Eager to give 5E a proper shakedown cruise and with the promise of a long adventure to be seen through to the end ahead of them, the group has elected to run the Hoard of the Dragon Queen module for D&D 5E! Our cast of characters is as follows:

Lualyrr Talenna, drow bard.
Maldrake, dragonborn paladin.
Krixix halfling rogue.
Ebenezer Zurathos, tiefling warlock.
Thalynmar Forgeborn, dwarf fighter.

DM: Our adventure opens in a small merchant caravan which most of you have hired on as bodyguards, because it’s going to the town of Greenest. Many of you are drawn there by fate, conspiracy, or forces beyond your control, while others of you are simply working and trying to do the best you can, and this just happens to be where the money is. Though the five of you are unfamiliar to each other, you can sense there is something more to this meeting than just mere chance.
Eben: That bearded one… looks like he knows how to swing his axe. I better walk behind him.
Maldrake: I got this itch… feels like a criminal’s nearby. Lawbreaker. I AM THE LAW!
Krixix: “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Maldrake: “You’re awfully defensive, since I was talking to myself.”
Krixix: “You didn’t see me, I was right behind you. I thought you were talking to me.”

Their elderly caravan driver, a jovial gnome named Griffy, tells them that Greenest is close as night falls, and that the roads have been unsafe lately. The DM calls for Perception checks!

Eben: Are we rolling against Krixix? “He’s a criminal!”
Krixix: Oh come on! I have done nothing to make you think of me as a criminal…
Thalynmar: It was a dark and stormy night. You all are tired. You fall asleep on your watch. You all die. Except for me. I become a gold dragon again.
DM: The dragonborn is the first to notice the shimmer of orange light on the clouds up ahead, as the sun goes down. That shouldn’t be there. Soon enough, the faint smell of smoke permeates the air on the breeze as it comes from the direction you’re headed.
Eben: Dragon!
Maldrake: More than likely, it’s… I dunno.
Eben: Just a wisp of CLOUD!
Maldrake: It could be men holding torches.
Lualyrr: …in the cloud?
DM: “I don’t like the looks of this!”
Maldrake: “It’s called a hill!”
DM: “Onto the wagon, I’m going to give the mounts their head! On, on!”

The wagon speeds up as they clatter down the road, with Eben complaining that the wheels are noisy. Mounting the hill, they spy the town of Greenest aflame!

DM: Above it all, a dark winged shape wheels over the keep that rises from the center of town.
Maldrake: “I don’t need my divine sense to sense a dark dragon.”
DM: Griffy freezes in his position, staring up in awe at the sight.
Maldrake: “My dragon blood screams for me to murder this thing!”
Eben: Hm?
Maldrake: I’m a copper dragon, all evil dragons are my enemy.
Eben: He didn’t say what color it was.
DM: You can’t tell at this distance.

Griffy urges the horses to speed, as the players complain the DM isn’t using the gnome voice. They draw closer, seeing chaos and tumult in the town as they approach!

Maldrake: I pull out my torch. “AWAY! AWAY!”
DM: LUCKILY, the dragon seems to take no notice of your lone little group as you approach.
Maldrake: Can I see it now?
DM: The dragon’s still wheeling around up there.
Eben: (who can’t stop giggling over this line) In the clouds?
Maldrake: Can I see what color it is?
DM: Give me a Perception check.
Maldrake: Natural 20.
DM: Natural 20 counts for nothing!
Maldrake: 21.
DM: Still counts for nothing, you suck!
Maldrake: …okay.
DM: It’s difficult to tell at this distance, but then in the wake of its crackling lightning breath, you can see its scales are clearly blue. The lightning cuts a great swath across the keep. The tower takes the brunt of it. Stone showers to the ground, and then it is lost to sight as the wagon enters the town proper. Without warning, five humans dash out from between two buildings on your left. One limping man is trying to usher three young children in front of him, racing across the street into more shadows. Behind them, a woman carrying a round shield and a broken spar turns and faces back in the direction they came from. Eight kobolds stream out of the alley on the family’s heels, and they fan out around the woman. She is determined to hold off the creatures as long as possible.
Maldrake: How far are we from that, because I’m definitely charging in…

The group attempts to dismount the cart with far more flair than the motion deserves, flipping and tumbling and rolling checks for no reason! The DM explicitly tells them they don’t need to do that.

