Zarshaan: Butts butts.
DM: Oh thanks so much, Zarshaan.

Star Wars music plays! The group is in paralytics.

Bremen: That’s what she says between the LucasFilm logo and the actual title. ‘Butts butts butts.’ And the whole theater goes, ‘ha ha ha’! They have that memory of seeing a Star Wars movie till the day they die. ‘I remember before Rogue One, someone just said ‘butts butts butts’.’
Zarshaan: You know that’s what’ll happen when we go see Rogue One.

The DM refreshes them: they had gone to the Wendrick system and thence to the black market there, finding themselves surrounded by the slave trade. The DM hammers in the opening-crawl-like text, reminding them their goal is here, but also the dread MALEFAX…

Bremen: How could this happen?
Zareq: How can this be?

Star Wars end music plays! The game is over.

…aaanyway, the DM busies himself trying to get Kon stuck holding a pencil bucket forever, which ends with Kon cramming pencils down the DM’s throat. Smugglers and traders and box merchants hawk their wares to the PCs, as they recall Kon’s vision of a child slave. Kon once again labels Bing-Bong as ‘Boop-Beep’. They try to shake down the droid proprietor for his children, but said proprietor had wandered off a bit ago. The DM rolls against Zareq’s Perception.

Zareq: There goes the DM’s awesome rolling again.
DM: No no, it all evens out except for the advantage. As you’re standing there, one of the people who is coming up from behind you bumps into you. You move to the side slightly out of reflex and they move on past.
Zarshaan: Better make sure we didn’t get something ripped off of us.
Bremen: Your lightsaber is gone.
DM: It occurs to you a moment too late that that was an attempt to pickpocket you, and you quickly check your belongings, finding them all there. Apparently they didn’t have the chance.
Zareq: Yay, I’m too fast. Oh, good thing too, I had a lot credits…

Bremen longs for a zombie apocalypse. Target is starting to carry board games! The PCs are pretty unsure of what to do, as if that wasn’t clear – Kon’s vision hadn’t been entirely clear, after all, though the DM does indicate he might know the child he seeks when he sees them.

DM: In the back, a metallic synthesized bong rings out.
Bremen: Test – your might!
DM: You notice some of the crowd begins to drift to one side where the noise came from.
Kon: It’s TIME for the SLAAAAVE FIIIIIIGGHT!
DM: The crack of a whip sounds out over their heads.
Bremen: Slave auction?
Kon: Oh there we go. Keep an eye out.
Zareq: Maybe we’ll get a good deal on a slave.
Kon: Our robot needs a friend.
DM: It is indeed, as you have surmised, a slave auction. Several slaves standing up there, chained ended to end. Various races. You see a couple of Zab’rak, mostly humans… Presiding over the auction is a Hutt, who stands behind a podium and bangs his gavel vigorously.
Kon: Stands?
Zareq: I’ve seen fatter Hutts.
DM: Yes, you have seen fatter Hutts. This is probably a young Hutt.
Kon: What does a Hutt standing look like?
DM: Why don’t you refer to the Special Edition of A New Hope, in which Jabba walks cheerfully alongside Han.
Zareq: He kind of undulates alongside Han.
DM: In any case, the Hutt bangs his gavel, calling the whole proceeding to order.

The bidding begins in earnest, with the DM doing a very bad Hutt voice very poorly. The PCs immediately begin comedically accidentally bidding on every auction. They discover they don’t have translators and attempt to buy Babelfish.

Zareq: Doesn’t my datapad have a translation program or something?
DM: No! That’s not how Star Wars works.
Zareq: Can I download the app?
DM: No.

Kon, who has a heritage from the Outer Rim, knows some Huttese (as he discovers at this moment).

DM: If you’re from the Outer Rim, you have a pretty working of knowledge of Huttese, which is a common lingua franca out there.
Kon: Okay.
DM: How’s THAT for a term? Eh? Eh – no. You guys suck.
Zareq: What was the term?
DM: I said ‘lingua franca’.
Zarshaan: We’re not speaking French.

