It’s been a heck of a time for our gaming group. After some liberal and unjustified towing, the game has moved venues to a new basement, and also swapped laptops for reasons that are unrelated to the towing! Feeling inspired, a DM has elected to put together a campaign set in the world of Eberron, which the group has been taking ideas from but not particularly using otherwise for some time. This morally dubious group of PCs, about sixth level, consists of:

Leonarus: A Karrnathi cleric/Bone Knight, one of the “society over the individual” Lawful Evil types. With a level of Ordained Champion, melee-focused.
Goruza: An unarmed swordsage, and possibly the only Good character in the group.
Warwick: A rogue/psion/Master of Masks, using a modified version of the prestige class that doesn’t suck.
Vox: Another roguish sort who manages somehow to not be with the group pretty much the entire game. Also a changeling.
Gilbert: An armed swordsage, who’s a little stupid!
Tristan: A stealthy figure who likes to slay, if you know what I mean.

DM: For reasons, personal or otherwise—
Leonarus: REASONS!
DM: You find yourself on a skyship, heading to Breland. (pronouncing it BREE-land)
Warwick: Land of cheese.
DM: The city of Sharn.
Warwick: Sharp cheddar, what?
DM: Sharn, also known as the City of Towers—
Warwick: Towers of cheese!

Everyone pauses to yell at Leonarus and the game is immediately derailed. The ship lands at the top of the towers, and the established group of Leonarus, Warick, and Goruza step off first. The group describes themselves!

Warwick: I got a leather trenchcoat going on, a little top hat, and just a plain blank mask.
Leonarus: For my own sake, I wear a thick cloak which covers my otherwise-Intimidating armor.
Warwick: BOOOOONEST—wait, AAAARMOR!
Leonarus: I literally get a +4 Intimidate bonus because of that armor.
DM: As you get off the boat you start heading off the platform. You see ahead of you other passengers are being questioned, and you’re told to stand aside a moment by the city guards. As that group moves away, you three are waved up. “Welcome to Sharn. I just have a few questions for you.”
Leonarus: “Speak them.”
DM: “Why have you come to the city of Sharrn? Business or pleasure?”
Leonarus: “Business.”
DM: “What business, may I ask?”
Leonarus: “I serve the nation of Karrnath. I am here on their orders.”
DM: “And your comrades, are they with you?”
Tristan: Are you a warforged psilon?
Leonarus: Warforged PSILON? “I’m creative!”
DM: “Just be aware we’ve had some interesting troubles as of late, a lot of people have gone missing. We’re trying to lock down what’s going on, but things are getting more hectic. One or two people have gone missing every month, but as of late the numbers have gone up to ten. We’re asking everyone who comes to town to be extra careful. Watch the curfew. I suggest you find yourself a tavern as a first goal, then proceed with your business. Other than that, unless you have any questions, you can move along.”

They move along! Vox is up next, and is approached by the guard.

DM: “Welcome to Sharn, what’s your business here, sir?”
Vox: “Pleasure.”
Tristan: (finding this hilarious) Pleasure is my business!
DM: “Seeing a friend or family member?”
Vox: “Friend.”
DM: “They got you a place to stay?”
Vox: “Yes.”
DM: “Excellent. Make sure you play it safe, we got a lot of missing people here, don’t need to add you to the list.”
Vox: “Thank you.”
DM: Gilbert, you too are approached by the guard and he too asks what your business or pleasure here.
Gilbert: …actually, I haven’t come up with a background for my guy.
DM: …that’s okay, he’s pretty basic.
Vox: International Man of Mystery!
Tristan: Gilbert comes off the airship naked!

The DM spends a bit explaining a little of the setting, along with the adventure hook – the city guard is looking for a group who will venture into the worse lower levels of the city to search for the missing people. Vox heads out for the Toothless Spirits Inn to meet a contact of his, while Leonarus suggests to his comrades that they take this mission to earn regard in the city along with wealth.

DM: Vox, you find yourself at the Toothless Spirits Inn. You’ve worked with this contact before… Jason Ironmark, and he says he has some information about the person you wish to speak to. Upon entering the bar, you don’t see him, though. This is around the time you agreed to meet. Maybe he’s running a little late. The place isn’t too busy right now. With the scare going on business has dried up a little. The bartender, a few other brave souls, maybe some visitors are here at the tavern.
Vox: I go sit at a table in the corner, with my back to a wall so I can watch the door, and I’m gonna watch to see if he shows up.
DM: Gilbert, you’ve heard the mystery’s afoot! Missing characters, monsters in the dark! Does it interest you?
Gilbert: Yes it does, because it gives me characters to practice my techniques on.