Krixix: I roll a 19 to jump off fancily, so I can do a little flip.
DM: Sorry, the difficulty is 21.
Krixix: I land on my face!
DM: The kobolds stab your limp body. Your fight is over.

Initiative! It immediately goes poorly.

Eben: (choking) Zero. I rolled zero. That’s the first time that ever happened.
Thalynmar: You’re just lounging there…

The kobolds ignore the PCs as they leap off the wagon. Lualyrr, acting first, files her hand crossbow into the kobolds.

Lualyrr: 19.
DM: That is a hit.
Maldrake: ‘That is a miss.’ Welp! This game’s over!
DM: ULTRAKOBOLD!
Thalynmar: How is this a level one adventure?
DM: It’s poorly written!
Maldrake: Are you dissing my ability to make monsters, asshole?
DM: No. What? How did you even come into this?!

Four damage strikes but does not slay a kobold, and Lualyrr gives Bardic Inspiration to Thalynmar. He charges into the fray, and his 12-damage strike slays his target.

Maldrake: “The first kill goes to you, friend!”
Thalynmar: “Many more where that comes from. Let’s hope you add to them as well.”
DM: Seeing this—
Thalynmar: I didn’t mean that as cocky as it sounds. Oh well.
DM: You’re a jerk! The three kobolds that are nearest to you, the one that was already hit and its two comrades, abandon their pursuit of the woman, seeing you as a bigger threat.
Maldrake: “I like your enthusiasm!”
DM: You swarm around you, and instantly you find yourself confounded by the way they work together. Their motions are swift and surprisingly clever. They may not be strong individually, but in packs they are magnificent. Their rolls, however, are not.
Thalynmar: Clang, clang, clang.

Thalynmar takes 6 and 5 points of damage, which as a first level fighter is pretty rough. Maldrake dives into the fray, bombastically challenging the kobolds and doing all he can to block the path so others can’t reach the dwarf. His swing takes one out.

DM: One of the kobolds stabs at the woman with broke spear, sliding the weapon past her defenses and laying open her thigh. You can see the pulsing blood flowing through and staining her pants.
Krixix: “Guys, I don’t really do well with blood!”
DM: You’re about to.
Maldrake: “Time for you to learn! You’re gonna learn today!”
DM: The other two swarm around you, Maldrake!

Maldrake has a better AC, and resists the kobolds’ attack. Krixix fires into the battle with his shortbow, taking one down.

DM: Eben!
Maldrake: You notice combat a foot behind you! “Come friend! There’s many heads to bust!”
DM: Good paladinly talk there.
Eben: Hmm.
Maldrake: “These… lawless creatures of…”
Thalynmar: Pew! I’m sorry.
Eben: SPECIAL BEAM CANNON! Instant Transmission…

Eben slaughters the injured one, and Lualyrr fires her hand crossbow for four again. Thalynmar considers who to attack.

Thalynmar: Can I reach an uninjured one? No, actually last time that happened… I got hurt. And Second Wind…
Maldrake: “Ah ha! Another kill for me!” Does an 18 hit?
Eben: Come on.
Maldrake: I know… and 10 points. “To fight against a blue dragon like this gives me great joy!”
DM: “We’re kobolds, you fool!”
Maldrake: “But you are servants of the blue dragon!”
DM: “And soon you will join our comrades in HELL!”
Eben: In the cloud?
DM: “Yes, ALL of our connectivity is moving to the cloud! It’s the way of the future!”
Thalynmar: All my data is there…

The kobolds hamstring Maldrake for 4 and 5, sending agony through Maldrake’s system.

