With the permanent addition of a NEW PLAYER TO THE MIX, a new character is generated for the game! Larsis playing a Whitecloak (Cleric 3/Inquisitor 3), which will surely go well for all concerned. The game opens with really cheap jokes about the spell “geas”.

Falgrim: You turn people gay.
Lars: I was thinking ‘gaze’.

The conversation turns into yelling about vampire monks, as it somehow inevitably always does.

Inferian: “Last time, on Dragon Ball Z…”
DM: Yes, as you all recall, you fought a desperate battle—
Calinai: That lasted nine episodes long.
DM: 8 episodes of which were you bantering back and forth with the army.
Inferian: “Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?”
DM: It’s upside-down, Nappa.
Inferian: “What, you mean it’s not 0006?”

Abridged series aside, the DM recaps their prior battle, noting his own bafflement at their success in saving the kids who the half-men were so intent on seizing. Calinai looks up rules on her familiar snake.

DM: Lars, you began wandering to the east, which brought you to the borders of Amadoria and eventually crossing the border into Ilian. Not long ago the gathering for the calling of the Hunt of the Horn took place, that’s pretty much on the lips of every peasant and layabout in each town you’ve passed. As you reach the city in your wandering, word begins to circulate more and more of the coming of, depending on who you’re speaking to, either the Dragon or the False Dragon, who proclaimed himself somewhere in the north, on the road to Noldor. And you’ve taken it into your head that this person would be much a person of interest in the scheme of things as you intend to make it. You set off following the trail of rumors, which at last notice put them in the capital city of Noldor. Long before you reach the capital however, you hear tell of a very strange departure from the city. It was some sort of fantastical mechanical halfling device which sped them westward from the cit at incredible velocity. Word has it they were traveling to a very small back country at the very edge of the kingdom, for reasons unbeknownst to any, and you decided to cut cross-country in hopes of picking up their trail much further along. You eventually found yourself in a village – very small village, but a very quaint one, full of the rustic country folk that you hope to rule over one day and bring into the Light.
Lars: Well GOLL-LY!
DM: Upon inquiring at the village’s inn you discover that the group of individuals you seek left with three of the village’s youths up into the mountains, where the ruins of the old kingdom were said to lie. So after a brief stay you set out in pursuit. As night fell you became aware of – you became aware of a text. (checking his phone)
Lars: “Very strange.”

The text is from Calinai, who was being bad. The DM accuses her of pulling ‘a real Inferian move’ by sending it.

DM: As night fell and your travels took you through the woods bordering on the slope of the mountains, you immediately had to rely on one of your silence spells to shield you from, although you’ve never seen them before, what you can only assume are shadowspawn. Large, generally between six and a half and seven feet tall, black-mailed creatures that have the bodies of men but horribly intermixed with those of animals, like swine, birds… You know what they look like.
Calinai: The village from Willow!
Lars: This is more of a mutated version of… BIIIIIIIIRDMAAN!
DM: As you sneak across the periphery of where they’re encamped you become aware of the sounds of pitched battle. As you draw near you can see the horde of shadowspawn pulling back from the cliff face, apparently beaten back. They begin to withdraw into their own camp, and you can see up above where the bodies of some kind lay broken in a crevice. Apparently part of the cliff gave way…

Lars clambers up the slope, while at the top the rest of the group enters slightly into the ruins they’d discovered. Calinai is a dick who bounces a pencil on the microphone,

Inferian: What’s close to us for defensible position and shelter?
DM: Well, as you begin looking around for such a thing, young… uh.
Inferian: Nastyman.
DM: Young Matt tries to get your attention and points out what is one of the only remaining fully-intact buildings. It’s over a bridge in the center of the city that runs over…

Mat takes them to what amounts to be a cathedral. This is pretty much their only options for shelter, so they move to set up camp within it.

Falgrim: What do my dwarven senses detect?
Inferian: There’s no beer, your dwarven senses are useless!

