The game begins with the players dicking around with the transcriber by placing a sketchy chef kitchen timer directly on the microphone. The DM gifts the players with experience for defeating the creature in front of the temple and the three undead guardians beneath it.

Aliarra: 21,001. I forget what you gave me that one experience for, but I recorded it.
DM: I don’t remember.
Aliarra: Ain’t robbing me! I was kinda hoping you’d sarcastically give us 7,999 experience, and then I’d be like, cha-ching!

The players reminisce fondly about how long this game has been going on, as it’s approaching five years now. The game picks up with the PCs in the final antechamber of the Temple of Kalroth, facing the being of pure energy.

Aliarra: You know, I really hate to deliver the, ‘Why are you?’ line, because it’s always just playing right into their plans, where it’s like, ‘Ha! You don’t know anything about why you’re here or what you’re doing!’ I hate to use the line! But on the other hand, what else are we gonna ask?
Hanzo: Use a Knowledge(WTF?) roll.
Aliarra: That’d be Knowledge(arcana). My first concern is that this is an izual.
Aiden: 21.
DM: A creature like this you have never, ever recollected. Not even a hint.
Aliarra: “Who and what are you?”
Cissy: “You were expecting us?”
Hanzo: “Be you angels?”
Aiden: There’s a good possibility that the being before us is Kalroth himself.
DM: “To answer the little one, I am who brought you here.”
Aliarra: Why the hell couldn’t you bring my cohort, too?!
DM: “They did not play a role.”
Aiden: That’s messed-up, DM, Pan is right THERE.
DM: “I am the Izual.”
Aliarra: “Of?”
DM: “Divination.”
Aliarra: Ah ha ha, he’s the loser Izual. He’s the one that gets picked on.
Aiden: Your fate is changed. You’re now a baby forever.
Cissy: “Mighty Izual, I’m not with her.”
Aliarra: Sorry, Divination can’t do SHIT. All it can do is know things. Actually very powerful… but boy can we rough it up. It’s gonna try and Clock King us. “Sorry, Aliarra, I know you have exactly a plus sixteen to your attack roll- -OH GOD! PLUS SIXTEEN IS ENOUGH!”
DM: Just to say, I did kind of think of the Clock King with this guy.
Aliarra: “Well, surely you couldn’t have doubted that we’d make it here.”
DM: “I see many outcomes. Though the chances that you’d make it were very good.”
Aliarra: “What outcome did you see that caused you to bring us here?”
DM: “I wanted to level the playing field.”
Cissy: “So hire a construction company.”
Aliarra: “Mr. Izual, I’m not with her.”
Aiden: You don’t have a high-enough Knowledge(comedy) to be making those jokes.

The izual explains that it is less susceptible to influence and mental decay over time, leaving it with a measure of free will and self-determination its brethren no longer have. Aliarra bitterly acknowledges that in-character she isn’t knowledgeable enough to ask how Divination is more resistant than Abjuration.

DM: “Good or evil, it matters not. The outcome will be the outcome, and only then will I see which one I saw was correct.”
Aliarra: “Well, we have a certain vested interest in a victory here, even if you do not.”
DM: “Exactly. I saw the balance may have been a bit off, which is why I showed you this place.”
Aliarra: And now we all need to go, “shit what is it we were supposed to learn here?”

They quickly recap the various things they had seen within this temple, but the izual tells them directly that this is where the game ends. In so many words.

Aiden: WOOO! It’s over!
Aliarra: Oh, if this is all we were leading up to.. The End.
DM: Not in the literal sense, god damn it.
Aiden: “CONGRATULATIONS! You fought great justice!”
Aliarra: “So this is where the parts are to be reassembled. Into one god, or the energies thereof.”
DM: “This is where the creator becomes created again.”
Cissy: Is that a bad thing?
Aiden: Yeah…
Aliarra: So what I’M hearing is that we should wreck the hell out of this place so it can’t happen. But we probably can’t.
Hanzo: “What is necessary for the creator’s creation?”
DM: “To be reassembled. I have already leveled the playing field.”
Cissy: “To whose ends?”
DM: “To yours.”
Aliarra: So something in here is of such valuable knowledge or information that it more than makes up for the fact that we’re going up against Moresh, six other izual or seven or however the hell many, and whatever else is out to get us. The entire ninja clan… but what the hell IS it?