Maldrake: I roll an 18 on Performance. “No! But a scratch!” As I sit on two hit points…
Krixix: It’s the Black Knight from Monty Python!

Krixix kills the second-to-last kobold, while Eben leaves the last one with one hit point left. Lualyrr obligingly claims the kill. Maldrake quickly checks the NPC with Medicine.

Thalynmar: “On the move! On the move!”
DM: She’s hurt but she’ll probably be all right. However, it would be a bad idea for her to continue fighting.
Maldrake: I pick her up.
DM: “Whoa, hey! What – what?”
Maldrake: “I must bring you to safety!”
DM: “You could at least carry my children instead!”
Thalynmar: “I’ll get them!”
DM: You look around for the children, but just as they do, they come peering out of the alley from which they ran, followed by the man. You notice as you look at him, he’s extremely battered. Black eye, extremely battered, and he appears to be nursing a wicked limp.
Maldrake: I like the idea of the children being all, “Let go of my mommy!” Their combined punches deal 2 points of damage. Collapse.

The NPCs tell them they must get to the keep, which is being cordoned off. Krixix advocates that they leave town, but they counter that the roads aren’t safe.

DM: “We’d be sitting ducks out there.”
Krixix: “We’re burning ducks in here!”
DM: “The keep isn’t on fire! It’s just a little dragon-riddled up top.”
Maldrake: “The basement is probably safe.”
Thalynmar: “Aye, it’s made of hewn stone, it’d be the greatest place to go.”

Maldrake lays hands on himself, and they hurry off! Some of them carry the children, while Krixix sneaks on ahead to scout. At the end of a road, he spies kobolds being directed by a rogue human. One of the kobolds has wings!

DM: They’ve smashed their way into the storefront, tossed torches into the thatched roof, though it doesn’t appear to be burning very well—
Maldrake: (choking and slapping the table) I’m sorry… Thatch-roof cottages!
Thalynmar: Trogdor.
Eben: TROGDOOOOOOR!
Maldrake: Is there a big man-muscley arm coming out of that dragon?

With this group in the way and NPCs in the group, the players retreat to try to discuss a plan to break this group without anyone dying, themselves of their wards. Maldrake and Thalynmar are both injured, while the rest of the group is not particularly sturdy…

Krixix: “I had no intention of shielding them with my body! I was just going to stay back here and take shots at these guys too. No offense to you children…”
Thalynmar: You are fodder!
Krixix: “But if I have a choice of you or me, I’ll do my best to protect you but I will not die for you.”
Maldrake: “I am going to pretend you did not say that.”

Eben tries to sneak forward to launch a few cantrips to distract them – but he has a -1 to Dex, and so rolls a 9. He clatters into a rain barrel, and the cultist with the kobolds turn, then begin advancing on the alley. Eben quickly casts Thaumaturgy!

DM: The torches flare up brilliantly. The cultist, with an unmanly shriek, hurls it away—
Eben: Hurls it where?
DM: Away.
Thalynmar: AWAY! AWAY!
Maldrake: YES!
DM: …It clatters to the ground on the street..

The kobolds are roused and the winged one takes to the sky as initiative is rolled! They roll wonderfully, and Lualyrr snipes the winged one right out of the gate. Thalynmar is next.

Eben: “Don’t worry about that thing.” I’m telepathically communicating that to him, not table-speak…
DM: A voice THUNDERS into your head from nowhere you can understand, telling you not to worry about the flying kobold. What do you do?
Eben: It’s MY voice. It’s not a phantom voice…
DM: Well, you know, you get your power from the Great Old One, it might not sound like you.
Eben: “It is I, Eben! A conjuror of cheap tricks!”
DM: “It is I, Cthuleben.”
Eben: Why do you set out to make me evil?!

Thalynmar charges into the midst of the enemies, having not learned his lesson. Eben deems his mental voice to be ‘Angry Gandalf’, then casts Dissonant Whispers on the urd.