Lars clambers up the slope, noting specifically that he is not openly wearing Whitecloak symbols or raiment, and immediately stumbles on the remnants of the battle. He spies the party in the distance, just as they enter into the cathedral. They step into a large central hall with a floor mosaic.

Inferian: “Falgrim… this mosaic… this is probably paranoia on my part, but this mosaic could easily conceal a trapdoor passage. I trust your dwarven senses are best suited among us to discern it.”
DM: Hee hee, every time you walk into a building from now on. “Falgrim! I need you to do things!” One stinking trap, ONE stinking trap in the entire dungeon and it’s going to be a running gag! You know, Inferian has his vampire monks and his Staff of the Magi-snapping awnshegh, Falgrim has his awesome…
Falgrim: Worgen.
DM: Yeah. Calinai has ED-209—
Calinai: Damn straight I have ED-209.
DM: I’ve got… a spike trap. That’s my claim to fame so far in this campaign. Out of everything I’ve thrown at him, spike trap. Ended up doing 6 damage to him and I still haven’t heard the end of it. Like, a first-level character could’ve survived it.
Calinai: We can’t remember all his traps ‘cuz frickin’ Inferian sends so many traps after us, his frickin’ Trapway of Death…
DM: Yeah, but we never learned. Seems I throw one trap on you and all of a sudden I cast a curse of doom on you.
Inferian: To be fair, I just remembered that you had a rogue in your party, I DIDN’T remember that he had no ability to detect and disarm traps. I would not have made the entire “Path of Trials” thing if I had remembered that.

Falgrim searches! He finds… a mosaic. It is very pretty and not doomed. They continue to check behind wall-hangings, but find only dust. Lars comes through the door behind them, coming face-first into the arrayed weapons of the mook army.

Lars: “Do I look like a god-damned trolloc to you, son? I’m not here to pick a fight”
DM: Are you gonna be Billy Dee Williams?! Is that gonna be your persona for this? Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it.
Calinai: Is he talking to us, now?
Inferian: Unfortunately, yes.
Lars: “I’m not here to pick a fight. I’m here because I’m searching for something. Is there one of you among you who names yourself…”
Inferian: Inferian?
Lars: “Inferian?”
Calinai: “The Dragon Master!” “The Dragon Master!” “The Dragon Master…”
Falgrim: “God, don’t say his name out loud in front of these…”
Sioneva: “DOVAHKIIN!”
Calinai: You can be in the wrong game.
DM: Benar quite pompously says, “Yes! You bask in the presence of the Light Incarnate, the lord Dragon! Be who you?”
Inferian: “…who be you.”
Lars: “Some call me… Lars?”
Calinai: (whimpering) I can’t take his voice seriously…
DM: “State your business, knave! What brings you into these mountains, to assail the lord?”
Calinai: “I thought we discussed this. We calm down…”
DM: “That was in town!”
Calinai: “This causes problems.”
DM: “Problems? He is but one man!”
Inferian: “You have to admit it is a bit odd for someone to have ventured out here and arrived, at this precise moment, looking for us.”
Calinai: “It’s understandable. I’m mostly talking about the general situation. We can’t let you go out of control now, ‘cuz when the bad times come…”
DM: You should’ve thought of that before he enslaved all of them.
Calinai: “I didn’t see it coming… I didn’t see it coming, mysterious voice that came from down high!”
Inferian: Uh-oh, Calinai’s talking to that weird spot on the ceiling again.
Falgrim: Time to knock her out.
Inferian: It’s just soot, I’m telling you!
Calinai: Please don’t rape me when I’m asleep…
Inferian: “If there’s one thing a Whitecloak can’t resist, it’s an unconscious female.”
Calinai: Is that what they’re known for? The Church a la King George?
DM: Yeah, that would jump us right into Game of Thrones territory.
Inferian: “Time to show you my proficiency in my long sword.”
DM: Plus one! Plus two!
Lars: Plus three! Ah ah ah!
DM: Sorry, I’m usually a +15…
Inferian: I don’t want any consequence from this, so I’ll use my Weapon of Timely Withdrawals.
Calinai: …I focus all my spellcasts into a Dimension Door to hell, it might be a safer place.
Inferian: You end up right where you started.
Calinai: “As he said, it seems curious that you came looking for us.”
Inferian: “Well, you’ve found me. What do you want with me?”
Lars: “I need to look into your eyes. I need to know if you are truly the Dragon, or just another false prophet.”
Calinai: “Don’t – calm down, Benar, calm down!”
DM: He’s pretty much foaming at the mouth.

