A little backstory here: This game report is a new stage in the process. Gone are the clunky days of note-taking and guessing. This game was fully recorded. What you will see here is a transcription of the interesting stuff, as normal, but more detailed and more accurate. I hope you enjoy.



Aliarra: All right, let’s start the game. Last time we arrived at Cat City… Central?
DM: After a long journey you finally arrive at the small port town of Serkous.
Aiden: I will put my hood up, attempting to hide my face.
Aliarra: Okay, everybody, let’s, first, keep a close eye on Aiden… very close eye…
Aiden: You guys are gonna have to constantly have Spot checks on me.
Aliarra: Your Spot checks are everywhere else!
Aiden: I’m gonna give myself a -10 to Spot.
Drusila: Drusila has been looking forward to this, this is a return to an ancestral homeland of which she has only heard stories.
Aliarra: ANCESTRAL, it’s not what you think she said!
Hanzo: ‘Cuz you heard it too!
Aliarra: Yes, I know what you thought.
Aiden: Everyone knows exactly what you said, regardless of what actually was.

Work along the dock ceases out of curiosity as this odd party disembarks. The humans and Banglasharans are normal sights, but…

DM: Suddenly you hear a few gasps, and a couple yelps run through the background as Iglar emerges from the hold below and lumbers down the gangplank.
Mrrshala: Iglar?!
Hanzo: Iglar?
DM: I mean Ignir, sorry…
Aiden: I’m gonna start making my constant checks of Willpower… I was able to save, I have a high Will save.
Hanzo: We should just blindfold you and spare us all this crap.
Aliarra: It’s like frickin’ Odysseus with the Sirens, tie him to the mast.
Aiden: My mast is at full post already

The party proceeds to the town – not by boat, as is firmly established. An argument erupts over ponies and horses, including Drusila’s pony “Custard Pie”, as well as if Endure Elements makes you stop enjoying pleasant temperatures and just start enduring them. Ominous terrain threatens, but does not deliver, random encounters. Somehow the party manages to enter the city proper despite a guard.

Aliarra: (referring to Aiden) If they call him “the Devourer” in prophecy around here, I’m really uncomfortable with that terminology.

Drusila: Shall we find an inn – err, what time is it?
DM: It is actually a little after noon.
Aliarra: Perfect time to find an inn, we’re lazy!

The party realizes they don’t know where they’re going – or even if they’re on a continent or just an island. They argue about the latter for a moment, decide the answer is “continent”, then split up to look for information. Aliarra and Mrrshala go looking for a temple of Skeldric, while Hanzo and Drusila start rolling Gather Information checks.

Aiden: You quickly look to see what Aiden will be doing and he’s already gone.
Aliarra: “Aiden, I need you to NOT molest – awww.”
Aiden: You said “where’s Aiden?” and all of a sudden you see a cop carriage go by…

Hanzo rolls well, Drusila less so, on their checks, and they determine the proper place to go is the Magister’s compound, as the DM inexplicably adopts a random accent to reveal the information. Mrr and Aliarra find no temple of Skeldric, while the other party members accuse them of swordpoint proselytizing.

Aiden: I go to look for find a tavern, I’ll hole up there for a while.
Hanzo: Nothing like keeping a low profile, like you getting liquored up and grabbing some Banglasharan bottom.
Aiden: That’s my plan! You guys left me to my own devices, it’s your own fault. We’re going to the bar, take me there!
Hanzo: (to Drusila) I’ll get the file, you bake him a cake…
Aiden: I’m gonna go to a tavern that sounds real skanky… “The Pussy Tail.”
Aliarra: Do you even speak Banglasharan?
Aiden: Oh hell no.
Aliarra: Oh, this is gonna end in tears.

Aiden manages to not get in trouble long enough for the party to reassemble from their separate errands, despite Drusila’s efforts to tear off to the Magister’s compound.

Aliarra: “We better go find Aiden.”
Drusila: “I’m sure he’s having a good time.”
Aliarra: “THAT’s the PROBLEM.”
Drusila: “He’ll get it out of his system, he’ll stop staring at me when I’m—“
Aliarra: “No. No he will not. He will never do that”
Drusila: “Are you saying it’s a slippery slope?”
Aliarra: (pause) “Slippery, yes. Slope, no.”

Amazingly, the party finds Aiden before he can get too drunk or active ad forcibly drag him back to the plot. Aiden drops enormous sums of money, marking himself as every thief in the city’s target. Drusila beats this by declaring Aiden her mark, in Thieves’ Cant, to the vast amusement of the party.