Everyone else piles into the job board, where they would sign up for the mission and get keys to the lower city. Their welcome is enthusiastic…

DM: “Ah! Yes! Finally! A noble group of adventurers here to save us!” A strange, short little man walks up to you and proceeds to grab your hand and shake it vigorously, each of you. “Thank the heavens. Powerful warriors here to save the town. Please, please, let me get you the – paperwork! We can get this started!” You don’t really get a chance to speak up as he rushes behind the counter and gets a copy of the key.
Leonarus: “You speak with much haste and much assumption. If I were a less charitable individual, I’d think you were trying to railroad us into taking this mission without even allowing us a moment of consideration.”
DM: “Well – d-don’t get me wrong, I mean – you’re the first people to come in through that door for the past five days! I haven’t seen anyone come in! No one’s willing to come into the office! So when I saw you guys come in, I was like, ‘thank you! Thank you, finally, people!”

The group gets a quick appraisal of the wealth that awaits the potential saviors, and it totals somewhere around 15,000 at least.

Tristan: “Who are the noteworthy amongst these missing persons?”
Leonarus: “I see you too speak slowly…” I’m not actually saying that.
DM: Welcome to the club!
Tristan: “I only enunciate most words to give weight to my speech… but also to bog down the game… roleplaying sessions will take place over the course of three years.”
Warwick: “ I also speak slowly. But with a bit of accent.”

The NPC explains a few things about the plot, such as that House members are going missing as well. The PCs anticipate shaking the Houses down for some more reward money, and agree to take the mission and work together.

Warwick: “If the coin is good.”
DM: “The coin is very good! See, sir?” He picks up a handful of gold and drops it on the counter.
Leonarus: Sleight of Hand, Warwick!
Tristan: (reaching for his die) It’s a sleight-off!
DM: To his dismay, one of the coins he puts to his mouth to prove that it’s real just happens to be a chocolate coin that some kid had thrown in there as a joke. “Oh no! This doesn’t happen all the time!”
Warwick: Natural 20, but 27 with Sleight of Hand.
DM: You are easily able to snatch up the small pile of coins.
Vox: What if I just slit his throat, took the money, and leave? And not care about the people?
DM: You’re not THERE, so…

Vox hears from the bartender that his contact is missing! He decides to go set off for the job board as well…

Vox: Before I leave, I’m going to lay down my gold coin to pay him.
Warwick: Every thief in the bar has their eye on you. One’s going, “Burglar my nurglar, shurglar.”
Vox: 26 on my Sleight of Hand to snatch it back before he notices.
Leonarus: What was the POINT, then?!
Vox: The point was to let him know I paid for my drink!
Leonarus: Except you declared you were snatching it back before he noticed.
Vox: Oh.
Warwick: You were like, “Well here’s you payment!” and the guy was like, “Oh that’s nice.” I don’t think he’s just gonna walk away from it…
Vox: Fine, fine! Fine!
Warwick: I appreciate what you were going for…
Vox: I just wanna steal something!

Back at the job board, the group steps away to briefly discuss, only to have the board guy lean in and try to listen fairly overtly. Leonarus shoves him away with a palm to the face. Vox describes himself as so nondescript that the DM accuses half of the part of being Sidereal Exalted, who can’t be remembered once attention gets off them.

DM: I want your whole party to be like that, so no one remembers who anyone is the moment they turn around before combat starts. At the end of every combat is a meet-and-greet. Again. “It’s great to have other adventurers down here!” You guys go, another battle. “Oh thanks for the help, friend! Who are you?”

The group continues to discuss their appearances, considering just what image they present.

Goruza: I’m in a hood, silk slippers, silk pants, silk shirt… like a monk.
DM: You just described a woman who just ran out of her house in her pajamas.
Goruza: Yeah!
Leonarus: And you’re in the mysterious skulking cloak?
DM: Is anyone wearing normal clothes?!

Vox wanders into the scene but openly refuses to join the rest of the PCs on the adventure! Instead, he interrogates the NPC as to the whereabouts of his contact.

DM: “Ah yes! January 5th!” Wait, that’s not – I can’t say that date. I need to look up the months again… “Twenty days ago! Twenty days ago, he was reported missing. “That’s when he was reported missing right here… huh, it doesn’t say who reported him missing. Normally it says who reported it…”

The NPC consults the Yellow Pages to give Vox the information he wishes, giving him the spiel about the job as he does. Vox heads for his contact’s house, while with the group, Leonarus finally asks the names and skills of the PCs he doesn’t know in the backstory.