One man, tall and unnaturally thin and in a top-hat and tails, is dominating the auction. His voice is deep and booming as well.

Bremen: It’s Sulesdag.
Zareq: Space-Sulesdag.
Bremen: He’s a Sulesdagian.
DM: I’ll go down this route, don’t make me. NO he’s not Sulesdag. There’s a cluster of people standing behind him, looking very ‘innocuous’ in long coats and wide-brimmed hats. They’re tall broad forms with hands in their pockets and no one dares get close to them. Whenever anyone bids against him, they all shoot a glare in that direction. More often than not, the person who bids doesn’t bit again. People are afraid to go near him.
Zareq: He’s not our target. Move along.
DM: Up to the block comes a Twi’lek female.
Kon: Is she serving drinks?
DM: --not as a slave, no. I said up to the block.
Kon: Oh. We could use some entertainment on the ship?
Zareq: Twi’lek… are they anything other than love slaves, seriously?
DM: Well you have to suspect in this case, probably not. And indeed the Hutt is upselling her virtues in… terms that could not be taken any other way.

Kon refuses to translate, though the term ‘succulent’ comes up. It gets weird. The tall man bids with evident hunger. The bidding begins at 350, and the PCs abruptly realize they could get in on this action. Kon attempts to Foresee.

Bremen: ‘Is she important?’
Zareq: ‘Is she worth it?’
Kon: No!

The Force is not with Kon – he can’t even tap the Dark Side because the group rolled all Dark Side on their Destiny Pool. All he can sense is pain and suffering.

Kon: “The Dark Side clouds this area—“ I whisper. “THE DARK SIDE CLOUDS THIS AREA!”
Zareq: “That’s 450 to the gentleman with the loud voice.’
DM: The bidding continues, having gone up to 475. The tall man immediately bids 500. The girl continues to try to back away while she’s standing there, while the chains that hold her to her fellow slaves don’t let her go that far.
Kon: Be honest with us. She a 10? She’s an 8, right?
DM: Well, it’s hard to tell, she’s seen better days.
Kon: 7. It’s a 7 up there.
Zareq: Well, she is a Twi’lek, they’re pretty good-looking.
Kon: 7 on a Twi’lek table is a 10 on the human table.
Bremen: Have you ever seen a Twi’lek depicted as anything but… sort of hot but not human?
Kon: Look, for the longest time I thought Hutts were just fat Twi’leks.

Everyone gets a really good laugh out of this. As they should. The bidding is stalled at 500, though the girl is begging the audience with her eyes to save her from the lascivious man.

Zareq: We start a bidding war amongst ourselves.
Bremen: Let’s see how bad he wants her.
Zareq: I raise my hand up.
DM: (Huttese)
Zareq: “The fuck he just say?”
Kon: I’ll translate for him…
DM: ‘525 to the obvious Jedi, 525.’
Zareq: Why am I holding my lightsaber?
DM: And a sign in your other hand, your bidding flag says ‘Jedi’ on it.

The bodyguards glare at Zareq and roll Coercion against his Cool. As usual, everyone giggles at the skill ‘Cool’. The other PCs question if they can get involved.

DM: They’re glaring at him as the biddor.
Bremen: Hee, it’s a He-Man bad guy. The evil auctioneer, Bid-Or.

The DM rolls a success… and Despair. Zareq is intimidated, and one of them promptly farts audibly and noisily. Their employer gets distracted and the auctioneer almost counts him out of the bidding, leading him to only bid slightly higher. Zareq bids 575!

Kon: I will bid two space-horses. TWO space-horses.
Zareq: And an astromech droid. He’s awesome.
Bremen: And he’s also an Imperial spy.
Zareq: We need to offload him, quick.
DM: I love this theory that you guys have for Bing-Bong. All I’ve ever done is have him go around going ‘Bing bong bing bong’ and you’ve constructed all this crap around him!

