The Rise of Tiamat begins with Maldrake patching up Thalynmar, as the DM recaps their position: deep within Xonthal’s tower, they have reached the dungeon, and their path is guarded by two stone and one fire elemental. The audio IMMEDIATLEY fails, which is a great omen. Maldrake possesses the spell Banishment, and contemplates expending it to get rid of one.

DM: Remember, Xonthal was known for MANY extraplanar summonings.
Thalynmar: Xonthal was known for being a cunt!
DM: Not just elementals, but genies, even demons if the rumors are true. And he himself may still exist as a lich, if you want to believe the rumors heard in the town. You may have greater foes to face.

Maldrake looks for sign of a battle, though his efforts are inconclusive at best. Raven attempts to contribute, but his volume is a bit low.

Raven: You know my strategy. Sit there and take it to the face.
DM: Thalynmar, see if you can turn up Raven a little, he’s too quiet.
Thalynmar: Raven, you are looking sexy toniiiiiight….
DM: Up! Up!
Thalynmar: Oh, sorry.
Raven: Um.

An Investigation check is rolled for some reason; Maldrake, looking for traps, moves slowly forward, but neither sees nor triggers traps.

Maldrake: “Just passing through! Here to take care of the intruder that left all this blood!”

Maldrake determines there is only one blood trail, reasonably fresh, and apparently living with its auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. He puts one foot into the room – and the DM calls for initiative! The fire elemental is first, hurling itself at Maldrake for six fire damage, and the dragonborn catches on fire! Its attack hits him in the eyes for 19!

DM: You feel the fluids of your eyes heat up painfully, and your vision briefly blurs before you shake off the pain.
Maldrake: Considering I’m inside him, I don’t think I CAN douse myself. So why would I waste that time?
DM: I’m just saying, that’s how it works.
Maldrake: Okay. It seems like you’re trying to trick me into wasting my actions.
DM: Unable to get by Maldrake, whose body is effectively shielded by his ally, the earth elemental steps forward, practically gliding across the floor rather than walking, and begins to slam at Raven, wielding its two fists like great bludgeons. However, Raven’s armor is enough to ward off one of the blows!

Thalynmar: They were able to get through the fire and flames.
DM: They’ll carry on.
Eben: Knowledge(arcana). (rolling) Fuck.

The DM puts away the Wii guitar controller he’d dug up to answer Eben’s questions, while Lualyrr drops Shatter. Eben seeks knowledge on the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of elementals!

DM: What’d you roll?
Eben: 22.
DM: Why did you yell ‘fuck’ then?
Eben: ‘Cuz I seem to remember that every time we rolled 20-ish on these Knowledge rolls they haven’t given us anything useful.
DM: Maybe in 3rd edition.
Eben: But if that says, like, 37…

The DM relates the weaknesses and resistances, leading the group to refine their tactics. Earth elementals take extra thunder damage, to the delight of Lualyrr and her Shatter. Thalynmar goes hog-wild with his three attacks.

DM: Let me put it this way, if you don’t roll a 1, you hit the fire elemental.
Thalynmar: That is 12 damage for the last hit.
DM: These guys are way below your level in terms of power. They are fodder and food.
Thalynmar: It’s meat on legs!
Maldrake: Since I’m in this thing anyway, I might as well chill out.
Thalynmar: ‘I actually find I like it,’ he says through gritted teeth.

Eben unleashes a Shatter in turn. Raven… apparently puts whipped cream on the fire elemental, while Maldrake takes 2 points of damage from being on fire.

Raven: ‘I’m on fire! Slightly!’

Everyone shouts the names of Raven’s different characters to get his attention; Raven gets very confused that he keeps hearing different character names.

DM: Your sword glances off the rocky plates of the earth elemental’s exterior, striking sparks into the air, but dealing no damage.
Maldrake: The sparks light the elemental on double fire. At first he is worried, but his concern leaves him as his Int finally catches up.
Thalynmar: Durr.
DM: That’s optimistic. The fire elemental’s Int is 6.