Leonarus: “Although you, fellow, I assume your skill lies with that weapon you’re carrying.”
DM: “No, I’m a bard.” He pulls out his sword, it’s like a guitar.
Leonarus: “It really cuts the hell out of my fingers when I play it, though.”
DM: He’s a Blood Bard.
Leonarus: Every riff costs him five hit points, but it’s epic.
Gilbert: “I am Gilbert, and I am training to become a master of the ways of the swordmage. I think it’s swordsage? Swordsage.”
Goruza: “Really.”
Leonarus: “I am Leonarus. I am a Bone Knight of Karrnath.”
DM: (tittering) I didn’t hear that. I heard, “I am Leonardo. I am the leader…” I’m sorry!
Tristan: Michelangelo is a party dude!
Gilbert: “And you guys are?”
Lenoarus: I JUST introduced myself!

By weird coincidence, Leonarus has the same last name as someone Tristan knows. The DM is perplexed by the coincidence as well, and they share a mutual shrug. The group marches on towards the locked entrance towards the lower areas, inspiring hushed commentary and stares from the populace. Elsewhere, Vox wanders into his contact’s home easily and starts picking a safe lock… poorly.

DM: You feel like you almost had it. But not quite. The last tumbler just didn’t quite make it.
Leonarus: You can take a 20…
Warwick: Aww man, that means we gotta sit here for like twenty minutes, try and hold a conversation.
DM: It’s a LONG climb down. You guys are in for the long haul.
Vox: I’m gonna take a 20.
Leonarus: You look up, there are about seven guards watching you. They clap politely when you get it.
DM: You open it up. You find a few small bags of money, a small leather-bound book, a few scrolls, a couple pictures…

Vox cheerfully pockets everything, The other group has reached the lower slumlike levels, but their destination is lower, in the sewers, so they set out finding someone they can get to talk. Warwick’s Gather Information check finds out that people are missing down here as well, taken by shadows which move on their own and drag people into darkness. He also annotates their map!

DM: You might be the only one who can sort of understand the map at this point, since you’re the only one who remembers how each of the notes went down. Anyone else might find it almost illegible.
Warwick: Plus every note is written in Thieves’ Cant. “If we shurglar over her to this particular point, we might be able to nurglar over here…”
Leonarus: “I WARNED you about that…”
DM: Making your way down the street, you reach probably the most ominous-looking corner you’ve seen in your adventures in a long time. It’s as if light itself has stopped before it reaches this hole. Blackness almost seems to pour out of it.
Leonarus: “How deep in do you think we’ll need to go?”
DM: Based on the maps, you don’t have to go too deep to get to the primary sewers. The sewers themselves aren’t maze-like, as it were, it’s pretty straightforward. They all go to the central hub, it’s a good place to start. Taking any of the side tunnels could just get you lost, and a lot of them are boarded up by people who have made houses out of them.
Warwick: Sewers… hmm. I turn away from the group… Flame mask goes off. Mask of Sweet Air goes on.
Leonarus: Toad demons everywhere!

Peering through the shadows, they discern a round steel door leading downwards. Once they lift the door, the shadow seems to escape into the hole, returning light to them. They hop down into the sewers, spend a long time debating what source of light to produce, and finally crack a sunrod to proceed. The DM calls for Listen checks!

Leonarus: Ah, poor, 12. I can’t hear anything over my intense sense of self-satisfaction.
DM: The steel door above you has slid into place and almost slammed shut. The sound of a stomp, almost. “Huh. More adventurers for the pit. Dumb fools.” You hear somebody stomping off.

On they head down the tunnel, passing horrid sewer wildlife – and then the DM calls for both a Reflex save and the touch AC from Leonarus, prompting his horrible bitter laughter. Tendrils of shadow begin pulling him into the wall! Goruza seizes him and with her traditional high rolling, yanks him right free again, as he fires a knife into the thing.

Vox: She will not roll anything else, as she rolls two 20s in a row now.
Goruza: Can I use Mighty Throw to throw him out of the wall?
DM: His strength wanes under the last attack and his grip releases, and the shadow itself seems to pour back into the wall. The two knives that were launched into it stop at the wall and embed themselves slightly into it as the shadow vanishes. Who was in the back?
Tristan: Me, of course…
DM: Give me a Reflex!

Tristan leaps free of the tendrils with a Jump check and a terrible roll on their behalf, and then shadows boil out of the walls and floor, taking human form!