DM: You see it clutching at its head for just a moment before its entire skull pops and its body spirals down into the distance.
Eben: You scanned its brain!
Thalynmar: When he said spiraled, I was thinking… (making motions and a sound reminiscent of a deflating balloon)
Maldrake: The velocity of blood shooting out of its torso gives it thrust.

Maldrake surges into position to blast the line of kobolds with his acid breath. They all save… and yet the damage is far too high for even half-damage on a save to let them survive.

DM: The cultist looks at you in horror.
Maldrake: “Even my breath brings justice to evil!”
Thalynmar: Well done, sir.

Eben misses with his eldritch blast, and the cultist turns and runs like hell. Lualyrr fires with disadvantage, but as the entire group lampshades, neither of her dice roll below 17. She fails to drop the cultist, though, so Thalynmar runs forward to hurl his trident.

DM: Your trident takes him in the back with all three points. He lets out the Wilhelm Scream and drops to the ground.
Eben: I like that you have a trident.
Thalynmar: I wanted a polearm I was able to throw.
DM: Are you willing to take the time to retrieve it?
Thalynmar: Nope, I’m just gonna stand there and take a look at the moment.

Krixix takes time out to try to look the kobolds’ takings, while Eben, very paranoid, snatches Thalynmar’s trident with Mage Hand. In no hurry, Krixix searches the bodies, but his delay has attracted more kobolds and cultists.

Krixix: Have they seen me?
DM: Yes. They are charging straight for you as you sit in the middle of the street, looting the corpse of their fallen comrade.
Krixix: I am going to dip into one of the nearest buildings and hide.
Maldrake: We have all moved to the keep, by the way…

The DM calls for initiative, and Krixix abruptly realizes that his movement will only take place on his initiative roll, and that the kobolds could potentially slaughter him if they roll higher. The kobolds reach Krixix first!

DM: You take three points of damage from the first one’s dagger. Oooh, this could be dicey.
Maldrake: DUDE! Uncalled for! In bad taste, sir, in bad taste.
DM: The funny thing is, it was unintentional.
Thalynmar: Exactly, because he didn’t do it in the voice. You always have the pun voice.
DM: The next one immediately rolls terrible on his damage. You take three points of damage.
Krixix: That’s not terrible!
Maldrake: That’s probably on the low end of their damage scale, it’s probably 1d4+1.
DM: 1d4+2 actually. And once again, you realize their pack tactics are putting you at an extreme disadvantage—
Thalynmar: It’s packtacular!

Silence, then groaning.

DM: It wasn’t me!

Krixix goes down from the fourth kobold’s stab, and the game turns to a discussion about the death rules. The DM awards Krixix inspiration for suicidally roleplaying his flaw.

Lualyrr: First I’m going to call out to my friends. “Krixix has fallen, we must help him!”
Maldrake: “What’s a Krixix?”
Lualyrr: You asshole.
Maldrake: Well, I don’t know if we discussed each other’s names during the journey…

Lualyrr promptly crits a kobold to death, while Maldrake hefts forward to go protect his friends.

Eben: Can’t you charge the kobold?
DM: You do need a feat to charge!
Maldrake: The question is now valid!

Maldrake at last takes his move, after an oddly large amount of discussion and planning. He takes up position not far from Krixix to draw their attention away.

Maldrake: “Come and get me, you kobold bastards! Minions of a slave dragon.”
DM: Screaming out phrases like—
Thalynmar: “You suck!”
DM: “She is risen!” the cultists march up the street in formation, spinning their scimitars as they do.
Eben: AWAY! AWAY!
Maldrake: I quickly summon my Indiana Jones spirit and shoot them all!

Eben snipes a kobold from the alley, dropping it. The kobolds advance on the two heroes, and Maldrake takes his readied action to attack one!