Aliarra: “We skillfully defeat Aiden’s attempts at ruining everything and head for the Magister’s house.

The Magister, a friendly and helpful NPC somehow, greets them and invites them for cake and SWEET BERRY WINE! A suspicious party eyes the food with classic paranoia before finally accepting it isn’t poisoned and tucking in. The Magister reveals that a local underground compound is full of undead, and may be relevant to their quest. Bargaining, the party agrees to investigate in exchange for information.

Drusila: Drusila’s not a very complicated person. Sweet berry wine puts her in a really good mood.
Aliarra: Aiden’s gonna get some!
Drusila: She quaffs another a goblet and begins to sing!
Aiden: I’m not gonna rape – have my way with party members, that’ll lead to awkward situations later one.
Aliarra: Yeah, because all your other behavior thus far hasn’t lead to awkward behavior.
Aiden: It’s all been in harmful – harmless fun.

Aliarra sends Hanzo and Aiden out to scout, for many reasons, including keeping the party out of sexual deviants’ prison. Aiden repeatedly refers to Divination as Deviation as he complains he has no spells for scouting. The two set off, complaining most of the way.

DM: You follow the map… succinctly.
Aliarra: What – that’s not ANY –
Mrrshala: And Aliarra’s brain is broken.
Drusila: Get over this! Leave your work at work! Leave your work at work!
Aliarra: That’s not work, that’s my basic education! I went to college for this!
Hanzo: Have one of these. (handing Aliarra a Star Crunch)
Aliarra: (bouncing it off her head) It still hurts!

Aiden detects no magic or undead, so the two scouts venture into the mysterious hole in the ground. Play breaks for about ten minutes as the players discover the blue wet erase marker has stained the gaming map, and work at cleaning it. Eventually, the dungeon is drawn and Aiden and Hanzo venture in. One half is lit, one half is dark. The pair choose to go to the lit side.

Aliarra: I didn’t send Drusila because in-character I forget that she’s a rogue.
Drusila: What do you think I am?
Aliarra: I think that you’re a BAKER!

The two find what appears to be a den, complete with couches, bear-skin rug, and roaring (magical) fire. Two locked doors stymie them. Heading down the other side of the compound, they discover and plunder a wine cellar, then return to the city to report their findings, such as they were.

Aiden: I don’t even know why you guys sent us there.
Aliarra: Because proper reconnaissance is the foundation of a frickin’ good party! What if there had been a bottomless pit!
Hanzo: We found a fireplace.
Drusila: Yeah… yeah next time we just go in.
Aliarra: Look, it’s not the fact that you didn’t find anything out of the ordinary, it’s that we KNOW you didn’t find anything out of the ordinary!
Aiden: What were you expecting us to find?!
Aliarra: All right, are their hordes of undead just lingering around the outside that we need to prepare? What does the terrain look like? We now know it’s convenient five-foot corridors.
Aiden: (rolling his eyes) Five-foot corridors.
Aliarra: No, what that means is -- (to Mrrshala) -- you probably want to pick up a polearm!
Mrrshala: Got one.
Aliarra: …good! And you -- (to Hanzo) -- are gonna want a missile weapon!
Hanzo: I have one.
Aliarra: Good! You guys SUCK at tactics.
Hanzo: (incredulously) Tactics?!
Aliarra: And this is coming from the girl who kicks open doors! So it oughtta mean extra coming from me!
Aiden: Our ability to keep you in a room is easy enough, we just leave you in a room with the door open, you’d be too confused. And cross!

The inevitable fight over minatures derails the game for a while. At last they all pick their minis again and line ‘em up in the dungeon. Drusila does the usual rogue listen-and-pick, but to their alarm one of the locked doors has been opened since the scouting party had been there. They station Aiden to watch it while Drusila works on the locked door. Aliarra attempts to do the tank thing, but Drusila “lunges” past her and sneaks on ahead to scout.

Drusila: Search for trap! (tossing down a 1)
Aiden: You make a trap and set it off!
Hanzo: You’re using your pots and pans to search for traps. (making banging motions) Dong dong dong dong!
Aliarra: No, it goes like this: “If I wanted to set a trap I’d put a crossbow heeere…” (making a setting motion) “..and set it off with a string, and when you tug on it like this- ohhh!”
DM: You swear there’s a depression trap right there.
Hanzo: “So much for exploring. Nobody movie!”

