I'm as cynical as I can possibly make myself be. I am not cynical enough to consider myself a realist.

This is because, according to the anthropic principle, by virtue of the fact that intelligent life exists within the universe, that universe must of *necessity* have certain conditions that permit its existence. Since any intelligent creature or species which was cynical enough to have an accurate and realistic perception of existence would exterminate itself in a frenzy of suicidal mania and despair, we can therefore conclude that fundamental universal laws prohibit that level of cynicism from existing.

This means I can at last stop feeling guilty for not being more cynical! After all, absolute cosmological constants prevent me from doing so!