DM: Your shining sword cleaves through the kobold—
Maldrake: Flail! Flail!
DM: Flail, that’s pathetic, you asshole. Get a sword.
Maldrake: I have a war pick and a flail, because I don’t like swords!
DM: You bash the kobold stupidly with a dangly thing on a stick. The kobold dies in shame.
Maldrake: Slashing weapons sucked in the other one! Why would I use a sword?

The other kobold bounces off Thalynmar’s shield, which he fortunately just put on. Maldrake rants angrily about how he chose a flail to symbolize a dragon’s tail. Then he swings at the last kobold for max damage!

DM: You dangle it around like a cat toy. The kobold bats at it till you bash its head in.
Eben: Stop making fun of his flail!
Maldrake: I can switch up to a nice 1d6 sword.

The DM continues to describe all hits with brutal graphic imagery, leading Eben to bemoan how gory the module is. The warlock attacks, but doesn’t know which cultist he should hit!

Eben: Which one is the least-snappiest dresser?
DM: They’re all wearing identical robes! But the one on the right has natty hair. The one on the left has nappy hair!
Eben: Ooh. Natty, nappy, and…
Maldrake: Long.
Krixix: Nasty.
DM: He has a pompadour.
Eben: Pompado—I can’t kill him. One of the rest of you will have to do it. Natty! Ha ha, 10 damage!
DM: You blow his hair off, along with the top of his head. He continues to stare, holding his sword, as the last of the life leaves his body. Then he slumps to the ground. His brain rolls onto the cobbles of the street.
Eben: This is the goriest module EVER!

Krixix rolls a natural 20, regains a hit point, and gains consciousness as well! He shoots the cultist in the back, then Lualyrr kills him. The cultist, knowing he’s going to die, plunges his scimitar into Maldrake for 5 points of damage, then gets pierced by Thalynmar, missed by Eben, and then Krixix kills it.

DM: Your arrow takes it in the back, and it drumps!
Eben: Drumps?
Lualyrr: Drumps?
DM: And it SLUMPS, leaning its… flaccid weight heavily onto your shield, Maldrake.

Maldrake begs some healing from Lualyrr, and gets a small amount. The field is theirs once again.

DM: You scurry back into the alley you were originally retreating from, unless, uh… unless Krixix would like to search the bodies.
Maldrake: I’ve learned the Paladin Full Nelson! Drag him along… I place him inside my inventory. He takes up a back slot.

Sneaking forward, the NPCs report that there are two guards blocking their path to the keep. Eben bitterly predicts that they’re all loaded down with martial adept levels, but Krixix sneaks forward to see a cultist and a kobold watching the robe. The group annihilates these two guards from surprise, then scrambles into the gates as they are shut! The keep is full of the injured and refugees from the town.

Maldrake: I look for the highest-ranking person.
Eben: The highest-ranking commoner.
DM: You ask around very quickly and the guards direct you to the parapet—
Eben: Let me guess. Someone stole your sweetroll.
Krixix: I’m gonna look for the wealthiest person who looks like they’re injured.
Eben: He’s going to pick their pockets…

Maldrake continues to demand to know the location of the person in charge, despite the DM repeatedly telling him to go to the parapet. Finally, they go to the parapet!

DM: You see an older man pacing angrily. As he turns to face you, you see he has clearly been injured. His face and head are bandaged, his right arm is in a sling, he’s covered in what is probably his own blood. Nevertheless, his eyes are bright.
Eben: Golbez.
Maldrake: “Greetings. We came through town just now. We did our best to help the people outside. I’m here to help more.”
DM: “I saw your final run from up here, it was very impressive. You cut down those two… magnificently, I suppose.”
Krixix: “Yes, I am a pretty good shot, I suppose. Thank you.”
Thalynmar: (mimes throwing Krixix off the tower)
DM: “I’m afraid we’re trapped in here for now. Perhaps there may be an answer.”
Maldrake: ”I don’t suppose you have a convenient dragon-slaying catapult that happens to be pointed in another direction we can turn towards the dragon…”
DM: “Yes, we surely have that and have just not used it by now out of laziness.”
Maldrake: “I was hoping for luck.”
Krixix: Can I just sit up here and take potshots?
DM: “If you want to attract the attention of the dragon, certainly.”