Lars intends to use his Inquisitor powers to force Inferian’s truthfulness, and incidentally everyone else’s he can get to, especially Falgrim and Sioneva.

Lars: Of course YOU’RE gonna believe you’re the Dragon. And of course YOU’RE gonna believe it because you’re the Sedai traipsing around the land.
Inferian: Boy is he naïve, to think that I believe it entirely.
Calinai: What do you mean ‘traipsing around’?! I’m here for my own purpose!
Lars: Of course, but you still believe he’s the lord Dragon.
Calinai: No….? Not any more than anyone else… I kinda don’t care. I’m a fucking Sedai.

They briefly discuss the nature of the spell and how many questions Lars would get off… before openly questioning if he’s overtly casting spells right in front of them.

Lars: “I understand that your band took out a band of Whitecloaks not too long ago, outside the city of Ilain.”
Inferian: “Yes, we did.”
Calinai: Oh, god damn it. It’ll never leave us.
Lars: “I thank you for that, those are not my brothers. But I wonder what prompted you to attack them.”
Inferian: “They were acting in a manner that ill-befitted any man, let alone one that represented an organization such as the Whitecloaks.”
Falgrim: “They were savagely beating some tinkers.”
Inferian: Harassin’ some tinkers.
DM: They were putting the boots to some of the traveling people out there.
Inferian: You’re indigent, we can stomp you! WE ARE THE ONE PERCENT!
DM: Yeah, the tinkers were Occupying Ilian. Hee heee… podcast, we need to be a podcast.
Inferian: Hitler, Hitler, dead baby, racist, racist dead baby.
DM: And none of that had come up at this table until I mentioned ‘podcast’.
Inferian: Yeah, we’re gonna stop that.
DM: We’re behaving in 2012.
Inferian: (derisive laughter)
Calinai: What’re you talking about? Every session. Hitler, dead baby, some kind of racial remark…

Remarks from old sessions are discussed; the DM blames alcohol. The group vows to never do a podcast owing to either the necessity of a ten-minute long disclaimer, or the constant threat of torches and pitchforks.

Inferian: We aren’t bad people. But we say very…
Inferian and Calinai: Very bad things.

As if to prove the point, Inferian immediately makes a joke too horrible to be transcribed. The DM attempts to sum up the group’s attitude.

DM: If you have it, we slur it.

The DM reveals that the Whitecloaks blamed their losses to the wyvern on the party, not the wyvern themselves. Inferian points out the only person they haven’t alienated so far is Swerengin, and that’s just because he hasn’t heard the whole ‘Dragon’ rumor.

Inferian: As soon as I bring good ol’ Benar to meet Swerengin: “Ho, dragon! Meet the REAL Dragon!”
Calinai: He’s staying out of town!

Lars and Inferian get into a brief debate on just how many Whitecloaks he’s responsible for killing.

Lars: “You wiped out thousands.”
Inferian: “Apparently I’m very busy in my sleep. All right, hey everybody, has anybody been wiping out Whitecloaks on the side and not telling the rest of us?”
Sioneva: “No.”
Calinai: “No, not recently. I don’t have that many spells…”
DM: “Not unless my lord Dragon commanded it!”
Inferian: “Falgr—“ (discovering Falgrim’s player has wandered off) “Get out of the kitchen, Falgrim! Where did you even find that kitchen?!”
DM: Haven’t you been in churches nowadays, they all have kitchens.
Inferian: His dwarven stonecunning told him the truth.