Aiden investigates the pillars to try to figure out any valuable information, while Aliarra wishes Pan was present in a way specifically designed to get the DM to make Pan appear. Unsurprisingly, this fails.

Hanzo: Can the izual do the State Farm thing and make him appear.
DM: The necklace does nothing.
Aliarra: Who’s glaring at the necklace?! I’m glaring at you, douchebag! (incredibly strained) “I WISH WE HAD PAN HERE!”
DM: Tough nuts, he ain’t here!
Aiden: If we had some State Farm insurance, we could be, “State Farm is here!” Bam! Y’all have a nasty god to deal with?
Aliarra: Yeah, and if we had some Old Spice, all we’d have to do is look up and it’d be made of diamonds, but we don’t have that either.

People search for clues, but the izual points out that their advantage is solely that they know the location of the temple. Not in absolute terms, but they could magic their way back.

Aliarra: “So the others don’t know where this is, then, is what I’m taking from this. Which means that if we were to recover all of the parts first, we would be able to use this to reconstruct it… which in the end is probably the only way we’re ever going to keep the parts of Kalroth out of the hands of evil for all time. The problem is, how do we do it in a way that doesn’t dick over everything. That’s what we need to address. We need to keep the power out of the hands of Drekthelar…. You know, maybe we ought to be getting another god involved in this.”
Mrrshala: “Like which one? Skeldric?”
Aliarra: “I’m ALWAYS for Skelric.”
Aiden: “I could seek guidance with Pelor.”
Aliarra: Denerim.
Aiden: “Denerim, in this universe.”
Hanzo: GAAAAARL GLITTERGOOOOOOOOLD.
Aliarra: “I seem to think that Denerim might be one of the superior choices? You know, I’m all for giving more power to Skeldric, but on the other hand we do have to consider the ramifications of giving Kalroth’s power to a god of battle, even just battle. As much as I enjoy it, I don’t think that’s something I want the entire WORLD to be swept up in.”
DM: …What’s your Wisdom?
Aliarra: 17.
DM: Oh, okay.

They review the pantheon thoughtfully, while Aiden explains the pantheon to the others to the best of his ability. Aliarra realizes that the god of magic IS Kalroth.

Aliarra: “All right, guys. Hear me out on this. Kalroth is the god of magic, meaning there is no god of magic. If we give Kalroth’s power to an existing god, then we could overbalance the entire thing. So we need to make a new god of magic –“
Cissy: “I volunteer me!”
Aliarra: “Who’s up for promoting Denelos?”

Silence… then grudging approval from a few sources, namely Cissy and Mrrshala.

Aiden: “Giving a mortal that kind of power… I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but anyone could be corrupted by that much power.”
Aliarra: “It’s true, anyone could. But I’m kinda thinking, of all of our choices, who else are we gonna put up? We can’t let it sit.”
Aiden: “The izual knew Denelos was with us. If it was important for him to be here, he’d be here. So it’s obvious there’s a reason he’s not.”
Aliarra: “That’s not necessarily true. The izual just wanted to show us where this place was. Now it’s okay, we know that, we have the power to do something with it. What do we do?”
Cissy: “Izual? If we promote Denelos into god form—“
Aiden: I don’t think it’s that easy!
Cissy: He’s the Izual of diviniation, that means he knows the future.
Aliarra: That doesn’t mean he’s going to tell us.
DM: “I have seen that outcome. It is an interesting one.”
Aiden: “He saw the outcome of Denelos coming here.”
Aliarra: “Now’s the time when you, oh priest, start memorizing a couple of divination spells.”
Aiden: “I can do that!”
Aliarra: “And putting a couple of questions to your god, who hopefully will answer them… without bias.” Heh heh. ‘Should we give Denelos the power?’ ‘NO. Give it to me.’
Aiden: I asked him the three questions, here are the answers: ‘Give me the power, give me the power… I want a bagel.’
Cissy: My kind of god.

After pretending to be a Jewish god, the players consider what spells Aiden could prepare to be useful. The izual, in response to their speculation, informs them that the parts can be destroyed but only with power beyond that of mortals. He also cautions Aliarra about her long-term hiding place for the gloves, to her intense annoyance.

DM: In a blink, you watch as the izual blinks of existence. The moment it does so the necklace begins to tremble. Smoke starts spewing out. The sweet smell of tobacco fills the air. The smoke pours out of the ground, and begins to rise up. From the smoke – “WAAAAAAAH!” – jumps Denelos, his eyes aglow, his staff crackling with arcane energy. “WHO DARES MESS WITH MY SPELLS!”