The leader identifies himself as Governor Nighthill, as he frets about getting more refugees in. A dwarf stomps up the stairs, jingling from an abundance of keys.

Krixix: Natural 20, he no longer has that ring of keys in his pocket!
DM: Are you actually Sleight of Handing his keys?
Krixix: No…
Maldrake: I’m using my criminal sense. I have modified my Divine Sense for criminal activity!
Thalynmar: “What’s yer idea, kinsman?”
DM: “It’s very little known but there is an old tunnel that leads from the basement of this keep out to th’ stream, for just such an occasion. It’s never been used! So we might have ta search a bit for it, I’m not entirely certain exactly where it IS in the castle. However, I believe if we can find it and utilize it, these folks out there have no way of knowing.”
Eben: “Fleeing from a dragon through a secret passages with the help of a dwarf…”
DM: “Nay, we shall not flee! We shall use it to bring others inside!”
Eben: “I still can’t help but feel familiar with this course of action…” They’ve copied the DM! See, this is why we should podcast. You could sue Wizards of the Coast for copying him in their module.
DM: There were two dragons in that and they were green, it’d never stand up in court.

The group, a bit exhausted, elects to take a short rest. The dwarf, Escobert, has begun clearing the cellar to open the door. He passes the key to Maldrake, leaving Thalynmar to cast bitter barbs at how he didn’t seem to be the most trustworthy one.

Krixix: I’ll go first.
Thalynmar: All right, close the door and lock it up.
Krixix: Problem solved.

They step forward into masses of spiderwebs and stale air, traveling forward some hundred feet or so through the narrow tunnel until the DM calls for Perception check. They hear squeaking!

Eben: Wait, did the game just autosave?
Thalynmar: Are there a bunch of health potions on the ground?
Maldrake: We DID just hit a save point…
DM: You DID just get a short rest in a safe spot, so…
Thalynmar: I stop, give my party a warning, and I continue on.

Thalynmar spots a writhing swarm of rats on the floor ahead. With a mighty groan of effort, Eben fires an eldritch blast into the swarm, dealing 8 points of damage. Initiative ensues! Krixix, quick to act, ducks forward through Thalynmar’s space but misses a rat and retreats. The DM abruptly takes note of the background music.

DM: This is more ominous for rats than I would have thought…
Thalynmar: With a trident, that would be 21.
DM: That hits!
Thalynmar: 5 damage.

Eben curses that he can’t copy Aibghalien’s voice, and misses his blast. Maldrake, too far back, holds his action. Lualyrr complains that she can’t do anything.

Maldrake: You still have your crossbow!
DM: You’re still at a penalty because of their massive cover.
Lualyrr: I crit!
DM: You hit. Apparently.
Krixix: Did you even roll…?

The rats swarm forward! Thalynmar takes three points of damage, and the first swarm gets cut down in a flurry of actions.

DM: Maldrake, you can strike now! You have the advantage.
Maldrake: Don’t say that, you’ll make me think I can roll two d20s.
Eben: He’s going to roll two 1s.
DM: No, I said you have THE advantage, not advantage.
Eben: You roll two 1s. (Sean Connery voice) “Sorry, Thalynmar. They got us.”
DM: There’s just a flail sticking out of Thalynmar’s torso.

Eben furiously demands the DM stop making fun of the flail, but the party triumphs over the rats!

Eben: Unfortunately, that’s going to anger the spiders, since the rats were their food source.
DM: I’m sorry, you’ve woken the Hive.
Eben: Oh, no problem. Aim down the sights, boom boom boom boom—
DM: I’m sorry, you’ve startled the Witch.
Eben: …..oh.