The bidding goes to 700, and Kon attempts to start a round of gasping shock but only gets funny look.

Bremen: Now he’ll go up to 1000. Or get really pissed, let you have it, and then jump us later.
Zareq: (sadly) That’s coming from my armor fund.
Bremen: I’ll stop being meta now.
Kon: ‘Thank you for saving me!’ ‘I’m sorry. I have to make armor out of you.’

Bremen tries to intimidate THEM! He’s up one success and two advantage. Bremen acknowledges he’s having real anger issues at the moment.

DM: You take half a step forward and fix them with the steely-eyed glare of a MURDERER!
Bremen: (with an indignant expression that makes everyone laugh) He hasn’t murdered anyone! He hasn’t rolled well enough to murder anyone.
DM: Murderer! He’s a murderer from Ghoere.
Kon: The planet Ghoere.
Bremen: Space-Ghoere. With Space-what’s her name.
DM: Space-Tael.
Kon: Space-Mahlissa.
Bremen: And Space-Blade-Mage.
Kon: Space-Gorgon?!
DM: Lightsaber Mage. Has a cloak made out of lightsabers.
Bremen: Grievous sits to the side, so jealous.
Kon: He has to gently move around, can’t go too fast.
DM: He has to walk like this so they don’t touch his feet… (walking while leaning waaay back)
Zareq: Deep furrow in the ground where he’s walking. Or he keeps them all off… but he can’t sneeze.

The guards talk to their employer, and they all stalk off without further bidding. The PCs pool their credits to pay for their new slave.

Zareq: We ARE planning to release this woman, right?
DM: WHAT?!
Bremen: She might be able to tell us what other slaves there are here…
Zareq: Get a little more inside info?
Bremen: Meaning yes we’re going to let her go… Not just like, they hand her over to us and we just tell her get out of here.
DM: You declare her free in the middle of the crowd of slavers and slave owners.
Bremen: You could just go to straight to the Dark Side if you want to, because you’ve got her on a chain and everything. She could be dancing on our ship…
Zareq: At least I’m better looking than the other guy. At least I hope I was.

The PCs plan to purchase an entire band and then turn Bing-Bong into a keyboard. Their ship only holds four but who’s counting?

DM: Up next, this fine Bardrek from the planet Bard. Also comes with his companion, one of the Organ people from Organ.
Zareq: ‘I’ll pay you to put them back!’
DM: Watch them have sex in front of you. (mimes playing an organ)
Zareq: ‘…we gotta go.’
Kon: I don’t know what’s happening, but this needs to stop.
DM: The next slave is brought up to the block.
Zareq: I’m not buying all these people.
DM: It’s a small innocent child of barely three!
Zareq: GOD DAMN IT. You just hear that in the back…
DM: ‘Look sir, you belong in our do-gooder section, right over there.’ They show you to a roped-off area with a bunch of heroic looking guys…
Zareq: ‘Ha hya! We’re broke!’
Bremen: The next one is really a child?
DM: No.
Zareq: Thank Christ.
DM: Well, it depends on how you define child –
Zareq: ANYWAY –
DM: About 13?
Bremen: Local?
DM: Oh no, no. This is a Zab’rak.

A pause, and then the DM giggles at Bremen’s expression. Zareq refuses to go in debt to a Hutt to buy everyone, even as the DM waves Edge of Empire at him to remind him they have rules for this. The DM shamelessly baits Bremen with the auction, though Kon tries to Foresee once more but refuses to use the Dark Side point he keeps rolling. Zareq attempts to pick up his chick. A brief conversation with a droid guard occurs as he figures out how to do that. They could get her delivered!

Kon: We might as well pick it up. (pausing) Why am I talking like that – we might as well pick HER up.
DM: THANK you! I was so close to giving you Conflict!
Kon: I’ve already – we have to leave here now. I feel like I’m being infected by these people.