Lars finally gets around to casting zone of truth, then realizes he hadn’t put quite enough points in Sense Motive for his own liking. Inferian cheerfully notes that he has maxed-out Bluff.

Inferian: “I’m the King of Sweden. Let’s roll.”

Lars and Inferian rehash the details of exactly who slew how many again.

Lars: “I have no love for the tinkers. But I have no love for the Cloaks either.”
Inferian: “Out of curiosity, who DO you love?”
Calinai: Yeah, I was wondering that too… seems kinda weird.
Inferian: “What, not even your momma? I don’t like a man who doesn’t love his momma!”
Lars: “I’ve come to seek you out. I must know what happened. I must know the truth.”
Sioneva: “You can’t handle the truth!”
Lars: “Try.”

The party continues to banter about the past events of the campaign, while Lars questions where exactly he was going with this. He finally decides that he must travel by the side of this ‘Dragon’ to make a final decision from watching him.

DM: You don’t have to make a final arbitration here and now as to what your disposition to this group is.
Inferian: “Ah, who are we kidding. Roll for initiative.”
DM: All right, you‘re going to take on all seventeen of them!
Inferian: His god will protect him.
Falgrim: HOW THE FUCK DID HE WIN?! Fucking clerics, so broken!
Inferian: I’ve never rolled so many 1s in my life!
DM: Apparently you forgot to look at the house rules sheets I handed out, where it says clerics get a specific bread-and-butter bonus of +18 to damage.
Inferian: Against me. I don’t like these specific anti-Inferian house rules…

Lars requests to share their fire and camp this night. Inferian demands many pointless and meaningless tasks of him, such as lifting his hands, clapping, and extending his arms.

Lars: “What is the POINT of this?”
Inferian: “I was seeing how long you would do what I told you to before you started questioning. I got four commands out of him, so if that tells you guys anything…”
Calinai: That’d be awesome if we had a bet on that going on.
DM: I don’t think the rest of them would step in if you two decided to roll for initiative right now…
Lars: (looking over his sheet) What’s against your command ability? Like, my…
Inferian: What command ability? I’m not commanding you, I’m just telling you to do stupid shit to see if you’ll do it.
DM: Welcome to the group.

Calinai and Lars tend to the wounds of the party; the DM curses that the group isn’t working. Inferian chokes on his own voice for his character, making the group laugh at his pain and misery. Good memories of old campaigns are had as the DM relates tales of his own hazing to Lars. They then mock Falgrim for his insistent use on the power of the spider for every other purpose but its intended one. The group camps directly in front of the door, unwilling to risk the depths of the church while wounded and resource-deprived. Lars rolls a Listen check, but the DM is just screwing with him.

DM: The minions assigned to guard are occasionally murmuring to each other softly, but it’s not enough to…
Inferian: (whispering) “Watermelon watermelon. Peas and carrots peas and carrots. Our princess is in another castle.”
DM: But you’re easily able to get the two hours you require.
Inferian: “What’s this conversation? Can I get in on it?”
Lars: So I get my two hours of sleep… and then what?
DM: You can stay up the rest if you want, or you can actually choose to rest the night through.
Lars: Well, I’m in meditation, praying for my spells.
Inferian: Spend the rest of the night hitting on my female minions.
Calinai: Do you HAVE any female minions?
Inferian: I dunno, ask HIM.
DM: They’re a mix.
Lars: “Hey, ladies. Would you like some of Colonel’s chicken?”
Inferian: Original or extra-crispy?
Lars: Whatever you prefer.
DM: There are two mixed in, along with Sioneva and Calinai.
Inferian: You should totally hit on Sioneva and Calinai, that would go over swimmingly!
DM: Especially Calinai.
Lars: “I’m sorry, but I don’t mess with camp followers.”
DM: (through laughter) Roll for initiative!
Sioneva: Natural 20!
DM: An arrow catches him flat-footed even as the words leave his mouth!
Sioneva: No, this is the club. Subdual damage. You wake to find yourself spread-eagled in a doorway, with a fire built between your knees.
Inferian: Tattooed on your chest in runes of shame is “Follow This.”
Sioneva: And his sausage is lightly smoking.

