As is traditional, the DM recaps the plots of last time: the players had rescued the monk Leosin from the cult camp.

Raven: And we didn’t do it by slaughtering everyone!
Thalynmar: We just beat the shit out of a poncey half-elf.
Krixix: Dude, that half-elf was tough. He took a beating.
DM: He had nothing, but he took a beating.
Thalynmar: He was still poncey, though. Nothing I said was not true.

The group receives their reward in spades. Leosin is taken off to the healers for much-needed treatment.

Krixix: Can we go tell his apprentice that, “God, we found him, but we couldn’t get in there. You should go get him!”
Thalynmar: You’re an asshole.
Krixix: Krixix is a little shit…
Thalynmar: We know.
DM: Yeah, start rolling up your new character for when you eventually betray them.
Krixix: I’m not going to betray them!
Thalynmar: I don’t think you’ll do it KNOWINGLY.
DM: “Time to draw my sword of drago—dra, dra, drah? Where’d it go, where’d it go?!”
Krixix: And you see Krixix walking away, doing this.. (counting money)
Eben: Krixix is walking away to start his own Krix List.
DM: Ooh, that was a good one.
Eben: Was that [an earlier pun’s] caliber?
DM: No, because I don’t wish death upon you.
Eben: I didn’t – ugh. I kind of did.

Eben vows that the DM’s puns have rendered him an atheist. Leosin asks for the heroes the next day, inexplicably adopting Deckard Cain’s voice and mannerisms as he does. Sensing the obvious next step in the plot, the group heads to visit him.

DM: He already sounds much better. The night of food, drink, and rest has served him well.
Thalynmar: And furious masturbation.
DM: Yeah, none of that subdued masturbation they forced him to do as a prisoner. It was all double-handed flailing.

Leosin begs them to go back and investigate the camp to see what the cultists’ current plans are, recognizing they will not be idle for long. He also recommends they not get captured. Krixix jumps at the offer of 150 gold per person to do this.

DM: “You will probably need to catch up with me in the city of Elturel, which is where I will be traveling once I am healed. There is a paladin by the name of Ontharr Frume. He is a comrade of mine and a good man. If you miss me, if this takes you longer than I would think, he is the one you need to speak to.”

The group eagerly anticipates being able to afford a 1000-gold spyglass someday, while Eben goes off on one of his usual rants about why anyone would not be an adventurer.

Maldrake: Just checking. You never know. We leave here, you’re a day out, and you’re like, “I forgot to give them my spyglass!” If only we could channel the power of Barack. The great lord who could put his hands to his eyes and see great distances. He’s a legend!

The group elects to go find Dr. Wily, which is obviously what they need to do here. They debate whether to go in the day or the night.

Krixix: I’m gonna use my Disguise kit.
DM: Right in front of you, Krixix whips it off and begins changing!
Krixix: What am I rolling with this…?
Thalynmar: The minute I see him changing, what kind of bonus do I get…

They finally elect to leave during the day, since they can always hunker down and wait till night if they think it provides an advantage. Having so decided, Thalynmar whips out a map for some reason.

Thalynmar: “IT’S THE WRONG MAP!”
DM: You find yourself in Dark Sun.
Thalynmar: “Ah, me beard! Why did it fall off?!”
DM: CURSED by your own hubris!

The group proposes to send a disguised Krixix in first, as the halfling himself has suggested. The DM lampshades how very quickly he will be captured.

Maldrake: ‘Maldrake, I want you to record the times as they happen.’ ‘All right. 9 o’ clock pm, he’s entered the camp. 9:01… he’s been captured. 9:03, they’ve moved him to the stockade.’
Thalynmar: He’s STILL running his mouth.
Maldrake: ‘8 pm, they appear to have gotten all the information they can out of him…”
DM: How did you go back in time to 8 pm there?!
Maldrake: Oh, I’m sorry. ‘9:10, he’s hanging in the stocks, he’s still squirming… 9:12, he’s stopped squirming. 9:15, he’s dropped bowels.’
Thalynmar: ’9:16, they’re pointing up at our location, we have to go.’
DM: ‘9:17, they were already behind us.’
Thalynmar: ‘They’re trying to take my pencil away from me!’