The players get a chuckle out of this, while the DM threatens to zap them with ninth-level spells, but Denelos is truly angry! He immediately deflates when they tell him an izual was responsible. They swiftly clue him in!

Aliarra: “Well, Denelos, we have been considering what happens if we gain control of all of the parts. Knowing the location of this place would enable us to reassemble Kalroth’s power in a manner of our choosing rather than one of Drek’thelar’s.”
DM: “Aye, reassembling Kalroth would be beneficial. It would at least stop this madness from continuing.”
Aliarra: “It would put an end to it for all time. We just need to find something to give Kalroth’s power to. Or someone.”
Cissy: “I voted me!”
DM: “Of course you did, Cissy. Of course you did.”

They plot to return to here later and otherwise keep its location secret. Cissy, of course, had already placed an arcane mark in the library!

Cissy: “Lord Denelos, I wish to show you how to track my mark, that I set up!”
DM: “Let me see.”
Aliarra: Cissy takes a whiz, right there on the floor.
DM: “Aah, that’s disgusting.”
Aiden: But to his amazement, the pee is infused with magic essence.
DM: “Hmm. It’s magic lemonade!”

They try to read the first page of every book in the library to increase their skills by one, but for some reason this doesn’t work. Denelos whisks them away with his magic.

DM: Back in the Faldric empire you are. Reunited with your comrades!
Aliarra: I’m off to the church! I’ll be back.
Aiden: I am off to the church of Denerim.
Hanzo: I am off to the church of ninja.
DM: All right! The back alley.
Alirra: Boxes heah!
DM: Getcha boxes heah!
Hanzo: I need to restock.
Cissy: On boxes?
Hanzo: Boxes full of poisons, yes.
DM: Not even bottled. Just poison in the box. (miming throwing) Hope it’s contact poison!
Aliarra: Nope, ingested.
DM: Awww. “Say aaah, motherfuckers!”

A casual offhand remark makes everyone paranoid, and they start pairing up to go places out of fear of trap. Hanzo eyes the DM.

Hanzo: No, you’ve got that look. “Eh, it doesn’t matter, they’re gone.”

The DM cracks up, and together most of the group marches down the street towards the temple. A stareoff occurs for several seconds, which the transcriber is only aware of because someone mentions it, and WHY is completely beyond comprehension. The temple guards reveal that Faldoun is away to the north. They are, however, escorted in to retrieve the box Aliarra left behind.

DM: A sergeant looks up and says, “JUSTICAR ON THE GROUNDS!” They all stop, turn to you…
Hanzo: She is a Baroness after all.
Cissy: And may you forever remain barren…
Aliarra: Only gets stupider every time you say it.
DM: Everybody stops, turns, salutes. “COMMENCE!” And they all turn back.
Aliarra: “I didn’t ask for this!”
DM: “Ah! Aliarra!” (realizing what voice he’d used)Aaah, it’s Denelos!
Aliarra: What kind of a double life is he leading?!

Aliarra retrieves her box, which is not in another temple and doesn’t open automatically. The guard opens a vault to get it!

DM: The vault is full. It’s got weapons, and several kegs of liquor… Faldoun likes to party.
Aliarra: Some days, I question his priorities. Other days, I respect them immensely.

The gloves are there! Aiden attempts to steal them, despite not being there! Out of paranoia, Aliarra has her psion cohort use Object Reading to check back through past owners, although it engulfs her in its power and she has to be shaken awake. Still paranoid, Aliarra dons the gloves to check their power. A brief diversion of them being shredded by her armor spikes later, she slides them on!

DM: You feel… like you did before, last time you put them on. Not much, but you do feel a pull to the north. Will save!
Aliarra: Oh that’s bad. That’s why I said restrain me. 13.
DM: You. NEED. To get that heart. Man you wanna get that heart so bad.
Aliarra: Off to the north I go!
DM: Faldoun’s up there. You want to join up with him. Kick some ass and get that heart!
Mrrshala: No you don’t!
Hanzo: “Where’s she going!”
DM: Let’s get some grapple checks and some damage from the spikes, come on!

Efforts to ensnare Aliarra ensue! The person who succeeds on grappling her should surprise no one.