The DM rolls some dice for unstated purposes and promptly comes up with a fantastic success and Triumph. Zareq bemoans the loss of his wallet.

DM: Up on the block, as the bidding has concluded for the Zabrek boy and they begin to haul him off, he tries to make a break for it. He lunges for the Hutt auctioneer. The chains bring him up short, but he manages to break one of them at a weak link, just by pure luck it seems. Landing on the Hutt.
Bremen: Choke him!
Zareq: Huh.
DM: He sinks his teeth into the Hutt’s throat.
Zareq: Oh, shouldn’t have done that. Not gonna get that taste out of your mouth.

Chaos erupts as the guards advance on the boy and others push the crowd away. The PCs hurriedly question if they should interfere, but elect not to. The boy is clubbed with the shock batons far past the necessity of subdual. Zareq tries to interfere with Move, but doesn’t have the range to do it. The PCs watch carefully, hoping to see someone banging on a counter looking for his hunter like Homer Simpson demanding a burrito. With order restored, the auctioneers resume.

DM: Strangely, the next one up on the block is a human woman that looks to be in her late 30s, early 40s.
Zarshaan: Hi…
DM: That isn’t Zarshaan. The Hutt auctioneer explains that she’s a prisoner of battle. The virtues he extolls are that she is…

Zareq uses a stud finder. Right next to the game mic. He is scolded for this and apologizes, which was nice.

DM: The auctioneer says that she may not be much physically—
Kon: But she’s got a lot of EXPERIENCE.
Zareq: Wink wink nudge nudge?
Kon: At cooking and cleaning. Y’all dirty motherfuckers.
DM: Skilled on a starship. Astrogation, navigation, piloting! Why you’d be a fool to turn her down.
Zareq: …Are we actually going to sit here and buy slaves?
DM: She stares out at the crowd at the crowd with a proud look on her face, but it’s clear at the edges she’s feeling a little brittle. And the bidding begins… woefully low. 125.
Kon: (wearily) ‘150.’
DM: You click Buy It Now…

Zareq gets an auction app but accidentally puts a stack of 99 slaves on the block. Bidding goes to 200, then wakabura. The PCs are furious that someone bid wakabura! While they rage, it goes up to 400.

Bremen: There’s three people trying to get this woman.
DM: (sputtering) No, I only have three random auction house voices, don’t worry about it too much.
Kon: (finding this hilarious)

They wait out the bidding war and demand her stat sheet. Kon puts in a bid at 625, while Zareq notes that chances are she won’t come with them if they win and free her.

DM: The other option is not freeing her.
Zareq: We’re not ASSHOLES.
DM: Come on, you could probably heal that Conflict hit in a couple of sessions…
Zareq: Don’t be so meta.
Bremen: She’ll want us to take her somewhere. And we’ll be like, hey, we’ll take you there, but on the way how ‘bout you teach one of us to fly our own fucking ship? And we can roleplay that…
Zareq: Okay. Let’s bid on her.
Kon: It’s too late to say no, I’ve already done it! He’s over here having a conflict of interest and I’m like, ‘We went and picked up everything. What have you been doing for the past hour and a half?’
Zareq: ‘What the heck – hey, my Twi’lek!’

A Wirluckian is still intent on bidding against them, but Zareq taps into his anger to yank on a gold chain he wears. So convinced is he that someone is stealing from him that he misses the chance to bid. They win! And bemoan their lives. Luckily the last one up is a Wirluckian they find no reason to bid on except for the plan to push them out the airlock later.

Zarshaan: We’re supposed to be the good guys!
Kon: You missed our discussion on how we’re gonna get a lot of experience. The DM said if we kill children, we get one experience per child. We’re gonna go straight to the kindergarten planet, start just murdering! We get back to the master, we’re like, ‘we’re ready to fight the Sith Lord.’ He’s like, ‘oh my god!’
DM: ‘You ARE the Sith Lords!’

