance, IT is now meat on legs.

Giles despairs of hitting the monster. The party points out it’s RIGHT next to him.

Normilan: It’s a huge creature! How hard is it to hit it?!
DM: Thrallherd cast Epic Mage Armor on it.
Normilan: Oh. We’re fucked.

Cruroar rolls up a new character, while Eilnys rages, hurls herself off the pony, and promptly crits the dinosaur.

Tasha: ‘YOU BIT BRUNT! AAAAAGH!’
DM: ‘He’s the only one I LIKED!’
Eilnys: That’s not true, I like Quirion and Normil -- (hurriedly correcting her wrong pronunciation) -- Normilan.
Tasha: ‘Tasha can just die!’

Tasha refuses to look up her rules for the Bag of Boulders for the zillionth time, then fails to properly overwrite enhancement bonuses from spells. Quirion and Cruroar argue over which is cooler – a skull lord or an allosaur.

Tasha: You said there’s magic cast on it?
DM: How would you know?
Tasha: I guess.. okay. I wouldn’t know.
Brunt: Stop acting like we’re going to win this.

Tasha has Quirion throw a rock, making him wonder why he’s an idiot, and he hurriedly swaps actions to Bless on Giles and Eilnys. Brunt promptly gets swallowed.

Tasha: The one person who didn’t want anything to do with this is the one getting eaten.
Brunt: You sound somewhat surprised.

Normilan polymorphs himself into a troll, and Brunt gets acid and bludgeoning damage. The DM reviews rules for attacking the stomach.

Normilan: Ooh, is his sword attacking through the allosaurus?
DM: No. To be fair, he has displacer weapon. He could hit himself and teleport himself out.
Brunt: And then just get eaten again.
Normilan: ‘I’m safer in heeeeere!’

Brunt draws a kukri to cut his way out, to the DM’s immense surprise. He wonders why Brunt has a kukri, not a normal dagger; Brunt says it’s a little more exotic than standard human weapons. Giles hits the dinosaur!

Normilan: I hate you all.
Eilnys: Except for me, I’m the only one who hasn’t farted yet.
Normilan: I hate most of the people at this table.
Cruroar: That’s okay. According to her, she hates Cruroar.
Eilnys: I didn’t say I hated him!
Brunt: To be fair, the DM put those words in her mouth.

Attacks hail down on the dino. Eilnys crits again. With a x3 weapon.

Brunt: Once we got on death’s door, he’ll shrink the allosaur’s hit points.
Normilan: We’ll win by fiat!
DM: You’d be surprised how much I DON’T do that for you guys. Brunt! The blade of an axe comes an inch from your face before it withdraws. You can only go, ‘what the fuck was that?’

The dinosaur, sick of Eilnys’s shit, bites her. Cruroar promptly crits.

DM: Damn. You guys are like, ‘fuck your efforts to kill us, DM, we’re slaughtering the shit out of this thing.’

Cruroar blasts a massive, flavor-texty hole into the dinosaur. Normilan lays into it with his troll claws and rending, then Giles sneak-attacks!

DM: You scramble further up its head, using the impaled blade as a handhold, then practically leap off of it, dragging your sword along its throat. The great artery in its neck is severed. Blood fountains over all of you in melee range as the allosaur collapses to the ground.
Giles: “All according to plan!”

The group applauds Giles and the DM awards him 50 xp. They scramble onto the cart, and the group makes their escape at as top a speed as the ponies can manage.

Brunt: I think a quick dunk in the river would be appropriate first.
Normilan: Maybe a little further down, let’s get some distance first.
Brunt: You guys have to live with the smell…
Normilan: I’m still a troll, I probably don’t smell too good either.
DM: Some distance away, the cart abruptly sags as something thumps onto the top of it.
Normilan: Peek up…
DM: Are you still a troll?
Normilan: I probably should change back…
Cruroar: If this was a Telltale game, at the top of the screen… ‘The Ringmaster will remember this.’
DM: I’m sorry guys. I have terrible news. Codsworth disliked that.

Preston Garvey leans in, marks the location of another dragon who needs help on their map, then leans out. Seemingly safe, they clean themselves off. Cynically, they call the entire escapade practice for their actual mission. Cruroar promptly becomes a thrall. Normilan promptly becomes a thrall. The DM just imagines this as the most awesome game.

Normilan: That’d be great if you kept it… subtle somehow.
DM: Yeah, subtle somehow. ‘I’m so hungry,’ your master says, coming over to you. (miming taking a bite out of him)
Normilan: What the hell?
DM: You’re okay with that.

Normilan rolls a thrall that has the Innsmouth Look for reasons I can barely begin to describe. The dragon at last manages to thank them.

Cruroar: “We got to add ‘brass dragon’ to the list of cool things we’ve seen.”
Tasha: “You’re the first chromatic dragon we’ve come across in our time.”
Cruroar and Normilan: That’s not a chromatic dragon.
DM: Brass is a metal. ‘Lady Tasha, you’re an idiot.’
Normilan: You ran into a chromatic dragon. It cost you like 3000 gold.
DM: “It sounds like you all have quite a story to tell.”
Normilan: “If you plan to stay with us, maybe we can tell it to you.”
Brunt: ‘We shall call you Lockheed.’

The dragon introduces itself as Glimmer. Normilan begins telling the tale, aggressively trying to trail off into an off-camera recap and failing.

Cruroar: How long – was it between being simple townfolk and…
Normilan: A year and a half now?
DM: About that yeah, there was a couple of six month pauses.
Cruroar: That still – it’s a lot to go from nobody to Count.
Normilan: It is a very short time.
DM: It helps when you stumble on an elven princess kidnapping.

A pause.

Cruroar: Oh, that’s right, this DID start with the peasant ball!

They return the dragon to the Count of Seacrest. It is lost and confused, and wants to stay with them for the time-being. It promptly becomes Quirion 2. The group debates how they could disguise the dragon if they ever enter into a town.

Tasha: Because the DM buys a lot of this stuff, this is all out of character… ‘Don’t worry, dragon, I’ll keep you safe. I’m gonna put a muzzle on you first so that you don’t attract nay noises. And then I’m going to chain you to the top of the cart here.’
DM: Roll for initiative!

The DM ends by inflicting horrible traps on them, which they cheerfully keep rolling to trigger for some reason. They also receive experience in good quantity, including a good-planning bonus. 8th level is in sight, but the DM hypes their next session darkly.

Normilan: Wait a minute! This cart is made out of pianos!