Mrrshala: Natural 20.
Aliarra: Mrrshala’s cheating again…
Mrrshala: I am not cheating!
Aiden: Look, if it were anyone else but Mrrshala—
DM: --I’d question it. But it’s not. Your mind clears, Aliarra, as the gloves are ripped from you!
Aliarra: Seriously, paralytic poison?
Aiden: It worked well on you once before, from that monster. You were the second person paralyzed!
Aliarra: Well I remember.
DM: …yells Aiden, from across the town.

Leaving some words of encouragement to the remaining followers of Faldoun, she attempts to seize a keg and head out.

DM: Meanwhile, at the church of Denerim—
Aliarra: (or rather, her phone) FATALITY.
Aiden: Anyways…
Aliarra: Sorry, Aiden…
Aiden: I talk to the other preachers. “I need to perform a communion with Denerim. Much has come up—“
Aliarra: (DRAMATIC STINGER)
Aiden: “GOD DAMN YOU ORGAN PLAYER! What did I tell you about that?!” “Sorry, I was just cleaning up!”
DM: “That’s what you get for stealing my lunch money! I remember!”
Aiden: “I have many questions that need answered.”
Aliarra: (ominous stinger)
Aiden: God damn it! Fuck you! I tried RP! That’s what I get! (wandering into the kitchen) Nope! This pie, going out the fucking window!

Hanzo wanders off to buy some ungol dust… no one is sure why, including Hanzo himself.

Hanzo: “What does that DO?”
DM: “I don’t remember.”
Hanzo: Is it even something I want to carry around?
Cissy: No, dude, it’s the dust of an ungol.
Aiden: It’s the D&D equivalent to Worcester sauce, it goes good on everything.
Hanzo: “I’ll take five bags of ungol dust.” And ten chocolate sundaes.

Hanzo purchases poisons, and then promptly runs into a box merchant…

DM: “How about the Pharoah’s Box of Mystery! Put the right combination in and poof! Something happens! I dunno, it’s a mystery!”

Hanzo refuses to buy the box of mystery until the box merchant throws in a small box for free. In the background, Aliarra sets up a tax shelter in her barony.

DM: Damn. Foiled by my own tax laws! “Two silver pieces. That’s all I want! Two silver pieces for this box and a free box. I don’t give free boxes out very often, sir!”
Hanzo: “How do you make money?”
DM: “Everybody, at one point in their life, needs a box.”
Hanzo: “So you’re the D&D container store.”
DM: “If a box is needed, I’ll be there!”

Hanzo finally ends up with the boxes, after which the box merchant explicitly tells him the combination. He opens it. It showers him with confetti.

DM: “…Surprise! I’m gonna die now, aren’t I. I did not expect you to open it up here, sir, so here are the two silver pieces back. Please do not murder me.”
Hanzo: (in an oddly strained voice) “The silver’s on me today.”
DM: …best character of the game is the fucking box merchant.

Hanzo discovers a slip of paper in the free box, and realizes what everyone else had figured out long ago: the box merchant was trying to get a message to him the entire time.

DM: It says, “Meet me at the pier tomorrow evening. M.B.”
Cissy: Marlon Brando?
Aliarra: Man-Boy.

The characters bunk for the night, and fall asleep. The End… except not really. Instead, they find themselves laboriously preparing a list of questions for the communion spell.

Aliarra: Question 1: Is Denelos a suitable choice to give the power of Kalroth to, from our viewpoint?
DM: I like how you’re wording them.
Aliarra: If we don’t specify that, whose viewpoint are we getting?
DM: Good point.
Aiden: “Is Denelos a good choice from YOUR viewpoint?”
Aliarra: “Fuck you give it to meeeeee”.

Questions about the ninjas leads to speculation about what would have happened had Hanzo truly betrayed them. At last, the players – mostly Aliarra – have the questions ready, and Aiden casts the spell!