Drusila fails to communicate the presence of the trap by mime, and so marks the spot by piling torches around it, hops over, and moves on. The next door she listens at… she hears conversation! Unable to see, she peeks in and sees nothing from her perspective! Back down the hallway she comes.

Aliarra: Okay, here’s the plan. The rest of us will go back to this room and wait. Drusila, make a little noise outside the door, just enough so someone goes “I wonder what that noise is?” and comes out to investigate. Continue around, staying out of sight but continuing to make noise till we’ve lured the person into this room, at which point we jump them and pound them down till we can interrogate them.
Drusila: Okay, Drusila is gonna stand here, and she’s gonna make a noise like a wild boar.
Hanzo: A wayward pig has wandered underground, forsaking the flames of the open hearth.
Aliarra: Hopefully these guys are completely as misunderstanding the nature of random encounters as any RPG.
Hanzo: Gotta kill boars, that’s free XP!
DM: Nothing happens.

A lot of nothing happens, no matter what they try. Drusila finally gives up and pushes into the room! 103 crossbows don’t discharge simultaneously, no matter what anyone says.

DM: All seats are filled… with ghostly apparitions!
Aiden: We have entered Luigi’s Mansion!
Mrrshala: It’s the banquet hall in Karazhan!
DM: The one in the nearest seat turns and looks at you. You, actually give me a Spot check.
Drusila: I should really start putting ranks into that.
DM: “Ah, lass, can you please fill my glass?”
Drusila: “Oh, let me go and fetch more wine, sir, I’ll be right back, just a moment.” (moving her mini down the hall, jumping over the trap, and back into the room where everyone else lies in wait) “GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!”
Aliarra: All right, let’s try the other door.
Aiden: “They didn’t attack us! They may know what’s going on!”
Aliarra: “Possibly, but let’s try the other door before we mess with the undead we can’t slay.”
Aiden: I have Sunbeam.

A pause.

Aliarra: (sarcastically) Ooh, all is right with the world, he has Sunbeam! I fail to see how this solves our problems.
Aiden: I just said I have Sunbeam, I didn’t say it would solve the problem. Where did I say it would solve the problem?

Aiden forces Drusila to go get some wine, refusing to volunteer his own. Drusila returns to the feasting ghosts.

Drusila: “Is this vintage acceptable?”
DM: “Yes, yes.”
Hanzo: They have ghostly goblets?
DM: The stuff on the table is solid. He picks up the glass, tilts back the glass.. “Ahh, a great vintage. Tell me… when is dessert being served?”
Drusila: “Dessert – ummmm.”
Hanzo: Dessert is here!

Drusila locates the kitchen easily – it’s one door off the kitchen, and, oddly, trapped with spikes. Drusila dodges these, then disables the device. The group inexplicablt breaks into the Duck Tales theme. Further explorations reveal a bedroom, of little use to Drusila in her present circumstances. The bored party begins to explore further. Drusila attempts to loot the kitchen, but finds nothing of value.

Aiden: I think it’s time to come up with a good lie. “The chef has rabies.”
Drusila: Drusila is terrified of ghosts, she doesn’t want to disappoint them.
Aiden: So we’re off on an adventure and she’s back there cooking a meal.
Aliarra: I have to say that’s completely in keeping with her characterization thus far.

Aliarra takes out a portcullis blocking her path by actually using a crowbar for its intended purpose, something that never ever happens in D&D, while Aiden continues further back into the complex.

Drusila: There’s no supplies with me to cook or bake with. Fortunately I brought some.
Aliarra: You didn’t need to say that. We knew. We knew.
Drusila: Drusila’s gonna start some pudding on the stove. Wait, is there a fire?
DM: No.
Drusila: Can I make one?
DM: Yes

The party continues to split and explore, irritating the DM and necessitating a lot of snack moving.

Druisila: We just need to organize our snacks better. We need, like, a suspended snacks system.
Aliarra: That’d be the total game experience, you stand up and – it’s like a reverse salad bar. The shield is what you put the actual snacks on.
Drusila: That’s brilliant, it only protects the table from snacks.
Aliarra: And you could mount lights on the underneath of it so it could illuminate the table!

Aiden discovers a pool, which to his dismay is not full of ghostly nude catpeople. Drusila starts up some cookies, which will apparently bake faster than the pudding.