The argument derails into a weird debate where the DM claims the proton torpedoes that destroyed the Death Star were PCs and intelligent beings awakened by the force. The players are absolutely incensed. But with the auction over, they want to go pick up their slaves!

DM: It’s one of those windows in the back like they used to have in Toys-R-Us when you bought a video game.
Bremen: Oh yeaaaaah! Oh god, yes!

Kon demands that one of the slaves have red hair so he can call her Red. The DM grants this wish, only for the players to universally protest that the Twi’lek should have red tips or red skin or anything. The DM pushes Bremen’s buttons on the Zabrak kid a bit more. The new owner is heading up the ramp, but what can they do?

Zareq: Space-banana!
DM: Why is that a power? Space-pratfall!
Zareq: Space-grease!
DM: I should mention to all of you that you guys can clearly see your comrade staring at this retreating figure, with a look of barely constrained fury on his face.
Zareq: ‘Oh well!’
DM: God damn!
Kon: “If you make this choice, we will back you up, but this may be a fight we are not able to win.”

Bremen chokes down his rage as the slavers bring up their purchases. Kon discovers it’s Reverse Day and inadvertently becomes their slave, while Bremen gets handcuffed to Guile. The human woman stares them down with cold pride and contempt.

Kon: “We’ll talk some more in a bit, so please…”
Zareq: “I don’t like doing this.”
Kon: “I don’t like this any more than you do.”
Bremen: “Play along.”
DM: ‘Play along’, he shouts loudly in the middle of the slavers…
Kon: “Pretend like you hate me. Oh, you’re already doing that.”

The Twi’lek girl is very uncertain, and Zareq elects to try to say something reassuring. The group points out the dice are trouble for this.

Kon: You should roll to save it, you fail, you’re like, ‘Don’t worry, I have a small dick.’
Zareq: ‘But I’m going in dry.’
Kon: Silence falls over the room…

The DM does call for a Charm check, to Zareq’s dismay. Zarshaan helps out with a smile and a Togruta boost, but the DM hits him with three setback dice. He rolls Despair.

Kon: WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Zareq: Sucks, I rolled pretty well…

Zareq manages to reassure the Twi’lek but piss off the woman, who has uncharitably interpreted his solicitousness. The droid tries to get them away.

DM: “Move along. Move along. Move along. Move along. Move along. Move along. Move along.”
Kon: (miming a vicious lightsabering)
DM: ‘Buy my slaves! Buy my slaves!’

Kon murders everyone. Now the PCs find themselves needing to go back to their room and quickly, but the DM calls for Bremen and Zarshaan to make Perception checks. Both of them succeed but with threat – Zarshaan spots a premium request for slaves that suspiciously resemble their group makeup.

Zareq: What are the rates?
DM: In the thousands. If you’d like to go sell yourselves—
Zareq: I’m saying, we’re done with our story, we go sell ourselves and escape, hey, we’ve got money! I like this idea! But it’s so conflicting though.

The group and the DM get in a huge argument over whether it’s a bazaar or a space-bazaar, but Bremen spots Malefax at the same time Malefax spots him! The Devaronian scrambles away deeper into the bazaar, and the group heads for the exit. Kon has a vision of a hand reaching for a cage, and they head for the top level, where a pounding rain smashes down over the planet. They’re instantly drenched, and it’s worse for their slaves.

Zareq: I’ll put my space-jacket around her.
DM: She’s launched into space.
Zareq: Ha ha, victory.

They have a ways to go, and that leaves them wondering if they should have garbed their purchases better. Their options on that score are limited, though.

Kon: What time is it?
DM: It’s about four or the equivalent thereof in the space-afternoon.
Kon: Is there a space-clothing store nearby?
Zareq: Look, let’s – let’s just get to our room.

They hurry on back to the hookah bar slash lodging, confusing their slaves even more, while Kraaax greets them. Desperately cutting that conversation short, they head up their room, with Kraaax offering to get some clothing delivered.