They set out, making good time on the trip, and quickly (in the narrative) reach the ridge where the rearguard was – though they also stop to get a look of the group they all knew perfectly well, out of character, are corpses thanks to Krixix. They skip around the rearguard position and head to the camp… only to find a LOT of tracks on the ground as they approach.

DM: As you draw closer, you can see the guard tower sticking up over the curve of the terrain. But it seems to be completely abandoned. No one in it.
Krixix: I wonder if I should creep ahead… 21!
DM: You creep slowly over the curve of the earth, and as you peer down at the camp, you see evidence of what appears to be a pretty significant fire that has taken out the topmost area where the stinking kobold huts were. Beyond that, everything appears normal, but empty.
Eben: So wait, the kobolds got torched?
Krixix: The dragon ate everybody. Do I see anyone in the guardhouse?
DM: Roll a Perception check.
Krixix: My Perception sucks. 2… minus 1.
Maldrake: You try to look at the guard post, but you’re too fascinated by a bug on the ground.
DM: You’re fairly certain there’s a guard post there, but you wouldn’t bet on it.
Maldrake: His eyes just went total blur!
Krixix: You know, it sucks, because I get to reroll 1s. But I couldn’t roll a 1, I got a 2.
DM: It’s literally the worst you could roll.

Krixix returns, reporting on the empty campsite, signs of fire, and the missing guardpost. The group is baffled. Eben runs for some reason.

Maldrake: Right now we’re in the Borean Tundra.
Thalynmar: The Boring Tundra? That’s what I called it. Because it was a shit questing area.
Lualyrr: I roll a Perception check.
DM: What are you perceiving?
Lualyrr: I’m looking at the guard tower.
DM: Okay.
Lualyrr: I rolled a natural 20.
DM: It is a guard tower.

It is also empty. Cautiously, the group advances into the camp. Down in the back they see a small fire, where four figures are cleaning the carcasses of animals. Not fearing this, they stroll on up.

Krixix: “Gentlemen, apparently we missed all the excitement. I guess I got here late.”
DM: “Yep.”
Krixix: “Where’d everybody go?”
DM: “Off.”
Krixix: “How about you, why aren’t you with ‘em?”
DM: “Working.”
Krixix: “I can see that. Might I share my fire with you?”
DM: Glaring at you, he makes very obvious motions of skinning, as if you were the one he was doing it to.

The NPCs continue to be thoroughly reticent as Krixix babbles questions at them, leading Eben to question why they haven’t attacked yet. Krixix continues to ask questions and get know answers.

Krixix: “Have you been here since sunup?”
DM: (silence)
Krixix: “Are you retarded?!”
Tyr: Am I hearing these questions?!
DM: The four immediately all stop their actions and turn to look at you.
Krixix: “Well then I’m going to take that as a no! So since you’re obviously not stupid people, then maybe I would just like to know how long you’ve been here!”
Maldrake: “I think we should leave…”
Thalynmar: “I’m getting’ bad vibes from that cave.”
DM: They all stare. From the distance you can all see them clearly glaring at your halfling with possibly murderous intent.

Krixix makes his escape and the group makes for the cave in the side of the cavern. As they do, the DM begins drawing it out – which of course they don’t make anything out of.

Eben: What’s in there?
Thalynmar: A battle.
Maldrake: Oh, he’s drawing it out? Looks like we don’t go in the cave, guys!

The cave entrance is broad but grows narrower, with rock columns every so often. Remembering that this is the cave that held dragon eggs, Maldrake proposes to go in and find them. He also has other goals.

Maldrake: Are you ready of your five pounds of matzo, no water?
Krixix: Can I put stuff on the matzo, at least?
Maldrake: No. Five pounds of matzo.
Krixix: Dude, I can’t put some butter, or a piece of cheese—
Maldrake: You’re about to lose your water…
DM: You stand outside the cave having a strange discussion.