Drusila: Taking these cookies out, she’s going to bow before the ghost who’s been bothering her, and say, “Dear sir, please accept this from the chef, the main dessert will be coming soon. He asks that you entertain yourself with these while he finishes it.”
DM: “Cookies? Commoner food?”
Drusila: “Please, I—“
Aliarra: You’ve pissed off the ghost!
Aiden: One of the ghosts takes off a mask. “Nom nom nom nom nom nom!” Cookie Monster.
Drusila: “The rich puddings, cannoli, and cakes will –“
DM: The party has stopped, every ghost has turned to look at you.
Drusila: “I am very sorry sir, shall I take this back to the chef?”
DM: Silence.
Drusila: Drusila is patient.
Aliarra: And terrified.
Drusila: Yes!

Drusila gets a Fort save; everyone else gets a Listen check, which only Aiden passes.

DM: The ghosts look at you as one. As one they raise their hands and point at you. They open their mouths and shriek, wailing at you.
Mrrshala: “COOOOKIIIEEEES!”
Drusilanitia: Why?!
Aiden: Why, you should have just left them there!
Aliarra: He failed to detect the biggest trap of all. A trap for bakers.
Aiden: This is a trap designed for him!
DM: Their incorporeal forms evaporate, and now you see their remains as the very real, very corporeal husks of undead.
Drusila: I’m gonna sneak into the kitchen and reactivate the trap!
DM: You get one action,
Drusila: Drusila was here. Drusila is going to Tumble past this guy—
Aliarra: Oh yeah, run away from where you know the party is.
Drusila: Well, she’s hoping to lock herself in the kitchen where she feels most secure.

Drusila barricades herself behind the door as the other party members begin to slowly move towards the scene. Drusila reactivates the spike trap in the kitchen. Initiative is called for; debates over the Run action ensue; it is all very epic or something. Drusila stacks firewood behind the kitchen door, then prepares to set it on fire.

Mrrshala: “COOOKIES?!”
Aiden: I need to make you guys a villain based on David Bowie from “Labyrinth”.
Aliarra: Are you kidding? His reach would be insane! I’ve heard of “Area” of effect but this is ridiculous!
Hanzo: He’d just be a bard.
Aiden: David Bowie’s like a level 22 epic level bard.
Drusila: Challenge rating 3.

Mrrshala and Aiden show up on the scene, and after several minutes of arguing over how Turn Undead works, destroys three of the undead with Greater Turning. Drusila ropes together some holy water for a grenade.

Aliarra: Mrrshala’s turn.
Mrrshala: I’m waiting for you guys to shut up!
Drusila: Speak up!
Mrrshala: I can’t over those guys. “Is this a one-person party or can anyone dance?”

A pause.

Aliarra: We’re waiting for you!
Mrrshala: I’m telling that to the zombies!
Aliarra: We didn’t know! I thought you were berating me! Did anyone think that she was not berating me?
Aiden: I usually don’t try to trash-talk zombies…
Hanzo: Unless you bear desserts they’re not interested.
Aliarra: Unless you bear plebian desserts they’re not interested.
DM: Their intelligence literally evaporated.

Hanzo shoots a zombie with a bolt that fails to do anything other than damage, due to a Fort save succeeding. Aliarra moves her mini through the halls.

Aliarra: (sarcastically) I stepped on the trap. It was an accident.
Aiden: It turns into a trap!
Hanzo: A little piece of paper drops down from the ceiling.
Aiden: “Moron.”
Aliarra: I’m not ON the trap, I ran over it.
Hanzo: Trap coming here, 2014.
DM: Make a Will save.
Aliarra: 8.
DM: You scream! And you dive, trying to avoid this trap!
Aiden: Can I just walk up onto this table, here? There’s a chair here, I can just walk up, or are you gonna make me do a Climb check?
Aliarra: Jump, technically.
Aiden: There’s a chair, I’m stepping on the chair—
Aliarra: You gotta jump up to the chair, then jump up to the—
Aiden: I’m not a midget! I’m six foot two!

Aiden uses his AOE bursts, which does seven healing to allies and damage to undead – which goes up to 11 when they actually look up the mechanics. In the course they discover that two feats are named Sacred Healing, and convince the DM to allow the better one as the prereq for Sacred Purification. A zombie smashes through the kitchen door and is promptly impaled on the spike trap – which its corpse continues to trigger repeatedly. Drusila freaks and hurls her alchemist’s fire into the firewood. Mrrshala strikes a zombie with Sapphire Nightmare Blade. Aliarra finally manages to make it to the fight, giving Aiden an extra turn to smash a zombie. A zombie walks into the fire. The DM is asked if the zombie extinguished the fire when it died.