Maldrake takes more fire damage to the face, and Raven gets punched a little. Lualuyrr tosses another Shatter into the midst, while Thalynmar goes to town with his glaive.

Thalynmar: Mm. Does 15 hit the fire elemental?
DM: Yes. I literally meant you cannot miss unless you roll a 1. His AC is 13.
Thalynmar: So, first hit is 13, crit the second for 34—
DM: And that is enough to take down the fire elemental. The blaze flickers out like a candle abruptly deprived of oxygen.
Maldrake: Someone use the decanter on me. Put me out.
Thalynmar: That’s a shame, it means my third hit will glance off the earth.
DM: Ooh, rolled low.
Thalynmar: Yeah, a 3.
DM: Unprepared for the fire elemental to vanish so swiftly, you leverage your blow around, but the earth elemental is unharmed.

Maldrake spends his action extinguishing himself. In a dignified action. Eben is up next.

DM: Eben still has mighty, awesome arcane energies to unleash from the babbling black depths of the void from which is master hails!
Thalynmar: Magic Missile!
DM: No, Eldritch Blast.
Eben: Yes.
Thalynmar: To make a mockery of you, he casts Magic Missile!

Eben blasts the elemental back into a corner, knocking it through a table and chairs as he does. While Raven attacks, Maldrake welcomes others to the Space Jam in a alarmingly flat monotone. Raven and the elemental exchange blows, with the former taking a pair of hits for 27.

Raven: Yowch. I’m getting the crap kicked out of me.
Thalynmar: In fact, there it is on the floor.
DM: The earth elemental moves with purpose across the floor, moving to smash Maldrake, but Raven, rising up from the ground, manages to smash its first plunging first aside. The plunging fist… really gets knocked aside! (reaching for a critical fumble card)
Raven: Oh boy.
DM: It can’t be sickened! I’ll give you a new one. You smash its fist aside and it impacts its own face! (rolling, then cursing) God damn! Now I roll double 8s on 2d8, fucking shit!
Raven: Man, that really smacked its head around.
Maldrake: But I think it’s resistant to its own damage.

The DM reminds them they have inspiration, because no one ever remembers. Thalynmar slays the first earth elemental with what the DM insists are feeble blows, while Lualyrr fires yet another Shatter into the sole remaining elemental. Lualyrr complains about not having a magic weapon, at which Maldrake remembers that he has a Mace of Terror racked in his inventory somewhere.

Maldrake: It’s all yours.
DM: You toss it to her, roll your attack.
Thalynmar: He tosses it, not THROWS IT AT HER.
DM: If there’s one thing I know about Maldrake, he doesn’t know the difference.

Maldrake is compared to a game house cat who knows no subtlety, while Eben conspires to knock the elemental back just as Maldrake hits it. The two of them splatter the elemental against the opposite wall.

Eben: “Impressive blow, Maldrake. I hadn’t realized your strength had increased with such… veracity!”
Maldrake: “Listen, sir, I saw you do this many times before, and I’m very sure I didn’t do it. I appreciate the enthusiasm for aiding me…”
Eben: “Do what?”

With the elementals ended, the group begins investigating the hell out of a lockbox, while Maldrake and Raven form the shield wall and look down the hallway in front of them to little avail. Thalynmar: Kinda wish we had Krixxix – wait a minute, what am I talking about? No I don’t.

They clamber slowly up the stairs to follow the blood trail, taking great care as they reach a door to their side.

DM: The steps descend to a walkway that seems to stretch across infinite space. Ahead of you, thousands of stars twinkle in unfamiliar constellations. Meteors streak through vastness above and below the path.
Thalynmar: Huh. It’s the ‘beyond’ section of Bed, Bath, and Beyond!
DM: Just past the base of the stairs, a door framed by nothingness rises from the base of the path. 50 feet beyond that, the path reaches an intersection with another door straight again.
Maldrake: You face Malchazzar alone!