Maldrake moves forward first, worried things are hiding behind the column. He sees nothing of any great importance.

Lualyrr: So no eggs or anything like that?
DM: No. There are no eggs sitting right here at the front of the cave, believe it or not.
Lualyrr: Damn!

Utterly anticipating an attack, they proceed forward with all due caution, heavily-armored warriors in front. Ahead, they see a drop-off that leads to a lower area.

DM: As you get in closer, you begin to hear faint sounds as your ears acclimatize. Dripping water, scratching rodents, scrapping – SCRABBLING lizards. Wind is blowing across the entrance of the cavern every so often. You realize all of this sound is making a nice low susurrus that is going to prevent sound from traveling clearly.
Eben: Did you just sneak in the word ‘susurrus’?!
DM: Yes.
Eben: That’s awesome. Inspiration for the DM!
DM: SWEET! You’re all gonna die.
Maldrake: Damn it, did you not read the passage here in the book? Do not get excited about DM propaganda. Do not give him inspiration.

Still paranoid, they creep forward and keep checking around columns, as the DM draws the rest of a side passage they can see further down. The players, taking advantage of his drawing position, molest him.

No, really.

DM: WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE. I have a girlfriend for both of this.
Lualyrr: Why don’t you get over here, then?
DM: I’m running a game, Lualyrr…
Maldrake: I just got a piece of his hair in there…
DM: There’s a good friend and then there’s a GOOD friend.
Maldrake: Hey, we’re going to live together, we might as well explore the relationship. It’s time for a snuggle party.

They head down the side passageway, and in a moment two things happen – they realize that shadows and a curve of the rock conceal a passageway, and the DM calls for initiative! They are surprised! Three figures spring out of the darkness – and the first immediately crits Maldrake, who is delighted to be able to quit the game and go play Destiny.

DM: He strikes at you twice with his scimitar. The first blow misses utterly, but the second one plunges into you for 13 points of damage.
Maldrake: What?! That’s jack all of shit.

The enemies have the pack tactics advantage, so the second one crits Maldrake for 15, but misses the second, and the third takes him down with 13 damage. Maldrake is, of course, not happy.

DM: They shriek out in unison as you drop. “For the glory of the DRAGON QUEEN!”
Maldrake: I don’t know why you’re surprised. This is why I don’t throw people with multiple attacks at you guys.

Lualyrr moves forward and casts Shatter on the three, while Maldrake bitterly predicts the three foes will just stomp him to death.

DM: Right out of Dead Space. Grr!
Thalynmar: RAAAW! Ba-boom! That guy does not kid around on his stomps.
Maldrake: He stomps like a MONSTER.
Lualyrr: The half-orc takes 9, the other two take 18.
DM: You blast the two that are not the half-orc off of their feet, and they slam backwards into the wall, where they slump, blood oozing from their mouths. And probably their anuses.
Maldrake: Really? 18 hit points?
DM: These guys are glass cannons.
Maldrake: Don’t rez me. I’m not dying to one-shotters. No. Put on my tombstone I fell down a pair of stairs. Yeah, two sets. Fell down the first stair and I died. Fell down the second and it finished me off.

Raven blocks the attack with his shield, and then Thalynmar kills the half-orc with a might blow. Lualyrr attempts to heal Maldrake, who angrily demands to be buried back at town instead.

Eben: She tried to cast it, but his rapidly-dying hand reached up and smacked her away. “No! Don’t waste heal spells!”

Krixix wastes a long diversion on whether or not he doubles his damage on a crit including sneak attack, while Maldrake burns his lay on hands. They listen at the tunnel the guards had come out of, and hear a slowly-growing commotion. Naturally, Krixix sneaks down to see what’s afoot, and promptly runs face-first into a crit.