DM: This one… fell on the fire, lit on fire, died, and then fed the flames.

Aliarra: (seeing the DM move a mini out of her threatened range) Attack of opportunity! (as the DM reaches for another one, but then hesitates) Attack ooooooooooooooof…. (the DM finally moves it) Attack of opportunity!
DM: They’re both dead, I don’t think you can roll low enough..
Aliarra: I do a minimum of nine.
Hanzo: (to Drusila) Did you save a cookie?
Drusila: Yes, they’re right there on the map.

They are. The group bursts into laughter.

Hanzo: Throw the cookies at the ghouls! Mock them for not eating them. “Not good enough for you, huh? How do you feel now that you’re all turned to dust!”
Drusila: That sounds like a clever idea. Drusila will crumble the cookies. “Peasant food! Peasant food, is it?!”

Mrrshala’s turn, but she’s out of the room. Aliarra pretends to be here with maximum ineffectuality, before the DM rules she’s holding her action. Aliarra Crusader Strikes the final foe to death, splashing some healing onto Mrr for good measure.

Aliarra: “Drusila, are you okay in there?”
Drusila: “I’m fine, thanks to you guys!”
Aliarra: “The door is on fire! Is there another way out?!”
Drusila: “It’ll go out in a minute… or ten… or twenty…:
Aliarra: “We’re underground!”
Drusila: Is there a source of water in this kitchen?
DM: No.
Aliarra: What a crappy kitchen.
Drusila: Yeah, really.
Aiden: “What the hell, who put this fire, why would they put a fire underground!?”
DM: There’s a well in the kitchen but there is no water, now shut the hell up.

Drusila breaks up the fire with a poker. An argument erupts over the item class of ‘antitoxin’. The party decides… not to split up any more.

Drusila: Drusila clear the rubble and says, “There’s more to see back here, I found some sleeping chamber but I didn’t have time to – I didn’t really have time to explore them much – cookies?”
Mrrshala: “COOKIES?!”
Aliarra: “PEASANT FOOD?! Why would you offer me this?!”
Aiden: All of us scream and turn into husks! And thus the campaign goes retarded.
Aliarra: “Goes” retarded?
Drusila: “Why does everyone hate my cookies? My self-esteem is going down the drain!”
Aliarra: Because they’re peasant food.

On the party goes to the sleeping chambers as Drusila bitterly destroys the cookies. Aliarra destroys another portcullis. The DM points out that the winch for it was on their side. Aliarra shrugs this off. Drusila continues forward, checking for traps and so forth, until the party at last reaches a room in which the DM begins to draw something very odd and ominous… with a lot of circles.

Drusila: Oh wow, here I thought the bedroom would lead to some sort of closet.
Aiden: This is the armory, full of magical items!
Drusila: This is their walk-in closet.
Aliarra: We’ve found the bamboo stand!
Hanzo: The skulls are piled high.
Aliarra: It’s like frickin’ C’thun, it’s nothing but eyeballs and a smiley face.
Mrrshala: No, it’s an organ.
Aliarra: Oh god, I didn’t want to fight C’thun’s organ.
Mrrshala: (injures Aliarra)
DM: There is a giant, gargantuan organ.
Aliarra: At last, Aiden gets to play with someone’s organ.
Drusila: Anyone have Perform?
Aiden: No… why would I waste ranks on…
Aliarra: I have Knowledge (religion), that should count for an organ.

The players discover a necklace on the keyboard of the organ. Carefully, Aliarra hooks it with her guisarme and lifts it.

Aliarra: I tried to lift this necklace in a way that wouldn’t make me go crazy, but it seems I’ve failed. It’s a necklace that gives me a psychotic urge to kick doors down, you’ll never know I’m crazy.
DM: The necklace leaps off the guisarme, and goes –zwhoop! – onto your neck.
Aliarra: Dodge! Run! Hide!
DM: Then it starts tightening around your neck.
Aliarra: I’m seriously trying to get out of the way when I see that coming.
DM: Reflex save.
Aliarra: Soon as I see it flipping off of my guisarme I’m diving away from that nonsense. 20.
DM: The organ bellow. “BWAAAAAAAAAAAAH.”
Aliarra: “DAMMIIIIIIIIT.”
DM: One of the organ pipes falls.
Aliarra: I dodge that too!
Aiden: Is the necklace still chasing her?
DM: Yeah. Initiative.
Aliarra: Oh my god, we’re fighting an organ and a necklace, this is great.