The blood trail is no longer perceptible, so to the tune of plenty of Atari sound effects, Maldrake listens at the door. Hearing nothing, he moves forward onto the path in the depths of space. The group spends a while questioning their perceptions and the nature of reality, but it all seems reasonably safe and Euclidean, so they open the door to the side on the theory that their contact may have ducked in here. The DM draws out the circular room, complaining about a lack of a compass. A Pac-Man comment angers to the DM to the point of threatening to ban phones. Peering into the room, they see a larged curved workroom, loaded down with books and tomes!

Thalynmar: I rip the ladder from the rails.
Raven: I’m going to look at the map.
Maldrake: I’m gonna move on ahead a bit to scout out.
DM: All right, Raven steps into the room,
Maldrake: Oh god.
Thalynmar: Kaboom!
DM: And advances forward.
Maldrake: I’m gonna keep a close eye on you, buddy. Keep your eyes peeled.
Thalynmar: Contain the blast, close the door!

The DM calls for a d20 roll; the group realizes in horror they failed to check for rugs, and they failed to recover Krixxix’s loot. Raven checks the map and has to make an Arcana check, which makes him the worst of all possible people to look.

DM: The map has a weird geometry, and you’re not sure what it’s about, there’s a couple labels on it that says something about brass, you don’t get it.
Maldrake: If you can’t read it, just bring it out.
Raven: I think we need someone who knows a lot more about spells to read this thing.
Maldrake: Eben! Check out the map!
Eben: I float into the room.
Maldrake: Friend, keep an eye on me as I walk down the hallway. Give a yell if I disappear.

A detect magic tells them that the map is enchanted, and a faint ambient magic surrounds them. Eben takes his turn at an Arcana check and determines the map to be one of the Elemental Plane of Fire.

Thalynmar: Are we really robbing this guy?
Maldrake: You’re right, we should leave it.
Thalynmar: I did take the lockbox.
Raven: I don’t want to tangle with the Plane of Fire with a fire weapon right now…
DM: ‘He’s on our side,’ they say. ‘Welcome, friend!’
Raven: What?
DM: They welcome you as a brother. And treat you to a lava bath. Which you’re obviously in favor of.
Raven: It’ll be wonderful as I boil alive.

They abandon the room and head into the hallway once more – and the DM promptly calls for DC10 Dex checks. Lualyrr wandered off a long, long time ago, so they assume she passes.

DM: A swarm of meteors shoots out of the depths of space. Tiny, but nonetheless dangerous for their size. Thalynmar hits the ground, and Maldrake and Raven throw up their shields, but one of the meteors catches Eben in the robes!
Maldrake: My dick! My dick!
Eben: It slams directly into your chest. You take ten bludgeoning damage and are swept off the walkway!

Despite his levitation, Even spins off into the infinite space beyond. The others see him vanish, but Eben falls onto a floor in a workroom, mostly empty save for a desk and writing implements. The group argues about what to do – jump after him? Shut down the magi somehow? Eben, meanwhile, explores the room, opens a door, and finds – the back of a bookcase, which he eventually and with some consideration finally swivels open to find himself in a room where he already is, then becomes a space baby. Some audio is lost, in which Eben saunters through the library and comes up on his arguing group from behind.

Eben: I’ll wait for them to decide what to do.
Lualyrr: ‘I’m gonna cast Fly and go after him!’
DM: Raven already came down against that.
Maldrake: “He could fly and it didn’t help him at all! You could be lost too!”
Lualyrr: But this is flying, not levitation.”
DM: They all stand in shock, having lost one of their own.
Maldrake: “We can’t stay here too long.”
Eben: “Do not grieve.”
Thalynmar: (incredibly melodramatic gasp)
Maldrake: “Can you hear us?! Where are you?”
Raven: “Are you alive?”
Maldrake: “Don’t go into the light!”
Eben: “Technically no.”
Thalynmar: I’ll throw my arms around the guy and squeeze the life out of him.
DM: Gonna be squeezing for a while, he ain’t got much.
Thalynmar: “Ah lad, yuir alive, ah ha ha ha!”
Eben: Gaseous form!
Maldrake: “Good. Let’s move on. Back in formation.”
DM: Maldrake has no time for this.
Maldrake: I gave my speech.