DM: Oh god.
Eben: You’ve crit again!
DM: I really did. I’m not applying the full damage to the NPCs, by the way.
Krixix: So my sneak didn’t work.
DM: No. It did not.
Krixix: Holy shit, 19 is not a bad roll, man.
DM: I know. They rolled a natural 20 on their Perception and then a natural 20 to hit you. I am on a roll tonight.
Eben: Give Lualyrr her dice back.
DM: A spear flies out of the darkness and impales you.

The DM attempts to draw the map and the marker promptly dies on him. Initiative results, as the characters bemoan Krixix’s failure to block the corridor with his corpse. Lualyrr, inevitably first, moves up to heal Krixix. Krixix dumps ball bearings on the ground and gets out of the hall!

Krixix: Did I throw all of them?
DM: Yes, you emptied the bag.
Krixix: Damn it. That was a thousand ball bearings.
DM: The first guy steps up and just barely avoid falling. He scrambles forward, coming out, and then he turns and attempts to plunge his spear into Raven. The spear bounces off Raven’s shield. The second guy moves forward and succeeds his saving throw as well.
Krixix: Damn it!
DM: He attempts to spear what’s-her-name. Lualyrr.
Thalynmar: The La-li-loo-lay-lo?

Raven imposes disadvantage with his shield training, and succeeds on blocking the blow. The third NPC passes his save and stabs Raven for 6. The fourth one falls over on the ball bearings. Thalynmar attacks!

DM: You whip your weapon in between his spear and his shield.
Eben: (immature laughing)
Krixix: ‘Scuse me while I whip this out.
Thalynmar: That’s almost max damage, 14 damage.
DM: Are you using your trident?!
Thalynmar: No, Krixix keeps saying that – stop it, Krixix!
Krixix: I WISH he would use his trident.

Eben blasts a guard, and then Raven uses a Battle Master maneuver to kill that guard and deal 6 to a second. Maldrake tries to Abjure Enemy on a foe, but the enemy saves. Lualyrr casts Dissonant Whispers.

DM: You scan him. His head pops.
Krixix: Can I get a sneak attack on that guy at all?
DM: Roll a Dexterity check!
Eben: You’re gonna fall on your own ball bearings.
DM: It’s possible.
Krixix: I was gonna use my bow.
DM: You’d be at disadvantage.
Krixix: All right. Um… yeah, no.
DM: Sensing a chance, Krixix charges forward and negligently forgets oh, the trap he made! The guard takes a move action, stands up, and promptly stabs down with his spear.
Thalynmar: If Krixix dies, it’s gonna be kind of funny.
Raven: Is that one I can impose disadvantage on?
DM: Actually yes, believe it or not. You cancel out his disadvantage.

Krixix takes 2 damage from the attack. Thalynmar ponders throwing his axe, but instead whips out his trident and hucks that instead. The foe survives, and Eben misses. Raven is up!

Krixix: Just stab him.
Maldrake: He’s gonna have to walk…
Thalynmar: Your ball bearings are making this difficult.

Refusing to walk on the ball bearings, Raven stays back to provide protection. Maldrake pulls out a torch.

DM: It’s not like you’re using it for combat purposes.
Eben: AWAY! AWAY!
DM: Oh, well, he’s dead and so is everything else in the cave.

Lualyrr arbitrarily hits the foe, despite so many people in the way that she gets disadvantage on the attack. She still hits after accounting for that, of course, and claims the final kill.

DM: Each of them is carrying a dagger which is completely uninteresting, but the scabbards of these daggers are decorated with dragon motifs.
Krixix: I’m going to get rid of the daggers but keep the scabbards.
DM: Beyond that, searching the four of them reveals coins and small gems totally about 120 gold.
Krixix: “I recommend we hold on to at least one of these scabbards. They might be able to provide us with some information.”
Eben: ‘Scabbard, tell me about the Dragon Queen.’ It’s not talking.
Thalynmar: Give me sight beyond sight!
DM: ‘The Dragon Queen, you wish to know about her? Ask your questions!’
Eben: ‘Does she sleep on the first date?’
DM: ‘Not like your mom!’
All: OHHHHHHHHH!