DM: You close your eyes. The darkness that normally prevails when you close your lids breaks way to a pure white light. “Aaaaaaask.”
Aiden: Is – is it Deneros, that’s his name?
DM: You mixed Denerim and Denelos.
Aiden: Because right now, there’s an L and an O combined to form a B.
DM: That’s what you get for having Aliarra write them out.
Aiden: “Is Denelos a good choice to gain Kalroth’s power from our perspective?”
DM: “YES.”
Aiden: “Will the parts of Kalroth be safe if we keep all of them on our person?”
DM: “NO.”
Aiden: Is there a small Denerim just screaming out words when he speaks? “Will our plan to give a mortal Kalroth’s power proceed close enough to how we want it to that we would still want to do it if we knew how it would turn out?”
DM: “REPEAT THE QUESTION.”
Aiden: “Will our plan to give a mortal Kalroth’s power proceed close enough to how we want it to that we would still want to do it if we knew how it would turn out?” …that question is about as bloated as we come! I feel like there needs to be another period in there… and maybe a comma?
DM: You get a,” …YES?”
Aliarra: In less legalistic terms, if we do it, will we look back on it and say, “Fuck, we shouldn’t have done that.”?
DM: Oh, okay. What a weirdly worded question. So if he said yes, you WOULD look back on it poorly?
Aliarra: That’s why I worded it the way I did.
Aiden: Yes is a positive, no is negative.
DM: I’ll give you a yes.
Aiden: “Will the heart ever leave the north if we don’t go get it?”
DM: “NO.”
Aiden: “Is the knowledge of how to defeat the izual available to us in any form or from any source we have already encountered?”
DM: “NO.”
Aiden: “Does a means exist to use the parts of Kalroth without succumbing to madness or compulsion besides combining them all together?”
DM: “NO.”
Aiden: “Will pursing information regarding Moresh’s music box be of value worth the effort of pursuit?”
DM: (scoffing) “NO.”
Aiden: “Can the parts of Kalroth be destroyed without inviting catastrophe greater than –“
Aliarra: Greater than or equal to. I added in the ‘or equal to’ on further consideration.
Aiden: “Greater than or equal to the catastrophe we would destroy them to avoid?”
DM: “NO.”
Aiden: “Can the parts of Kalroth be rendered—“ (long pause) Dude. There’s a lot of letters in here I can’t even recognize.
Aliarra: Unrecombinable!
DM: Is that a word?!
Aliarra: I don’t care, Denerim knows what we’re talking about!
Aiden: I think this question mark is about the word and not the sentence…
DM: “DID YOU MEAN UNCOMBINABLE?”
Hanzo: The god circumvented the yes/no rule just to point out your grammar faux pas…
DM: “NO. GLORY TO THE SUN.” 2:01:30
Aiden: “Praise to Denerim.” (pause) I MEAN PELOR! WOOOOOO!
DM: That’s a 100d8 fire blast…

Aiden attempts to suicide, having done his priestly duty. Aliarra mimes stabbing herself in the stomach.

Aliarra: What? That wasn’t suicide, there was a guy who lives in there. “Whyyyyyyy…”
Aliarra and DM: Quaid…

The group finds themselves confronted with the question of what do with the parts, since they seem completely unable to find a safe way to keep them. They head back to the Mages’ College, smashing Denelos’s domino castle in the process. Aiden still doesn’t know the difference between Denerim and Denelos. They quickly fill him in, and beg him for aid against the izual.

Aliarra: “Also, this one’s rather important… we believe the best way to solve this whole problem is to give a mortal Kalroth’s power and elevate them to godhood.”
DM: “Mmm, yes, they could become a vessel for the lord.”
Aliarra: “I trust your advice… who do you think would be a good person to give it to?”
DM: “Mmm, my. Who would be good? Lanvailen of the elves would be a good candidate… Several wizards here could avail of it themselves… I’ll get you list.”
Aliarra: “Well, that was just a formality, to see if you’d put yourself on the list, in which case it would have been a bad idea—“
Aiden: Really?! That was where my mind was going – she’s doing that bullshit where you ask the person who should get the power, the person of course does not name themself, thus making them worthy of the power. Really? You should be writing movies for Hollywood. Fucking scum!
DM: You hack!
Aliarra: It’s a good idea… (laughing herself silly)
Aiden: You should feel dirty, Aliarra. You should feel dirty!
Mrrshala: Aliarra doesn’t know HOW to feel dirty.
Aliarra: What was YOUR idea, then?
Aiden: I don’t write for Hollywood, that was my idea!
Aliarra: “Anyway, we’ve all decided on you. Congratulations.”
Aiden: Denerim said it was good, that was all I needed. Praise Denerim. Praise the sun!
DM: “I just… wow. The pieces do kind of fit together, but wow. Let me give it some thought.”

Aliarra and Denelos threaten each other back and forth for a while. Aliarra, explicitly and in so many words, drags Pan back into the adventure. Pan, of course, is not paying attention in the slightest, despite a minute of attempting to signal him.