Ice cream cake slows the game to a crawl, because of course it does. They follow the path to a door and a T intersection, which they elect to follow left.

DM: As you step into the corridor, you hear a voice call out from the farther side. “Hello there!”
Maldrake: “Yes?”
Raven: I’m gonna get to Maldrake’s side.
Thalynmar: Inseparable!
DM: “You looking for the fellow with the mask?”
Lualuyrr: “Isn’t everyone?”
DM: “Well, you’re the only ones I’ve seen. I’ve some information. You might find it valuable, if I might have a moment of your time.”
Eben: “What do you ask in return?”
DM: “It’s something of advantage to both of us. But please come this way. You’re perfectly safe.”
Thalynmar: (Open snickering)
Eben: It’s a circle! Of safety!
DM: “You can laugh if you want, but the truth is, Xonthal prevented me from doing any harm to anybody down here even if I wanted to. There’s not a thing I can do to you.”
Maldrake: I proceed slowly.
Raven: “Does he have a spell over you?”
DM: (an extremely long pause) “..Yes.”

Everyone gets a cheap laugh out of this, even as the DM protests that he’s reading the adventure. They envision the NPC as the Beer Baron, shouting back at them from a hidden spot. Heading down the corridor, they find themselves looking into a room with comfortable furniture and an ominous figure!

DM: The figure in the center of the room is red-skinned and wearing armor of flame, bronze, and volcanic stone. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, studying a chess board, though as you finally step into view he looks up and bestows a warm smile upon you all.
Lualyrr: Ifrit?
Eben: We have to play him.
Thalynmar: Demon or devil?
Maldrake: “What plane do you hail from?”
DM: “Neither, thank you.”
Thalynmar: “Coulda fooled me!”
DM: “I’m an ifrit from the plane of Fire.”
Thalynmar: “Aahhhhhh, I don’t know what that is.”
DM: “Xonthal summoned me here to play chess with him. Promised he’d release me if I ever won a game.”
Thalynmar: “And how long has that been?”
DM: “I have no way of knowing. You’ll note there’s no way to tell the passing of time down here.”
Eben: “So he comes here whenever the mood strikes him?”
Maldrake: “Has it been a while since you played him?”
DM: “Ho ho ho, yes. As I said, I can’t guess the time, but if I was inclined to think, I’d say it’s been at least a century since I’ve seen him.”
Eben: “How is it we may help?”
DM: “You’re looking for the fellow with the mask. I saw him. He fell off the edge.”
Raven: “The edge of what?”
DM: “..the walkway. That you passed though? Infinite space?”
Maldrake: “Does the walkway fall off go into different rooms? Our friend here fell off, but he did not see him.”
DM: “Some places you’re lucky, you fall into a room. Other places, you tumble forever. If you haven’t seen him, likely he’s still falling.”
Maldrake: “Is there anything we can do about it? Is there a source of magic for this room?”
DM: “Well, there is one way to get him back. You recall I said there would be a deal of interest for both of us?”
Thalynmar: “Don’t you do with wishes or something?”
DM: “But I can’t cast them so long as I’m imprisoned here.”
Thalynmar: “Ah, I see, so y’want us to play ya in chess and have ya win?”
DM: “You could simply let me go…”
Thalynmar: “But we didn’t summon ya here, it doesn’t make sense.”
DM: “I am imprisoned here.”
Raven: “I am curious, what happens if you lose a chess game?”
DM: “….I remain here. The – the – the chess has nothing to do with my imprisonment except Xonthal is a capricious man who thought that would be funny.”
Lualyrr: “So there’s no possible way that if we release you, you’re just going to take your anger out on us because you’ve been imprisoned for so long.”
DM: “Why would I do that?”
Lualyrr: “Why not?”
Thalynmar: Out of character, because you’re a genie, and they’re all assholes! Especially the fire one. In-character… “Aw, he’s right, let’s set him free!”
DM: ‘Get in the portal!’
Maldrake: “How do we set you free?”
DM: “To speak first, I vow I will not attack you out of anger should I be freed. On this, you have the word of flame and fire and bronze and brass.”