The game proceeds down serious lines.

Maldrake: Yeah, let’s look up Katie Upton’s boobs.
Eben: Maldrake’s had his turn going first.
Maldrake: That happens every game! I get brave again, I go forward, I drop!
Eben: Just remember that the next time you feel like going forward.

Thalynmar uses Krixix as a broom to sweep away his ball bearings, and they proceed on.

Maldrake: I spell boobs ‘b-e-w-b-s’.
Eben: Did he sweep away the ball bearings? If I slip on anything I’m casting Hex on him.
DM: You’ve done a good job cleaning up the ball bearings. Probably none of you will slip unless you’re very unlucky. One round later, you’re all down. Huh.
Lualyrr: I‘m gonna crawl away on my hands and knees.
DM: Nope, you’re attached to the ceiling for some reason.
Lualyrr: God damn it.

The DM begins to draw out the map again, again putting him in an unfortunate position relative to the players.

Lualyrr: Poor Maldrake just got uncomfortable, ‘cuz the DM’s butt is way too close to him.
Maldrake: Oh no, I love it. I want to touch it. Get in there. All this hair. I’m gonna collect up his hair. Oh yeah… what are you, shedding? I can’t wait till you’re here and I can have as much as I want… (losing his faux-seductive tones as he continues to get hair off of the DM) Look at all this hair – why are you – are you gonna go – what?! Look at all this hair!
Thalynmar: We could make a second DM with all that hair.
DM: Oh no, there’s LOTS more hair that you need to make a second DM.
Maldrake: Look at all this, it’s all over!
DM: By the way, we need to vacuum regularly.
Maldrake: There’s a shower you’re not allowed in – how many bottles of Liquid Drano do you go through a week?!

The path splits as they go on ahead, though down one path they see a mostly-empty room that looks to have been downright ransacked. In the middle of that room they see one guy lying there, letting out thick snores.

Eben: If you don’t go kill him, Krixix will.
Thalynmar: If we keep him alive we can question the shit out of him.
Maldrake: Answer. (a very long pause) We could use them.

Krixix sneaks forward and promptly ends up in the darkness, which the darkvision-and-torch-possessing characters forget he can’t see through. Maldrake moves the torch up, cautiously.

DM: As you approach you realize two things. First of all, there are several bottles that are lying on the floor around this guy. Second, the smell of wine and alcohol is OVERPOWERING as you approach him. He’s lying on his side, a thin trickle of sickly green liquid trailing from his mouth.

They tie up the guy, who is unresponsive to the point of being comatose. Krixix scrubs coins off of the floor for a surprising amount of time, managing to come up with a total of 16 gold pieces. The NPC has nothing on him.

DM: You’re lucky he has underwear on, man.
Krixix: I’m about to kill him. Put him out of his misery.
Maldrake: No! We were gonna get information out of him.
Eben: Well what did you send him in there for? You send him in against a defenseless occupant, that person is going to die!

Leaving the guy behind for a moment, they move to the other room and find it to be a barracks. They begin searching through it, although the discussion gets bizarrely sidetracked by talk of OOC furniture. They go back to interrogate the tied-up NPCs.

DM: You splash water in his face and he snorts a little, but doesn’t wake up. You can only imagine how much wine this asshole has drunk.
Maldrake: Can I blow my five Lay On Hands charges?
DM: It won’t help, he’s drunk.
Maldrake: No, five Lay On Hands removes disease!
DM: Okay, you can cure his alcoholism, but not his condition!

They furiously slap and splash the guy till he staggers out of the depths of his unconsciousness, but he’s so drunk they can’t get any information out of him – not even with threats of defecating on him. The group elects to take a short rest, but Eben absolutely refuses to take one, so they don’t – he goes wandering instead, back to the drop-off way back.