Aliarra: My Little Pony.
Pan: Hey!
DM: Why did THAT get your attention?!
Aliarra: (laughs herself to tears)

They arrange to get some scrolls of teleport from the mage’s college, all the while lampshading the fact that they are the heroes responsible for saving the world and yet they still need to buy stuff out-of-pocket.

Aliarra: We’re gonna go to the final battle, we’ll be two steps from Moresh, he’ll be standing there with the heart in his hands cackling at us, and there’ll be some merchant there like, “Yeah! Gimme ya money!”
Pan: He’s confident in your victory.
Aiden: We already know what merchant will be there waiting for us. Neko, the price-gouging cat.
DM: And the box merchant.

For some reason, the discussions wanders to Warcraft, and how amazing Warcraft 2 was when you replaced all the sound files with Simpsons quotes. They quickly bring Pan up to speed on their goings-on, although Aiden decides to add his own twist…

Aiden: “But then the twist, Denelos will become an evil god and we’ll have to kill him—“
Aliarra: I specifically asked a question of Denerim to exclude that possibility!
Aiden: Hey, a twist! I said a twist!
Pan: (missing the joke) Wait a minute, are you saying we’re going to be up against a god?

They start discussing what ending they’re going to get, and what one they’re going to go for in the New Game+. Hanzo heads out to meet with the mysterious M.B.

DM: You make your way there, and eventually… (extremely long pause) you get… what the hell was I trying to say there? Anyway, you arrive at the piers.
Aliarra: Are they docky?
DM: Yes, very docky indeed.
Aliarra: Well, it is the dockest time of night.
DM: And we’re gonna dock you some experience points for that.
Aiden: One.

Looking around, Hanzo spots a familiar bowler under a street lamp. No one questions the street lamp for some reason. M.B. greets Hanzo courteously.

DM: You make your way down the dock. It is dark out. It is a moonless night.
Aliarra: Oh, it’s the dock side of the moon.
Aiden: God damn it, Aliarra!
DM: How do you instantly come up with that?
Aliarra: I came up with it some time ago, I was waiting for a chance to use it.
DM: So you catalogue these fucking jokes!
Aiden: I just imagine Aliarra every night just sitting there… “Oh, I can’t wait to use that one!” Writing them in this big book of Aliarra puns.

The game abruptly gets extremely confused, as no one is quite sure which of the two wanted to talk to the other. Hanzo receives a symbol of death in his home tongue!

Aiden: How much is his life worth?
DM: 500,000 gold.
Aiden: Holy shit! Do not show that to us!
DM: You guys are assholes.
Aliarra: Do you realize how much useful shit we could buy with that money?!
Aiden: We could save the world!
Hanzo: It’d be the most useful thing I did for you guys.
Aliarra: We could turn you in and then help you escape.
Hanzo: Ah, the Wookie Prisoner thing.

M.B. promptly burns the scroll as a statement of where his loyalties lie.

Hanzo: “That’s a lot of money that just went up in smoke.”
DM: “They can kiss my arse. If aiding them helps them succeed in what I think they’re doing, I won’t be making any money after that.”

The DM promptly declares that he’ll take the next offer of one million gold. M.B. alerts Hanzo to a splinter group of his clan. Aiden wonders what his bounty is on Cat Island. M.B. offers what aid he can.

DM: “If you want, I can send some feelers out into the underground.”
Aiden: We can call in our best feeler: Aiden. He’s been out of the business for years. Took his job a little too seriously.
Aliarra: We had to explain it wasn’t literal.
Aiden: I love Aiden’s past.

Hanzo wraps up the conversation, while Aiden bemoans their inability to take out bad loans. The rest of the night passes swiftly, and they ready themselves to go to the north

DM: Ignir steps up. “I don’t think it’s necessary for me to ask any more, but may I come?”
Aliarra: Who are you again?
Hanzo: “I wouldn’t go without you.”
Aliarra: You wouldn’t remember if we hadn’t.
DM: And a face you haven’t seen in a long time. “I would like to come as well!” The face of Carrick, the mage who hired you in the first place.
Aliarra: (facepalms hard)
Hanzo: “I think she doesn’t want you to come.”
Aliarra: We forgot to get your hand fixed. Again.

Incredulous silence, followed by laughter.

DM: It’s all right! It’s very weak, it can only stop some of his attacks!

Denelos shows up conveniently and dissolves Hanzo’s hand, then remakes it. Graphically. Evil Dead and Vampire Hunter D comparisons are made.