They start rolling skills like crazy, and get the impression he is being ‘truthful’ – in that he’ll attack them, just not out of anger and he’s making up that vow. Maldrake contemplates banishing him, but they still wonder if they have to take the deal. They get into an argument over whether the cultist with the mask could be in another room, with the ifrit insisting they have been through the rooms where the bridge can eject.

DM: “Since you seem to suspect me, you are welcome to look around and make certain that he’s nowhere within.”
Thalynmar: “All right, let’s just go through these other doors, then!”
Eben: He attacks you! Not out of anger, but frustration!
Maldrake: You open the door?
Thalynmar: Yeah!
DM: Congratulations, you found the storage room. Have fun with your material components there, Thalynmar!
Maldrake: He’s so salty, I don’t know why…

Somehow, they find a Vault. Thalynmar heads further down the hall, and then suddenly the ifrit lunges to his feet and tries to seize one of those in the room. Initiative is called for!

Thalynmar: “I knew that bastard was up to no good!”
Lualyrr: Time to go back…
Maldrake: “I suggest you look in the room! Whatever you did really pissed him off!”

Thalynmar yells at a cat. The DM calls for grapple rolls, and the ifrit heaves the two warriors back further into the room.

DM: You step forth and the ifrit calls out, “The line of salt on the ground! Break it or I’ll burn their souls to dust!”
Maldrake: Line of – where’s this – didn’t he drag us through it? Oh, no, I guess we stepped over it.
DM: Yes. Whatever he’s talking about, you have no idea.
Lualyrr: “What are you talking about?”
DM: “Use those eyes!”
Lualyrr: “Thalynmar!”
Thalynmar: “What?!”
Lualyrr: “GET BACK HERE!”

Lualyrr makes an Investigation check and finds a line of salt worked into the masonry. Thalynmar bursts into the final room, finding giant damaged hourglasses and the body of the cultist who had called to them, clutching the dragon mask even in death. Thalynmar moves to secure the mask, and spits on the cultist’s body according to the DM. Maldrake promptly banishes the ifrit.

DM: You gave him exactly what he wanted, which was to get back to his home plane. He is so pleased this worked out for him. This surely will have no repercussions in the future.
Thalynmar: Well, he got what he wanted. And we got what we wanted.
DM: And you have the blas—heh, blask. The mask.
Thalynmar: IIIII HAAAAVAE THE BLASK!

They search the ifrit’s stuff, but amazingly, a prisoner was not loaded down with wealth and valuables. The group congratulates themselves on a job well done.

Thalynmar: That’s mission done, right? Don’t we have teleportation scrolls now or something?
DM: Are you willing to try them in the weirdass extradimensional space?
Thalynmar: Ahh for fuck’s sake. All right, let’s make our way to the exit.

They head back to the teleporter and its many symbols – and abruptly realize they don’t know which one gets them out. Raven establishes, just to be clear, that they had in fact met up with Eben way back when. They hit the chair button and appear on the ground floor where they had initially appeared, and congratulate themselves before they realize this isn’t how they get out. They end up in a balcony, then in a closed chamber, and then back outside by the sundial at last to their immense relief.