One of the village boys attempts to wander off in the middle of the night, as is promptly restrained by a follower. Morning arrives, with plenty of unnecessary sound effects.

Inferian: I feel like Benar’s official title in my retinue should be “Loose Cannon”.
DM: Aaah, I hope he survives.
Inferian: Survives what? US?
DM: I hope he survives long enough to be an awesome NPC. He’ll be the opposite of Dirk.

Inferian vows to have minions with Thrallherd who have minions with Thrallherd into infinity. Lars rolls a 14 to cook… a continental breakfast in the wilderness. But he’s no Cheltenbourne. Inferian spends a moment and some throat tissue to demonstrate the difference between Inferian’s and Cheltenbourne’s voices. Lars still has yet to manage to cast Zone of Truth on anyone.

Inferian: If he casts Zone of Truth on me and I pass my save, I’m just telling him, “This statement is false.”
Lars: “AAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

With everyone awake, young Matt is chomping at the bit to explore. Falgrim proposes they chain him up, and no one immediately dissents… Lars asks what they’re looking for, to which the group is cagey. They do elect to give a brief summary of what they’ve encountered.

Inferian: “…Giant preying mantises… Gelatinous cubes… orc armies that mysteriously disappear… chokers – they exist…”
DM: Who disappeared?
Inferian: You remember the giant orc army that I thought was on the other side of the door because I botched my Listen check.

The group disperses somewhat, setting minions to guard their rear and the inside passages. Lars realizes that he’d botched his whole lie as ‘not a Whitecloak’ by referring to them as ‘my’ brothers, and hastily rolls a waaaaay late Bluff check to cover it up, which everyone immediately crushes with Sense Motive checks (25, 25, 23, and a natural 20). Falgrim heads outside to do a sweep of the grounds, with a ludicrous number of Search checks involved. He finishes, and then the group slowly advances forward to the altar at the far end of the cathedral. Lars makes small talk with Inferian’s followers, the first time anyone has done so in the course of the game. At a slow pace, they finally reach the ominously tomb-like altar.

Inferian: All right, let’s prepare in case of combat. Falgrim, if something shows up, you kill it.
Falgrim: All right.
Inferian: In one hit.
Falgrim: No problem.
Inferian: Calinai, you debate for about 15 minutes about what spell to cast, then finally end up using Fiery Burst.
Calinai: Okay.
Inferian: Benar, you go do something stupid and loose-cannony.
Falgrim: “YES DRAGON SIR!”
Inferian: Sioneva, you contribute vaguely.

It takes ominously long to advance to the altar in the narrative, which alarms the PCs (which in turn sets off the meta alarm).At last, they spy statues which might not be statues at all! They immediately grind to a halt, recognizing a statue-based ambush when they see one. Two of the “statues” immediately awaken, gaunt and baleful as they stare at the group. No one has the Knowledge necessary to really identify them, but they seem to be some sort of undead. Someone chews annoyingly loud directly into the microphone, which I feel obligated to mention just to point out that the players are jerks. The two undead in the back move up into superior position as well.

Inferian: Oh man, this would piss you guys off. One of the displays of Share Pain is a mental display, “a subtle chime rings once in the minds of creatures within 15 feet of the caster or subject. At the manifester’s option, the chime can ring continuously for the power’s duration.” Of seven hours.
DM: That’s sharing pain, all right.

The DM draws the map, and to mention that the usual scramble for minis occurs would be vastly redundant to any person familiar with this game report.

DM: It’s much simpler than the first dungeon, but this isn’t really a dungeon.
Inferian: This isn’t a – aww, come on!
DM: That’s what you all were looking for, was the dungeon under the church, which leads down to the vile abyss where Diablo blah blah blah stay a while!