Zareq: Unlock their manacles…
Kon: Let’s talk first before you do that? I don’t know…
Zareq: And then what? ‘You’re free.’
Bremen: The woman speaks common, right?
DM: They both speak Basic, yes.
Bremen: Basic, sorry…
Zareq: Too much D&D.
Kon: “You’re free to go, but we could use a pilot, so.”
Bremen: Heh, so blunt. “What is your name?”
DM: Which one are you addressing?
Bremen: The one that clearly doesn’t like any inch of us, head to toe.
Kon: The human woman. “Your name, please?”

The DM calls for a Charm check, as the entire group notes he’s doing a terrible job of roleplaying charmingness. Destiny Points are flipped and reflipped and Kon comes up with one advantage, which seems to be making headway though isn’t ultimate success. The group is puzzled at her level of Cool.

Kon: “Anyways. I’m Kon Laren. We picked you up because one, we’re going out of the way to help people and throw away money, apparently?”
Bremen: You’re like the Iron Man of Jedi.
Kon: She’s being blunt with me, her eyes are all over, so you know what? Here’s how it is. “We’re a group of fugitives from the Empire. We could use a pilot, but we’re not going to force you into that job, so it’s your choice.”

The DM gives him another Charm check, with an additional boost die. He’d said something very important, apparently! Kon rolls terribly again, but manages to scrape out a success.

DM: She looks down at her free wrist, and lowers her hands to her side. “My name is Sanaya.”
Kon: I’m gonna write that down…
DM: “Tell me. Why are you on the run from the Empire?”
Bremen: (miming tugging his robe aside)
DM: ‘This cancerous growth!’
Bremen: That resembles a lightsaber.
Zareq: (miming parting his short) Quaaaaaaiiidd…

The group is OUT. Come back later when they’re functional again.

DM: She looks at it in puzzlement, clearly not recognizing it.
Bremen: “Do the honors?”
Kon: “We’re part of an ancient lineage of warriors that once set against the Sith.”
Bremen: She’s almost 40, she knows what a Jedi is.
Kon: “We are Jedi.”
Zareq: “Not fully fledged yet, but we’re getting there.”
Bremen: We all have teeny braids hanging from the back of our heads!
Kon: Glad that trend’s gonna die.
DM: “You’re kidding.”
Kon. “Nope.”
Zareq: (miming igniting his lightsaber)
DM: ‘Aaaaah!’
Kon: Not looking where he points it, the Twi’lek is now free of life.
Zareq: Oh well. Conflict up the wazoo for me!
Kon: And five experience. Murder is experience, that’s what RPGs have taught us.
DM: “Let me start over”.”
Kon: ‘You guys are fucking idiots!’ (miming jumping out the window)
DM: “I am Captain Sanaya of the Rebel Alliance.”
Zareq: “…oh. I’m surprised you went for so little as you did, to be honest with you…”
DM: “If they had made that public, most likely I’d have been turned over to the Empire for no profit.”
Bremen: Did you steal the Death Star plans?!
Kon: ‘I have them right here.’
Zareq: Wait a minute! We’re all Bothans! Shit!
Bremen: This is how they all died!

Timeline is established as being ABY but before ESB, with a brief discussion on did anyone know Luke Skywalker could use the Force. The PCs question if they’re being followed.

Bremen: In the rain we’d never have noticed. Or that’s just me being paranoid.
DM: You and your paranoia.
Bremen: Where did I get that from?
DM: I don’t know?

They reassure Sanaya that they’ll take her wherever she needs to go, and hope she might drop them a hint or two in piloting in the process. A knock sounds at the door.

Zareq: “Who iiiiis it?”
DM: “You wanted some clothing?”
Kon: I open the door.
DM: You open the door!
Bremen: Iiiiit’s Malefax.
DM: No. As soon as you open the door two of those large guys you recognize as the bodyguards of that one dude burst in, leveling force pikes at you. Initiative.
Bremen: Excellent.