Aliarra: Well. Glad I remembered that.
DM: The now-smoking wand he uses, he tosses away.
Aliarra: It impales Carrick in the eye socket.
DM: “Whoops, sorry about that Carrick.”
Aliarra: “I think we owe it to give Carrick a chance to redeem himself in his own eyes.”
DM: “Thank you.”
Aliarra: “Of course that’s only my opinion.” (a pause) “But no one else is voicing one, so I assume it carries the day.”

At last, they are ready to go off to the north! They will be teleporting to the Southern Shores, where Faldoun as his base camp. Wrath of the Lich King comparisons are explicitly made.

Aliarra: Man, I can’t WAIT to meet some Tuskarr.
DM: “Visit again, when you can.” Man, those guys are awesome.

Aiden wanders off on a tangent complaining about Doomgaze from Final Fantasy VI. The world blackens around them and they find themselves in the really cold-ass north!

DM: You are standing in a snowy field. Off in the distance, you see what seems to be a stone fort in the middle of being built.
Aiden: Or in the middle of being destroyed.
Hanzo: If by destroyed you mean placing the stones on top of other stones…
DM: Dismantling it brick by brick.
Hanzo: Welp, that’s your brethren over there.
Aliarra: We hope. Is there a flag?
DM: Yes.
Aliarra: What flag is it?
DM: The Faldric Empire flag.
Aliarra: Is it upside-down?
DM: No!
Aliarra: Is it on fire?
DM: No.
Aliarra: Has it been desecrated?
DM: No!
Aliarra: Just checking! What am I missing?
Hanzo: I disbelieve the flag.
Pan: Is the flag secretly a pie?
Hanzo: Is it a mimic?

They march thataway! The DM makes much show of calling for Fortitude saves to resist cold, until cold-weather gear is produced and Endure Elements spells are cast. A sentry greets them! Cissy snores loudly on the couch…

DM: “Be you friend – ALIARRA?!”
Aliarra: “Does that answer your question?”
DM: “JUSTICAR! On the grounds! Open the gates!”
Aliarra: “I never asked for this!”

The DM continues to play up Aliarra’s rank. Aiden explicitly compares her to Master Chief.

DM: She’s a member of the church who’s done a lot, and there’s a lot of stories being told.
Aliarra: If this were a fort of Denerim, they’d be just as welcoming of you, I assume.
Mrrshala: And if I were home with my tribe…
Hanzo: Meow, meow!
Aiden: And if this were a cat fortress, it’d be just the opposite. “Holy shit!”
DM: The Groper returns!
Aliarra: The Devourer!

Into the camp they go, to tell Faldoun of their plans! They reluctantly admit they’d communed with Denerim, not Skeldric, though Faldoun doesn’t seem angry.

Aiden: You somehow commune with your god, it’s just, “Give me the power.” You ask him a question, “Give me the power.” “This is supposed to be yes or no questions!” “Give me the power. I decide what the answers are, and the answers are, give me the power!”
Hanzo: The whole time, Skeldric was actually Skeletor.

They explain the plan to Faldoun, and enlist his help in talking to Denelos if the archmage continues to hesitate. Aliarra still feels obligated to sell the plan, though.

Aliarra: “The heavens have been most supportive of this as probably the best of any of our choices.”
Aiden: It’s a pity the mortal didn’t know that up in heaven, it was… reverse day.
Aliarra: Isn’t Denerim LAWFUL?!
Aiden: He has to comply to the Overgod’s rules, and Reverse Day was the law!
Aliarra: But KALROTH was the Overgod! His dying wish as he was being split into multiple parts was… (weak voice) “…fuck… with… divinations…”

Faldoun takes them to the map to plan. Their ultimate goal is further north, on the road to the Shadowlands, but there’s much to do in the shorter term!

DM: “But for now, let’s drink, eat—“
Aiden: And then we’ll break out the Birthright battle board next week. We each must command a unit. Just kill off mine immediately, DM. I don’t pull cards right at all.
Hanzo: “I have bad news, Faldoun. It appears Aiden has run your acher unit aground, somehow.”
Aiden: “You were WALKING on it! How did you run aground?! You were already on it!”
Aliarra: Aiden’s like, “All right, you people are all under my command—he turns and sees every one of the people on fire for some reason.

Aliarra attempts to test Faldoun’s ability to hold his liquor… somehow it turns into her killing her way to the top of the church hierarchy. With that, the game comes to an end, as the PCs ready themselves for a fight next session!