Initiative is rolled! Sioneva acts first, firing her bow at one of the undead a pair of times, then Inferian follows with a blast of fire damage to test for resistance to same. Benar shoots the injured one with his bow. Calinai uses Fiery burst! So far very little damage overall has been dealt out, despite the sequence advancing.

Lars: I would like to cast… Girallon’s Blessing, on Fal—“I’m going to cast Girallon’s Blessing on Falgrim.”
Inferian: “We’ve got to give him more damage.”
Lars: “I’m going to buff him. In fact, he’s going to get an extra pair of arms.”

Sadly, Lars has failed to realize that spell actually sucks, by virtue of removing Falgrim’s ability to use his sword. He swaps it out for a spell that gives him an extra 1d6 damage against larger foes. No one can remember which mini actually represents Lars so he can move.

Lars: I’m the double-axeman. That’s me.
Inferian: “Cast us a spell, you’re the two-axeman. Cast us a spell, tonight.”
Falgrim: I’ll come over there and fart in your goddamn face, so shut up.
Inferian: “‘Cuz we’re fighting gorillas, and it doesn’t thrill us, so buff us a little more now.”
Falgrim: Damn it, my knife is in my room!
DM: They’re not gorillas… Falgrim, you’re going to make your charge?
Falgrim: YES! I’ma chargin’ my lazors! (moving his mini forward)
DM: Whoop. (stopping Falgrim)
Falgrim: Oh noes.
DM: As he closes to within that range, what they do is Dhalsim. The large-clawed fingers somehow stretch and extend as you close to the top of the platform.

Only two of them attack him, but with both arms. One of them fails miserably in his attack, but the other two strike home.

Inferian: Good work, Falgrim, draw them out!
Falgrim: “Geroff!”
Calinai: Wow. That’s… fifteen feet?
DM: Their arms, which are long to begin with, somehow extended to an unnatural length.
Inferian: They’re undead chokers!
Falgrim: They exist.
DM: Chokers don’t extend their arms, they just have long arms.

Falgrim takes 19 points of damage from these attacks. Wandering into meta territory, they start numbering the creature’s health. Falgrim hacks one rather brutally, as the players realize he’s in range of pretty much all of the creatures now. His weapon’s frost enchant is naturally meaningless against the undead.

Calinai: Hey, can my snake use magic devices? Can I give him one of my wands and he’s just over there batting people with it? “Good job, snake.” I’ll give it to my dog. “Fetch, dog!”
Falgrim: Blink, heal! Blink, heal!
Calinai: That’d be ridiculous. Once I get my blink dog, yeah, that’d be good!

Sioneva skirmishes again. Lars attempts to sell his armor for some reason. Inferian starts rolling.

DM: Wild surge for 2?
Inferian: Of course.

17 fire damage to the injured one… and it stays up. The DM grumbles about rolling poorly on damage as he doles out 23 points of damage to Falgrim from the first one. Calinai’s ass makes a walrus noise.

DM: The crit –
Falgrim: Oh no.
Inferian: There goes Falgrim.
DM: --while hitting you viciously, causing you to roar in anguish, only does 20 points of damage.

Falgrim is now hovering at about three hit points. Inferian grumbles at their refusal to cluster, and the DM laughs at him for it, then moves another undead forward. Benar takes 16 points of damage from an attack. Calinai hurls some Scorching Ray fire damage into the fray, for 21.

Lars: Okay, of the two chicks in the back with cloaks—
Inferian: There’s only one chick in the back with a cloak.
Lars: Who’s that?
Inferian: That’s ME.
Lars: Oh.
Calinia: Is it dead, or—
DM: It’s burning good now.
Inferian: Good GOD.
Calinai: Only 17 this time.
DM: You burn the second one but good.
Calinai: I’m gonna keep shooting till he goes down!
DM: You can make out the outline of its form through the flames now, but it doesn’t appear to have fallen down.