The tunnel ends in a rusted-over grate, and Thalynmar whips out his crowbar before being reminded it’s probably locked. Maldrake attempts to retroactively trade in his war pick for a long sword, but the DM rules the soldiers wouldn’t take the war pick because it’s too cool. Krixix is volunteered to open the door before the DM reminds them to use the key. One Dex check later, the door opens.

Maldrake: “All right, little one, you first.”
DM: You send out one of the children.
Maldrake: WHY DID WE BRING THE – HE’S THE LITTLE ONE!
DM: “We saved them, they’re ours to do with as we please.”
Maldrake: I attach two of them to my shield.
DM: Congratulations, you’re one of those guys from Borderlands.

Krixix pokes his head out, and spies kobolds and cultists searching the stream bed. They duck back in to wait out the search, since the DM is using milestone experience and killing the kobolds won’t give them extra experience. Undiscovered, they retreat back to the door.

Thalynmar: “Ach!”
DM: “Aye!” And the door creaks open.
Thalynmar: I can’t believe that’s the actual password.
DM: “What news? Was it usable?”
Thalynmar: “Aye, usable, though there are some patrols going around.”
DM: “There’s a risk we’ll be seen, but it is our best way in and out of the castle now.”

A rumble cracks through the air and shakes the castle, and screams break out from above. The dragon is attacking!

DM: You hear the governor calling from up above. “Every guard to the parapet!”
Thalynmar: That’s us.
Maldrake: “Killing dragons is what I’m – killing EVIL dragons is what I’m here for!”
Thalynmar: (as a commentary on Maldrake’s voice) “Oooh yeah!
Maldrake: “Let me tell ya somethin’ dragon, I’m coming for you!”
Eben: Speaking meta, why are we rushing to fight a dragon as first level characters?!

The players babble meta-speak for a while, which apparently becomes Simlish. The DM angrily rules that the dragon slays everyone. They rush up to the top, and guards toss the PCs crossbows.

DM: Surging down from the clouds, the huge form of the dragon swoops—
Maldrake: I’m looking for a chink in its armor to launch a recently-painted black arrow.
DM: Its lightning breath crackles out, slashing through the defenders atop the tower. Two of them are blasted off the edge and fall screaming to their death.
Thalynmar: I furrow my brow and call out, “Is that the best ye’ve got?!”
DM: You notice one of its eyes flicker and focus on you.
Maldrake: “I like your enthusiasm, friend. Taunt the big dragon! It’s only blue – the WEAKEST OF THOSE DRAGON TYPES!”
DM: From beneath three heavy scars, the eye narrows at you, but it ignores your taunts as it continues to fly by.

The players launch a volley at the dragon, mildly annoying it, and it flies away. Maldrake continues to shoot at it, thanks to his long-range heavy crossbow.

Maldrake: Wow. That’s the BEST EVER!
Eben: He DID roll two 1s…
Maldrake: Which one do I choose?!
DM: Pull your card.
Maldrake: I don’t even know how I managed to do that. The crossbow snapped. I take one point of bleeding damage…

The dragon flies back in! Lualyrr, as should surprise no one, promptly crits it amongst the volley of readied actions.

DM: The dragon looks startled as several of the bolts manage to fly up and strike it, sticking into its scales, and one scale itself spins off into the distance as a bolt of force energy knocks it away. Does anyone speak Draconic?
Lualyrr: Hi!
Eben: Naturally, I do.
DM: You hear a distinct draconic grumble that you can translate as, “Well, fuck THIS.” And the dragon turns and begins winging its way out of sight.
Lualyrr: “COWARD!” In draconic.
DM: Are you SURE you want to do that?
Maldrake: Before she gets the words out. “Discretion is the better part of valor, young lady!”

The group settles in to tend to the wounded for a bit, except for Krixix who goes to rob the place blind, but he discovers the governor is not ragingly corrupt and didn’t stuff piles of gold into a back room to swim in. With this page of the module’s chapter complete, the night ends here, with the rest of Greenest’s dark night awaiting them when next they convene…