DM: To the right there’s the broad steps that are carved into the natural stone ramp, and looking below you can see a lot of fungi. Some are just a few inches high, some of them are as tall as… oh, you’re all shorties, except for you… Let’s just say a human adult.
Eben: More mushrooms, I have no interest in those.
Thalynmar: But they’re fun-guys!
DM: I was going to tell you there’re two paths through them, but you don’t care.
Eben: No I don’t.

They take an hour to rest, but Thalynmar expects that the drunk guy will take many more to become coherent. Then back they go to the fungus, pondering which of the two paths through it they should take. Suspicious, they peer down with their torches lifted, and then Maldrake heads down the stairs to try to identify them.

DM: Peering at the two paths, you look at them carefully, and then something catches your eye on the right-hand one. You’re fairly certain that some of those mushrooms on the right hand side look distinctly unnatural, not normal.
Krixix: I’m gonna go eat one.
DM: If you have to guess, you’d say that there is curious tendrils growing from its base, which is not normal for a mushroom.
Thalynmar: And these are only growing on the right side?
DM: Yes.
Thalynmar: “I don’t think we should take the right-hand path…”
DM: As you step down the path, Eben, I want you to give me a Dexterity check.
Eben: Nope.
DM: The stair abruptly shifts beneath you as you step on it. I need the two of you to give me Dexterity check…
Thalynmar: Damn funhouse stairs. Can I go ‘whee’?

Half the party is dumped down to the very base of the unnatural fungus, which leaps into motion. They are not surprised, luckily, and initiative is rolled. Lualyrr is first to act!

Lualyrr: Give me one of those cards, I just rolled a natural 1.
Thalynmar and Maldrake: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
Eben: Amazing Miss. You are stunned for one round, Fortitude negates.
Thalynmar: No, I’m stunned for one round.
DM: You fire your hand crossbow so spectacularly it ricochets off of the wall, off of the ceiling, off of another wall, and then comes quivering to a halt in the top of a mushroom stack. And you are just staring aghast at this spectacular display.

Thalynmar, who has Improved Critical now, puts it to good advantage by dealing 28 points of damage, one-shotting the fungus creature. Krixix, using his assassin ability to deal a crit on a creature that hasn’t acted, one-shots the next fungus in turn. Two more shuffle slowly forward, and one promptly rolls a natural 1 and knocks its own Con down. No damage is inflicted except to the mushrooms.

DM: You should name yourself Eben the Mountain.
Eben: Because I fall down?
DM: Yeah, Eben the Mountain falls.

Silence.
DM: (singong) It’s a WoW joke!

A phenomenally long silence.

Maldrake: (sounding as defeated as one person possibly can) Yeah.

Eben kills the one that had weakened itself, and I’m not even sure how the last one died but it did – to the confusion of the group as well. Both paths are now clear, so on they head!

Eben: What was it you crippled me with last week?
Lualyrr: Glazed By the Living Gay Donuts.
Eben: That’s it!

They inform Krixix and Raven of the horror that is Chuck Tingle, and get a real kick out of their expressions. The DM… well, he’s drawing the map again…

Maldrake: I’ll fart in your armpit.
DM: Okay – what!?
Thalynmar: I like how you weren’t gonna respond and then it sank in what he said.
DM: I had to think about it for a moment.

The group’s laughter manages to start a chain reaction that sets everyone off in turn. They start rewriting the module.

Eben: Billionaire Dragon Queen…
Thalynmar: Craves Gay Ass.
DM: Tiamat, who knew?!
Thalynmar: It’s kind of a play on words, because it’s a DRAG-on Queen.
All: Dooooooohohohoho!

They head into a poorly-lit room, which has a large number of dead bats on the floor. Cautiously, Eben picks up one with Mage Hand and brings it over for a Medicine examination.

DM: This thing appears to have had its blood drained. You can see a puncture wound in its abdomen, and its corpse is very dry.
Eben: Mer’dovich!

Maldrake determines it isn’t a vampire’s doing, so the group curiously speculates as to what it could be (although Lualyrr had guessed it was a stirge a long time ago). The group assumes a straight line like a standard RP party, each of them going in a row.