Initiative rolls are discussed and made. A cat is accidentally kicked. The group ponders the safety and logistics of whirling lightsabers around in close quarters – on a purely academic level, because like hell is anything going to stop them from doing it. The thugs burst in and brandish force pikes on stun settings, prompting Kon and Bremen to openly debate whether the rich guy is the one who put the buy request on them, or someone else. Kon takes 6 strain from the stunning, then tosses his blaster to Sanaya and whips his lightsaber around into the pack.

DM: One of them just drops in a heap as another one ducks out of the way of the sweep of the blade.
Kon: I’m gonna take some strain and jump back – well, shift back as far as I can.
DM: You can take an immediate free maneuver, instead of giving a setback die to this group.
Kon: Yeah, I’ll use the free maneuver.
DM: You promptly disengage back to short range so I can let my allies go in there. Zarshaan, you’re up next.
Zarshaan: Heh heh.Vmm! (a pause) Not that I know what I’m doing either…

Zarshaan rolls and promptly misses, despite the fact that she has amazing dice. The other players openly shriek in agony at the sight. The discussion goes to a weird place.

Kon: Ha! I love Daffy Duck SO MUCH! He’s so awesome!

Zareq steps up to the plate and rolls much better, cutting through the last three guys in the minion group and sending them flying. In the back, one guy clutches a tiny pistol and backs away.

Kon: I hope Malefax – “HEY! Stop making all that—“ (shocked pause)
Zareq: He’s got curlers in his hair.
DM: In his horns.
Kon: ‘I’m drying my horns here!’

The group complains about a lack of hot water in the house. Establishing that Sanaya isn’t firing into melee and the Twi’lek is hiding under the bed, Bremen spends some strain to close to engaged and attacks! A Triumph appears on his dice, and he debates on how to spend it. His crit winds the man, who stumbles backwards down the stairs and fires his disruptor at you.

Zareq: Noisy Cricket!
DM: Two successes but one disasdvantage. You take 10 damage from that, minus your soak.
Zareq: I say we give him the fucking strain!
DM: Kon.
Zareq: What happened to what’s-her-name?!
DM: She’s naked and not in a hurry to step into a disrupter fire blast with no armor on at the very least? Especially since you guys are whipping lightsabers around in broad strokes. Discretion is the better part of valor.
Zareq: True dat.
DM: Besides, you just killed three dudes in one swing! She figures you have it.
Zareq: Come on, support fire!
DM: Pew, pew, pew! ‘Who are you supporting?!’ ‘You’re the only one I can shoot.’

Kon charges down after the guy, while Zarshaan stares into the crowding and realizes she has no blaster to fire into the melee. She turns to help Zareq vault over the melee scrum to the other side.

Bremen: What if one of our natural instincts kick in? ‘Don’t try it!’
Kon: ‘Watch out! He has—‘ wait, no, he has the low ground.

Coordination or Athletics? This debate rocks the group to its very core! Athletics it is, to Zareq’s dismay.

Zareq: Can I fall gracefully at him? I wish there was a way you could use Agility with Athletics…

Zareq promptly rolls Triumph, which gives him success! The Star Wars theme starts up (poorly).

DM: You vault over the two and kick him in the face, knocking him down the stairs. He rolls almost reflexively, coming to his feet a few steps down. You’re like, “Ha!” The blaster pistol falls into your hand. Bremen!
Bremen: I can’t top that.
Zarshaan: You don’t have to! Just do something.

Bremen does all right for himself, though, leaping down and dealing a +40 crit that mangles his foe’s arm. His body rolls down the stairs onto the lower level of the bar. They immediately turn their lightsabers off and run into their room.

Bremen: Um, we probably shouldn’t just leave the bodies in the hallway. We can frame Malefax for having killed them.
Zareq: Yeah, let’s pick his lock and put them in his room.

Zareq goes down the stairs to find Kraaax staring wide-eyed at him.