Aiden somehow goes first, drawing forth a book and attempting to slam the necklace into it.

Drusila: I have a plan!
Aliarra: We all have a plan.

Drusila attempts to whip the necklace, then rope it to a feather token of anchor. She succeeds in the first part, but only finds herself being dragged around by the necklace after a comically bad strength roll. Mrrshala steps up and seizes it much more effectively, but fails the Use Rope check to tie the necklace up. Aiden debates over casting Dispel Magic, but then casts Augury for an answer and elects not to. Aliarra whips off her cloak and tackles the necklace to wrap it up. The organ causes trouble.

Aliarra: I kick open the organ.
Aiden: This isn’t God of War.
Aliarra: We’ll. See. About. That. I drop the glaive, whip off my cloak, hyaaah! (making a tackling motion)
Aiden: What kind of cloak are you using that you’re trying to do that to the organ?
Aliarra: Not the organ you moron!
Aiden: Move away then! Move your ass away from the organ so you aren’t getting attacked!
Aliarra: (laughing hysterically) That would be the greatest move in the world! Organ in my cloak!
Aiden: Where is this necklace that you’re so hot on keeping it down? What is your cloak going to do that our anvil didn’t?
Aliarra: It’s not that the anvil didn’t work, it’s that it couldn’t be tied up securely! We just ball it up in the cloak and punch the shit out of it!
Aiden: You retard, let it BE!
Aliarra: Yeah, let it be to STRANGLE us, no thank you! I’m making a frickin’ grapple check!
Aiden: You’re wasting time! You’re a warrior, take care of the organ!
Aliarra:I rolled a frickin’ natural 20.
Aiden: Congratulations, you wasted time! Now take care of the organ!
DM: The organ gets an attack of opportunity on you.
Aiden: See!!
Aliarra: I use my Armbands of Evasive Action so it gets no attack of opportunity against me, boo-fucking-yah!
Aiden: That’s a waste of time, what about the organ?
Aliarra: Pfft, it’s an organ, what’s it gonna do, organ us to death?
Aiden: (makes smashing motions) She says that and there’s just an organ bouncing toward her.
Aliarra: If it did that my respect for it would increase.
Aiden: “I do NOTHING, huh?” BWAM!
Aliarra: Suplex it!

The necklace struggles to get out. The organ strikes Aliarra from behind.

Aliarra: Am I being flanked by the necklace and the organ?
DM: Yes.
Aliarra: This is the greatest adventure ever!

The organ does a decent amount of damage, startling Aliarra. Drusila ties up the necklace-bundled-cloak and affixes the anchor. Mrrshala tries to find an off-switch, but ends up attacking the organ. Aiden uses Searing Light, rolling his attack roll.

Aliarra: It’s kind of hard to effing miss an effing organ.
DM: (organ music)
Aliarra: I bet if we had a bard we could play it into submission. (pausing) That’d be great, actually! You have an epic playfight and if you win, it becomes yours.

More damage goes back and forth. The organ gears up to attack.

Aliarra: Remember it’s at a -4 to hit everyone who isn’t me.
Aiden: You can’t Threatening Gaze an inanimate object! It has no eyes!
Aliarra: Yes. I. Can. It’s not a gaze, it’s a stance!
Aiden: Now it’s going to use the Dance of Death, we all lose levels. It’s a vampire organ!
Hanzo: A vampire monk organ.

The organ smacks everyone in melee range for a decent hit, despite its penalties. Aiden complains a lot, as is his wont.

Drusila: Hopefully the acoustics are in my favor here. Drusila is going to throw a Thunderstone into one of the pipes.
Aliarra: This is either brilliant…
Aiden: Or horribly bad. It somehow turns on us.
Aliarra: You’ve empowered the organ, its pipes all turn gold and shoot straight up..

With luck, the Thunderstone doesn’t miss, and does in fact wreck up some of the pipes. Mrr uses Insightful Strike, dealing 22 points of damage to the organ. Hanzo attacks as well, less interestingly, for 9 or 12, who can tell. The DM calls for Reflex saves, but everyone gets out of the way. The players point out that the necklace is in the crash distance of the organ, at which point they hear it shatter beneath a falling pipe. And the game at last ended at this point.