DM: “Those who come to the darkness will die in the darkness!”
Tristan: “Eject! Operation: Subterfuge!”

Initiative time! Five shadows have emerged, and Warwick is up first!

Warwick: While no one’s looking… Mask goes off, Dragon Mask goes on, and I breathe a cone of fire! And I can not use that for another…. Fucking four rounds.

Goruza easily dodges, because her rolling method for a d20 is 1d4+16, after which Leonarus fires a knife into it.

Leonarus: A 22 to dismiss it with my longsword!
DM: (pausing) What’s dismissal, is that for like summoned creatures—
Leonarus: No, I’m hitting it, by which implication I will be killing it.
DM: Oh. I thought you were casting Dismissal!
Leonarus: That was a metaphorical dismissal.
DM: A 22 does not hit.

The DM returns vicious attacks! That all miss! Gilbert steps up, fires a Fan of Flames at a shadow, and rolls 25! No one can believe that Gilbert just did that!

DM: You’re not Gilbert at all, it’s an alien. You have done more health in this campaign than all others combined. Now roll your damage.
Gilbert: It won’t happen again.

The shadows and the heroes trade blows, or rather the shadows try to grapple and pretty much fail. Leonarus taunts them by patting his shield, indicating all their blows will hit it, and is mostly accurate. Tristan stabs a dude!

DM: He turns around, having taken two stabs. When you went to stab him, pulling off your clean hit, you almost felt like your knives slipped into a person.
Warwick: Are they wearing like a cloak or something…
Tristan: Is there blood on my blade?
DM: None that you can see, but you definitely smell the iron scent of blood.
Leonarus: These are the people we’re trying to rescue, they’ve been overcome by the shadows.
DM: Nope. Nope. I don’t need to get angry about this! Don’t need to close no books.

The attention abruptly shifts back to Vox, back on the surface!

DM: You are sort of stomping about, you have the map you went and picked up, you’d made your way pretty quickly down. Someone said, “Oh, another adventurer. Maybe you should join the others!” very sarcastically, and through sarcasm and general mischief you’ve somehow managed to find your way to the grate. Give me a Listen check.
Vox: 20.
DM: You can barely hear the sound of a flame bursting out of something, a slight rumbled.
Leonarus: Man, you used fire in the sewers, you live dangerously.
DM: A burst of wind from the grate in front of you, where they’d pointed out the last grate. The grate seems to shift.
Vox: I’m going to pop the gate and start making my way…

Vox creeps sneakily, and thus slowly, towards the fray. Which we turn our attention back to!

Warwick: The guy in front of me… he and I are both directly in the pathway of the alleyway we came out of?
DM: The one that attacked you jump from down below to try to get you, he landed back in it.
Warwick: How deep is that pit?
DM: Five feet.
Warwick: Is there a wall nearby?
DM: Behind your back.
Warwick: I’d have to try to go around.
DM: Or you can jump over him!
Warwick: Now we’re getting into a little more effort.
DM: But you have the high ground, Warwick! Come on!
Tristan: That’s +10 to everything, or +20 to decapitate.
DM: To take off two legs and an arm… come on, Warwick!

Warwick uses Energy Push on the shadow he faces, blasting him back and slamming him into a wall. The shadow faces Leonarus angrily tries to rip his shield off and toss it away, to Leonarus’s bafflement, but it fails before the DM has to explain how this works, and Leonarus whacks the shadow to dissipation anyway. Goruza gets grappled!

DM: You begin to feel yourself getting pulled down, as it grapples you and begins to pull you into the very darkness. But it’s not over yet. Gilbert, one of your comrades has been pulled into a side-alley and is beginning to sink into the very ground!
Gilbert: Okay, I’m going to walk to her…
Warwick: (casual humming, as if on a jaunty stroll)
Gilbert: Casually and nonchalantly. I’m gonna try to – am I able to hit that creature easily? I might as well augment it with Bonecrusher…

He again hits for a powerful blow, to everyone’s surprise. A person falls out of it, landing nearby as the shadow bursts! They continue to wail on the shadow creatures, till at last the DM calls for Fortitude saving throws. Debris goes flying, and the room fills with light and smoke! A final foe flees the room in the wake of this blast, zipping past Vox’s hiding spot… though he still refuses to present himself to the group. With the hour growing late, the game ends here!

DM: The shadows have attacked, and you have succeeded, regardless of their HIGH EXTRA GRAPPLES AND CRAP! Now, 18! 20! 13! Before it was like 6… 3…