Zareq: “Yeah, thanks for the warning.”
DM: “I tried to stop them.”
Zareq: “It’s okay. You have a dumpster somewhere?”

The DM scoops up some dice and rolls against Zareq’s Discipline. And he rolls pretty damn well.

DM: Kraaax tells you that next time she’ll give you a warning.
Zareq: “Appreciate it.” I get a feeling she’s part of this.
DM: According to that die roll, you did NOT.
Zareq: I know. Out-of-character.
DM: Out of character, yeah, it’s pretty obvious. In character, you got hoodwinked something fierce, boy. You totally believe her. She is looking fearful and intimidated because they menaced her. The poor woman has suffered—
Zareq: It’s not the fact that we just wiped the floor with them.
DM: The poor woman has suffered because of your presence and you might want to think of how to do her a good turn in kind before you leave.
Zareq: I don’t think it was that -- oh wait, you DID roll a Triumph.

The Twi’lek at last introduces herself, though she has to be shaken out of her awe to do it. Sara’brek’s name is spelled many times for the players’ benefit. The PCs squabble with Kraaax over whether or not she has actually ordered clothing.

Kon: “Send up some female henchmen, we’ll just use their clothes.”
DM: “You have enough girls up there, don’t you? It’s three and three now. By my count, you’re doing all right!”
Zareq: ‘Hey, you’re right, it’s one each now!’
DM: You find a droid with a bow on it for Bing-Bong.

Sara’brek has a lead on the slave they’re seeking. They talk with their ex-slaves for a bit, which leads to imagining a scenario in which three Triumphs cause Darth Vader’s out-of-control fighter to spiral in and bounce off their enemies.

DM: “What ship do you have?”
Kon: “That’s the whole reason we’re wanted by the Imperials in the first place. Long story short there was this war droid, we just walked in and took it… And then we were on our way!”

They dig up the ship sheet for the thing, and tell Sanaya just who its previous owner was. Her reaction is priceless.

DM: “Exen.”
Kon: “Oh, he has a name? We never got it. We kinda dropped him off in orbit.”

They remember – he’s on THIS planet! Undoubtedly he’s chasing them. They imagine Exen and Beep-boop sobbing while clinging to each other in joyous reunion.

DM: “He’s a… how to describe it. In some ways he’s like an army unto himself. He has four of those weapons you use, and is capable of using them to deadly effect. It’s virtually impossible to shoot him. The Emperor deploys him when he needs to take an established fortification without destroying it, for example. All he has to do is walk in and everything he meets dies.”
Bremen: “He’s one of a kind.”
Zareq: “That’s a relief.”
DM: “He’s an ancient model. I don’t know if he’s been found or been built anew on the old specifications.”
Kon: Oh man, is this the return of Grievous?
DM: No! This is actually a droid! It’s not a cyborg!

Sanaya warns them to run, though the PCs are still insistent on stopping Malefax. Kon attempts to Foresee, leading the DM to bemoan the day when he gets ranks enough to make his visions clear. He sees Malefax pushing away the faceplate of the droid, holding him back from a child – and four blades sweep towards the child. The choice to block those blades is clear – one blade from each of them. They argue whether this is symbolic and bemoan the idea that they will have to work with Malefax to protect the boy. Not certain who they can trust, they call Seben.

Zareq: “I need a ride.”
DM: “Oh!”
Zareq: “A discreet ride.”
DM: “This is a transport ride, right? I mean, you’re right there, Kraaax can handle that sort of thing if it’s not!” (throaty laughter) “I’m just joking with ya. What’s the deal?”

Seben and Zareq argue angrily over the transport, and Seben offers to transport and disguise them for 350. The DM mocks them.

DM: Worthless money! Can’t spend it on magic items!

With arrangements made, they now have to go back and pursue Malefax – knowing that he’s likely already acquired the child. With this weight on their shoulders, their thoughts turn… to next time.