Maldrake: “Let’s make our way to the exit. Remember. Downtrodden, not excited, very sad…”
DM: The moment you step off the circle, you hear the terrible sound of villagers screaming, the roaring of some great beast, and lightning bolts crackling through the air.
Lualyrr: Aww, it’s a fucking blue dragon.
DM: As houses burst under their onslaught.
Thalynmar: “Let’s go save the day.”
Raven: “That’s a problem!”
Lualyrr: “Who sees a problem gets it.”
DM: As soon as you reach the edge of the garden, you see a blue dragon sweeping over the village. The villagers scattering left and right, trying to avoid its gaze.
Thalynmar: Gaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyze.
Maldrake: I call out. “Ho! Dragon! We have two heads! We could use three for the set!”
Thalynmar: “We don’t have a blue one yet!” We could make our own mockery of Tiamat.
Maldrake: “Yeah, the other dragons talked about you a lot! They said you were a punk!” I don’t know if he can hear me, but I’m going to keep yelling at him. Maybe his dragon ears will kick in.
DM: The dragon performs a wingover to look at you from up there.
Maldrake: Spread out, spread out, spread out!
DM: “The mask, fools! The mask is what I’ve come for! Give it to me and I’ll leave these crawling ants with their miserable lives! The Queen is returning! Who are you to stop her?! GIVE ME THE MASK!”

The group all dives for their dice to lie furiously about not having the mask; the DM points out that they’d fought a mage in the tower and likely the dragon has heard a thing or two magically. Naturally they refuse to surrender the mask, and so initiative ensues. The dragon wings around annoyingly, a hundred feet in the sky, and the group abruptly realizes that this is a problem. Lualyrr, first to act, taunts the dragon.

DM: You call out to it, and the dragon almost seems to pause in midair. A faint expression coming over its face you can’t quite recognize.
Lualyrr: He’s probably sneering at me.
DM: “YOU AGAIN!?” And drops down and sweeps slightly forward, and from its mouth, just as it passes above Lualyrr, a bolt of lightning cracks out, aimed directly at her.
Lualyrr: Does he come within range?
DM: What’s ‘range’?
Lualyrr: Like within 60 feet of me?
DM: Nope, he’s 90 feet away.

Lualyrr eats the full lightning blast, while Maldrake whips out the oath bow he’s had lurking around for a while and swears vengeance upon the dragon with its power, firing off some shots. Lualyrr plinks it as well, which seems to infuriate the dragon immensely, then Raven whips out his own hand crossbow.

Maldrake: Thalynmar, you need to call upon your Exalted character. Throw yourself up there.

Ridiculous dual-wielding crossbow stunts are discussed. The game grinds on a bit as the group sinks into the hitherto-untouched morass of ranged combat rules with crossbows in 5E.

Thalynmar: Huh. 20. From my back… (miming blowing) Billows dust off my light crossbow!

Thalynmar angrily cancels his disadvantage with inspiration to keep his crit. Lualyrr critically fails, for the first time EVER! She exhausts herself by throwing out her back. The dragon targets Eben, who appears to be their most effective ranged fighter, and deals 74 damage. Thalynmar is feared, but Maldrake is close enough to quell the fear within him. Lualyrr cracks out the countercharm, while the DM starts testing his dice for luck.

Maldrake: If you’re going to do that, just give it to him!
DM: (muttering) You’re disqualified. You disqualified yourself… Unable to regain his breath weapon, the dragon puts on additional height, to keep himself out of range of your melee weapons.
Thalynmar: He already was out of range of our melee weapons.
Maldrake: What was he expecting us to do?!
DM: Leave me alone.
Maldrake: How many Enlarge Persons would we need to hit him?!

Maldrake begs Raven to trip the dragon in midair with his battlemaster techniques, but only does a tiny little amount of damage and fails the trip. A rules argument erupts because no one knows how their class works. They exchange some fire at the dragon before it lightning-bolts Maldrake. The paladin spends his inspiration for the save, taking only half damage.

Maldrake: Drawing on the electricity! Returning it – uselessly! By hitting him with an arrow! Hopefully.
Raven: Return to sender!
Thalynmar: Don’t roll it on the silverware…

Maldrake lands a crit. Eben vigorously attempts to suicide, convinced the module wants them all dead. Raven debates battlemaster maneuvers.

Raven: Why the hell not? Menacing Attack!
Maldrake and Eben: Menacing Attack!?
Eben: Now that he’s combined, he is Menasor!
Thalynmar: Use Make Him Ground Himself Attack.

