With one player missing, the proposed continuation of the Second Birthright Game is arbitrarily put on hold -- but HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER! Our long-suffering former-telepresent cohort has decided that now he wants to run a game as well. Character creation begins!

The setting: A young world, very rough and new, lacking gods or a sizable human population. The focus of our story is a town of some 800 humans.

DM: I'm very reluctant to call it a village, I have bad memories about that.
Azer: Eh?
Brennan: "Willage."
Azer: Ah, yes, they've told me the stories...
DM: Yes, shut up.
Willow: Peesant.
Khor: Is it near a chasm?
DM: What?
Brennan: You know.. chasm? (saying the word with a hard "ch")
DM: Oh, heh heh. Shut up.

His accent now thoroughly and obligatorily mocked, the DM begins to tell of the races. The most common ones are humans, of course, and dwarves have a great and powerful empire. Bronze is the most common material in the hands of the humans -- iron weapons cost ten times as much. Rangers are very common, as are druids.

DM: And there's a wizard in the town, if one of you wants to play the apprentice. (looking directly at Khor)
Khor: Um...
DM: He lives in an old abandoned tower at the edge of town.
Khor: That's not very abandoned then.

The group's traditional rolling method, developed about 14 years ago and used reasonably consistently to the present day, is 4d6, drop the lowest, reroll ones. Azer makes a few jokes about the DM's occasionally-suggested 32-point buy method, which Azer cheerfully and willfully misinterprets as having no base points in any stats. Instead, the DM indicates that the players may use a traditional 4d6, no reroll, method. As this group generally favors random rolling, they choose to do so. Willow, for the first time in the group's history, comes away with character stats that are not insane. Brennan does reasonably well for himself; Khor rolls amazingly; Azer stares in horror at a run of 10s (and a 9).

Azer: He's a retard! I'm going to be playing a retard!
Willow: Enchantment!
Khor: So, base classes from the PHB, is what I'm hearing?
DM: (immediately on-guard) Well... if you want to play something else you better have a good reason for it.
Azer: How about bard?
DM: Bard is a very respected class!
Khor: You really want to add in some stuff from some of the other books. Bards only get really good when you add in supplementary materials. Ooh, I know some great prestige classes you could aim for! (reaching for books as he continues to ramble about prestige classes)
DM: Oh, I'm sure Khor can find some way to break the system and overpower you.
Khor: Hey...

Brennan, meanwhile, comes up with a great story about a dwarven ranger, backstory and motivations conjured up out of whole cloth. The DM asks a couple of pointed questions. Brennan promptly and overtly deflates.

Khor: So about those other classes...
DM: Hmm?
Khor: I was thinking warblade... but instead of, like, a formal training or anything, this is someone who's just got a savage instinct that comes out in special abilities. He'd be closest to the rangers.

The DM hesitates for one second. It's plain to anyone that he wants to say no, because he's damn certain Khor has something up his sleeve, but fairness wins out over, perhaps, sanity.

DM: I know that book was sort of designed to balance out melee with wizards at high level, but your crusader in the other game is really powerful--
Khor: I designed her to be powerful! I built her specifically as a tank with tactics. Hell, wait till I get Improved Trip, you haven't seen anything yet!
Brennan: (frowning)
Khor: I -- the tactic has a lot of flaws, though, like large enemies or creatures with no legs. Anyway, the point is it's not overpowered.
DM: Well, okay, but...
Khor: Sweet! (gets to work)

Brennan comes up with an answer to some of the lingering troubles with his initially-proposed character. The DM makes a valid point; Brennan immediately deflates again.

DM: Come on, you -- your dreams need to be more resilient!
Brennan: No, no, you were right, you've crushed my dreams.
Khor: Aww, why you gotta crush his dreams?

Abruptly, Azer speaks up again on a subject he's raised two or three times before this night...

Azer: I don't get it! Why are a mule and a donkey the same price?! Look, right here -- (pointing at the equipment list) -- donkey-slash-mule, eight gold pieces. But a mule can carry like three times what a donkey can! There's no other difference!
Brennan: Well, mules were bred to have the best traits of a donkey and a horse. And mules can't breed.
Khor: Yeah, this is a long-range campaign, you have to think for the future. One donkey now can be twelve in a short while, you won't get that profit out of a mule!
Azer: I'm a traveling bard, or at least I was! I'm not gonna roll into town -- like, twelve donkeys! Me on the front one, playing my guitar...
Willow: They could all be pulling your pipe organ.