The third ray misses, leaving the group horrified by the amount of damage these things have both taken out and given. Lars advances forward up the stairs, rolling a Spot as he does. He rolls a natural 1.

DM: Well, you definitely manage to see all the claws coming your way.
Lars: Oh, that’s good!
Inferian: “Hey, this one’s got dirt under his fingernaiowww! I saw it too close!”
Lars: This is gonna kill me, dude.

He takes two hits from six attacks, but one is a crit. The DM once again complains about rolling crap for damage.

Calinai: You said the same thing to Falgrim about 23 points of damage.
DM: I didn’t think their output would be this high…

Lars takes a total of 35. The game table is unusually subdued by this point. Lars heals Falgrim for 18. Calinai becomes convinced that the creatures are immune to fire damage, finding this thought preferable to them eating so much damage without harm.

DM: Though you didn’t see it as you came up, you now see the large rumble as you turn. You see that one fall to the ground, although for reasons you’re not able to ascertain.
Inferian: Deus ex machina!
DM: No, actually… As that one falls to the ground—
Lars: “This battle sucks, I’m going to sleep.”
DM: There’s a thumping noise. What seems to be a cluster of small darts also slam into this one.

Falgrim full-attacks, dealing exactly one point more than the creature has.

Calinai: I told you he was taking less fire damage than we think he is!
Falgrim: I just did 76 points in one attack round. And I did hit him for 32 more before that.

Sioneva’s skirmish shot finally kills that damaged one. Inferian blasts another. The players stare at the board with bated breath, waiting to see which one the undead creature elects to unload upon. The DM eventually splits its attacks, missing Falgrim but hitting Lars.

DM: You notice on the platform—
Inferian: Oh god! The Off lever! Fuck!
DM: That would be aw—why didn’t I think of that?! Approximately in that area, you notice, appearing out of thin area, a man appears atop the tomb and surveys the scene.
Lars: It’s a lich!
DM: Those of you who are not Lars will recognize him, or apparently recognize him, as the Noldor Queen Carella’s chamberlain, Sadler.
Calinai: Huh.
DM: He looks over the scene, but says nothing, as he apparently busies himself with something atop the tomb.
Lars: He’s a lich.
Falgrim: We would be dead.
Lars: If you’re at max health…
Falgrim: You do not shoot lasers out of your sword.

Inferian and Calinai start arguing over terminology on threatened space, which is trivial and pointless. Lars, meanwhile, is actually eating the attacks of opportunity as he advances, taking 15 damage.

DM: As Benar moves up, Sadler howls in apparent anger and frustration, throwing something down from the top of the tomb. Benar can take his action.
Inferian: All right! Leaping forward, rolling a heroic natural 20 on his Tumble check! (moving the mini through the creature to flank it)
DM: Did he just do an Obi-Won? Get the hell out of here.
Inferian: And he knifes the thing in the back for 14 points of damage. Meanwhile, I would like to roll a Spot check to determine what the hell Stadler or Waldorf or whatever his name is just threw down.
DM: He tossed it to the side… actually, this is perfect. It appeared to be a small metal box, judging from the clang it made on the floor, of about this size.
Falgrim: Cigars. 40 damage from my first attack. And… oh god, you gotta be kidding me, I rolled 3 1s and a 4. So that’s 23.
DM: Oof.

Inferian also spots Sadler vanishing from sight once again. Sioneva’s arrows takes the creature out! Given the duration of this combat and the late run, the ending is quickly wrapped up: Sadler is gone, and the metal box he discarded seems to have contained the item they were seeking, but now contains only a note.

DM: The first line says, “I have taken the seal.” Second line—
Inferian: “And I plan to destroy it as soon as possible. R.A.B.”
DM: You know, I did have a flash of that when I thought it up. The rest of it says, “Seek me where the shadow waits.”

On that ominous homage, I mean note, the game ends.