I went to the dentist yesterday to get a couple of fillings done. (Remember, the ones for the cavity that occurred *after* and *only after* I substantially increased my dental hygiene.) He said that there may still be a necessity of a root canal. Both because my life is misery unending and because I'm still experiencing pain and sensitivity (even more now, really), I'm fairly convinced that it's going to have to happen. I'll give it until next week in case it's just general trauma and unhappiness from the dental procedure, but if it still hurts come next week...

And I'm sure it will. And that's $1000+ that I don't have to spend. On top of increased lawyer fees from going to trial. On top of the fillings. On top of the money I owe my mother. It's also another day lost from work right when I don't have the luxury to keep calling off.

I don't know what to do.

I'm going to take a moment to talk about distraction here. The fact of the matter is that my attention span is, quite literally, half a second. Any length of time past that which does not continue to hold my attention seems like a miserable, bored eternity. I generally have ways to compensate for this. I keep things on my desk and web pages open to entertain me during slow parts of my video games. I often spend more time looking for something to read in the bathroom than I do in the bathroom itself. I focus on my work by parceling brief distractions to myself that I can quickly become bored with, thus encouraging myself to return to my work.

That being said, I am always thinking. And that means I can't help but think about these problems. Often. Frequently. Near constantly.

I hoped that tigerphoenix and I could've made it through somehow, but all I've managed to do is drag us down to a position where all we can do, late at night, is hold each other and cry. Because it feels like all we have left, besides each other, is despair.