DM: As you move forward, the loud noises, compared to this cave, you make abruptly cause an explosion of bats from the ceiling as you startle them. Enough that the ceiling itself must have been carpeted blast outward in a massive cloud, blinding and flapping and squeaking rodents swirling around you.
Maldrake: I’m surprised the torch didn’t set them off in the first place.
DM: They’re less sensitive to light because people come through here.

In the midsts of this frenzy, the inevitable stirges attack! Initiative is rolled and songs are burst into. A stirge swoops at Thalynmar, but Maldrake’s shield saves the dwarf. However, a second one stabs Thalynmar for 6 and attaches to him!

Maldrake: We ARE in the cave from frickin’ Star Wars. They’re attacking to us, they’re all over the ship!
DM: Uh-oh, give me a natural weapon failure.
Eben: You provoke an attack of opportunity from each adjacent opponent!
DM: Maldrake, um, Eben, and uh… and uh… duh… Thalynmar.

The AOOs easily annihilate it, but another one attaches to Thalynmar for four. Eben gets two on him for 8 points. Raven ducks two, Krixix has one attach for 5, and Lualyrr has one attack for 3.

Thalynmar: Smashy smashy!
DM: But can he hit them despite the swirling bats? Can he strike cleanly?
Thalynmar: Well, before that’s taken into consideration as a crit--
DM: You kill it. They have 2 hit points, by the way.

Raven, up next, fumbles and nicks himself for 1 point of bleed damage. The players continue on through, assaulting their stirges furiously, and then Maldrake actually takes a stirge. The ones still attached drink the bloods of those they are attached to, dealing a pretty fair amount of damage. The fight isn’t particularly interesting… they win at last, and then find themselves waiting for the bats to settle down. Three potential exists from the room offer themselves!

DM: You move ahead. There’s another ledge down below that goes about ten or fifteen feet out, and then it drops another ten feet. The area down there is pretty dark and you can’t see into it all the way even with your darkvision. Looking down there you can see all sorts of interesting refuse.
Thalynmar: “Looks like a garbage pit…”
DM: Broken pottery, rotted baskets, rope, clothes, boots, books, lamps…
Lualyrr: Books?!
Maldrake: I thought he was describing that one dude’s inventory. “Ropes, lamp oil, bombs…” You want to check out the other small hallway?
Thalynmar: No, but let’s do it anyway.
DM: As you approach, you notice a spear on the ground.
Thalynmar: A spear—oh!
DM: Masterslaying backbiting spear!
Thalynmar: Does the spear look similar to the ones that were used up higher?
DM: Not really. It looks to be the most crude of spears. The blade is pitted and probably wouldn’t stand up in combat in the slightest.
Thalynmar: Ugh, I throw it down in the garbage area.

Maldrake and the DM threaten each other with mutually-assured fart-based destruction; Thalynmar, who would be caught in the crossfire, threatens to leave entirely. Peering past where the spear was, they see deeply descending steps, with a curtain at the bottom made of heavy leather strips.

DM: It seems a little bit cool, like there’s a cold presence down there.
Lualyrr: Ohhh, white dragon, ugh.

Thalynmar tries to push the curtain out of the way with his axe, but the curtain is thick enough and short-hafted enough comparatively that he’s having difficulty with it. With a little nudging and an Intelligence check, he figures out that was what the spear was for and switches to his trident.

Eben: The spider power, invoke it!
DM: As you shift through the straps with the trident, you notice there are several barbed hooks with a fairly ominous sheen to them. You wouldn’t have noticed this if you hadn’t been moving carefully and at a distance. You can see there’s a socket just inside, an angled socket on the floor.

Thalynmar secures his trident in the socket to keep the curtain out of the way, and they step in to a cold room that clearly serves as a meat locker! With nothing of interest down there, the group returns to the top… and here the campaign ends for the evening.

Unfortunately, if memory serves, the next session was lost due to a recording error…