Friday and Saturday I was just pretty much numb, although toward's Saturday's end I felt bad vibes creeping in. Sunday and yesterday were the days of the worst depression. Feeling worthless, listless, crushed, useless -- all the things that are probably inevitable when one gets fired (unfairly, in my opinion) from a place of employment.

For those of you who have been wondering, or who didn't get much detail, there were four things for which I was investigated and three for which I was fired.

1. Falsification of documents. Basically, I told an employee to change the date on a fire drill. Wrong? Evidently so, but the agency cheerfully and deliberately overlooked the fact that I was trained to do that, and that it occurred much more often then they care to admit. They said I should have somehow known what I was doing was incorrect -- but not a month beforehand I had been told to falsify a self-conducted licensing inspection instrument at the site, outright. So how am I supposed to know which documents are okay to falsify and which aren't without some modicum of guidance? Basically, they needed a fall guy on this one to answer to corporate, and I'm the guy they picked.

2. Leaving a site at 5:30, putting 6 on my timesheet. This is a total, outrageous lie perpetrated by someone who KNOWS it's a lie, but wanted to get rid of me. When she came on site at 5:30, we were in the middle of dinner. I stayed till 5:55, cleaning up, and I even marked myself on a cleaning list as having done some things that required dinner to be OVER before they could be done. Nevertheless, the agency had already decided to fire me, so they didn't bother to check into it, and since I couldn't prove 105% than I'd left when I said I did, it stood.

3. Washing my car on company time. When I pointed out that I was washing the *driveway*, which was covered in dirt after a recent storm, and not my *car* which was in the driveway at the time, they dropped this one.

4. Unprofessional behavior. Basically, they didn't like some jokes I made, and decided this would be a good thing to stick on to make my firing look more justified.

I'm starting to feel a little better, now, though I still am nowhere near up to speed. I really want to get out and DO something. I'd kill to see Shrek 2 right about now, and maybe I would if it weren't for my "don't go to movies alone" policy. I've actually cleaned my room a little, out of a desperate desire to feel productive, and now my closet door closes for the first time in probably a year. My winter coats are even hung up! I'm still working on the rest of the disaster area, though. It's not a one-day project. I'm hoping my mood will improve as my environment does. We'll see.

Just checked mail. I haven't gotten my unemployment compensation papers yet. I filed online on Thursday right when I got home. Well, it does say within the next 10 to 12 days. Patience, young Jedi.

Patience and food.