The players envision various scenarios in which someone appears to take the mask from them when their resources are depleted. Eben gets healed and furiously attempts to die anyway, irritating the DM, as the dragon hits its retreat threshold and takes off for greener skies.

Maldrake: How much damage did I do altogether?
DM: I didn’t keep track of your individual dragon.
Maldrake: How much damage did the group deal to him altogether?
DM: 246.

Maldrake, thanks to being a Paladin of Vengeance as well as using the Oathbow, feels absolutely terrible for failing to land the kill. Eben channels Krixxix.

Eben: I’d like to go into all their houses and loot their valuables.
Maldrake: Just because you’re sitting there….
Eben: And if anybody sees me, I’ll kill them if they say they’re going to talk.
Maldrake: Just because Krixxix isn’t here doesn’t mean we need a Krixxix!
DM: (Sulesdag voice) ‘Well hello, Eben. What brings you to my hometown?’
Raven: We need a place to camp, because we kind of blew a lot.
Eben: Actually, I’m going to disguise myself first and THEN go into all of these houses and steal everything valuable.
DM: Stop trying to get your shoulders crushed.
Maldrake: I proceed to use the scroll however we use it.
DM: Only Eben can use the scroll.
Eben: Eben’s not doing anything.
DM: Eben sits on the ground and pouts because he’s still alive.
Eben: And I’m going to interrogate any of the remaining townsfolk as to how we can find that dragon.
DM: ‘I don’t know—‘ ‘I kill him! Can I kill him? He’s saying things I don’t like!’
Eben: A 58 on my roll to do this without any of the others noticing!
Maldrake: Are we teleported back yet? I don’t like this Eben…
Eben: I’m being possessed. I died, don’t you see? I’m being possessed by Krixxix in his cell!
Thalynmar: Apparently he got hung already.

They zip back to Waterdeep, meeting up with a huge honor guard. Somehow this does not reassure them.

Maldrake: We didn’t check. Are we sure we’re here? We weren’t intercepted by the mimic city—
Thalynmar: We just don’t notice, this is all cardboard and shit…
DM: You see a guy leaning up against it, above him the building starts to tilt…
Maldrake: All the guards are cardboard cutouts. “Some good guards here, guys.”
Thalynmar: My passive Wisdom would not work too well for me in this one…
DM: Maybe they should’ve gotten a COMPETENT illusionist. ‘Ah work for the Cult!’ Everybody’s got on a cowboy hat in Waterdeep for some reason.

To their dismay, the mask proves to be a fake – dismay and bafflement, because the dragon had been chasing them down for the mask, so why would it do it for the fake?

Lualyrr: Wait wait wait wait wait, LOCKBOX!

Excited, they pop open the lockbox with Thalynmar’s crowbar – and they all promptly have to make a Wisdom saving throw as the trap goes off. Somehow they all roll nicely, and no one is affected by the Slow spell.

Thalynmar: ‘Iiiiiii’m Loooooooooord Neeeeevereeeeeeember…’
Eben: We all become Sulesdag.
DM: He did in fact roll a natural 1 on his saving throw…
Maldrake: Is he at least trying to play it off?
DM: Inside the lockbox are scrolls. Magic scrolls.
Thalynmar: “Ach. We were hopin’ for a mask. Get these outta here—“
Maldrake: No – god! Please let us see the scrolls.
DM: Two scrolls of protection against fire elementals and one scroll of protection against earth elementals.

Dead silence, eventually broken by the DM’s paralytic laughter.

Maldrake: That is just like the coupons at the fucking store! I will pick up six pints of ice cream. Save three dollars on ice cream! Fuck you! Useless!
DM: Your expression… was priceless…
Thalynmar: Like all the soul left his eyes.
Maldrake: Yep! Tear them up!

Lord Neverember silently shames Thalynmar, gives everyone a meaningful glance, and heads for one of the side rooms. Taking the hint, they move to follow him – levelling up as they go, for the session has ended!