Stunned silence followed by paralytic laughter.

Khor: That's perfect! You roll into town, playing away--
Azer: There's, like, a midget at the front of the cart yah'ing the mules, while I'm on the back playing -- all the villains hire me to do their theme songs... I swear next time we play Exalted my character is going to play the organ.
Khor: It shoots sonic waves that tear your enemies apart!
Azer: Yeah, but... anyway, I just think it's stupid that mules and donkeys cost the same.
DM: You're right. Mules now cost 16 gold.
Azer: SON OF A BITCH! I just HAD to argue it! I just couldn't keep my mouth shut!

Brennan has elected to play a cleric -- which follow the paths of holy forces and ideology and whatnot, since no gods are known to this world. He pauses, considering the equipment lists.

Brennan: Do I need to buy a holy symbol?
DM: Of course.
Brennan: Well, what is it? (Pausing a moment) Heh, anvil! (miming the lifting of an incredibly heavy object"All ye... oondead.. be... gaaasp!"

Willow elects to follow the path of the ranger. The DM nods, then looks at Khor

DM: (hesitantly) I'm still not sure about the warblade thing...
Khor: (irritatedly starts explaining in length the balance behind a warblade versus for example a fighter using specific reference to the whirlwind feat versus a similar ability usable by warblades)
DM: (either adopting the tone of "I can't win this argument" or "fuck it, I'll deal with it later" -- I couldn't tell which) Well, if one of you was a fighter, I would worry, but you're not, so it's okay.
Azer: I'm gonna screw you over! (lowering an eraser towards the 'class' part of his character sheet)

The characters turn to the equipment part of the process, grumbling at the prices of anything not bronze -- ten times the list prices.

Brennan: Ha ha! Metal armor! Because I buy at cost!
Khor: You don't pay ten times extra?
Brennan: Nope, I'm a dwarf.
Khor: ...buy everything you can and come sell it at ten times the cost here in the human town. Seriously. We're taking down this economy.
DM: Your clan would very strongly frown on that.
Khor: Do it!
DM: Fine, you pay double price!
Brennan: Dammit!
Khor: Why you gotta crush all his dreams? I'm going to make that the title of this game.

Character creation is at last complete, and with a small amount of time left in the day, the players elect to start a little bit of gaming.

Wlllow: Half-elven ranger, outcast amongst both sides of her heritage.
Khor: Human warblade; a primitive misanthrope who lives alone in the woods, but a skilled carpenter.
Brennan: Dwarven smith and cleric, well-known amongst the human villagers.
Azer: A well-respected bard and inhabitant of the town.

Azer: Man, dwarf, half-elf... I'm the youngest person here!
Khor: What are you talking about, grandpa?
Azer: I'm eighteen.
Khor: I'm sixteen. I rolled it.

The DM describes a scene in which Willow, in the depths of the night, walks through the mist-filled woods only to come across Khor's campsite. Cautious, Khor climbs up a tree to hide.

Azer: It's something you've never smelled before -- a female.
Brennan: (squeaky teen voice) "Hello miss!"
Khor: Shut up.

After both rolling well on their hide checks, Khor and Willow lurk in trees for half an hour before a trustworthy elf shows up and Khor drops down to speak with him.

DM: "You must be Khor. You look just like your mother."
Khor: "I have no possible response to that."

The elf informs the pair that a young couple out on a date is about to be attacked by goblins that lurk in the midst. The two set off at a trot, while back in town, Azer discovers that his sister has snuck out into the woods with a man! He swiftly rushes to protect her virtue.

Azer: I leap onto the dwarf's back. "Hi-yah, boy! Giddy up!"
Brennan: (shooting him a dirty look) I get ready for battle. Chain shirt... tabard with "Fe" on it...

After paralytic laughter, the players at last manage to get all their characters in the same place at the same, hustling to intercept the goblins. Some search and scent work finds the trails...

Azer: Are you sure you can tell the difference between a male and a female?
Brennan: (squeaky teen voice) "Thank you, sir!"
Azer: Have your balls even dropped yet?
Khor: First battle, I'll get a crit. (swinging with a fist) BAAAM! (cupping his hand, then dropping it abruptly) SHOONK.
Azer: Then you get a natural one, and they go back in...

And so ended the very abortive session, with our heroes paused on the brink of engagement...