10 August 2017 @ 09:38 pm


It’s fight time in the adventure once more! We rejoin our heroes in the midst of the battle against fiends and a dragon, the human cultists having been culled like chaff already.

DM: As they poured in to attempt to slay you for your crimes of constantly opposing them and getting in their shit. To be fair, they have a pretty good beef with you.
Eben: It’s the Council’s fault, we should just sell them out.
DM: You guys started before you ever met the Council, you just kept doing it.

Eben and the DM debate just when and how infamous the group became to the dragon cult, while Maldrake angrily demands posters of them be plastered everywhere – though he immediately recants when Thalynmar points out that their group description is enough to identify them to anyone. Krixxix starts off by passing his death roll. Lualyrr finally gets out of the cloudkill!

Maldrake: There’s two bad guys facing Raven, um…
Eben: There’s a DRAGON…
Thalynmar: Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!

Lualyrr has spells and isn’t in melee. This means she has options galore, which the group immediately begins debating.

Maldrake: Let’s have you coax around – I can keep myself up, we’ll have her coax around the dragon, outside – what is the tail’s range? I figure we should fucking know it by now, as people who have fought a lot of dragons.
DM: It’s true, you have extensive experience with getting battered by a dragon’s tail at this point.

The group is briefly distracted by Raven becoming the Son of God thanks to an inconveniently-placed sun. As inevitable as said sun, Lualyrr lobs a Shatter.

DM: Your spell blasts over both of them, knocking over tables and scattering chairs, but neither of the combatants seem much affected.
Krixxix: Does Krixxix’s body flop away?
DM: Would you like to take the damage from it, add another hit to your death?
Krixxix: Mmm, no.
Thalynmar: Oh, watching him ragdoll would be a bit funny.

Thalynmar crits the dragon, because his dice are weighted. Raven goes to town on the fiends, to little effect. Eben has been promoted! (This probably doesn’t actually relate to the game. A yuggoloth tries to injure Raven to the tune of 8 and 7 with two attacks.

Raven: Grr.
Thalynmar: Hey man, I’m just surprised my nose hasn’t gotten chopped off this encounter yet.
DM: The dragon takes a step closer to Thalynmar, lowers it heads to glare at you balefully-
Thalynmar: Oh it wasted its turn glaring.
DM: And then opens its jaw. Acid blasts out, washing over you and Lualyrr. You must make a Dexterity saving throw.
Thalynmar: (rolling) Oh thank Christ.

They both pass, but Lualyrr declares herself dead. She is not, just dropped. The dragon stands on Krixxix’s body to block off people healing Krixxix; the group is irritated by this.

Maldrake: My plan is to go this way regardless! That changes nothing!
DM: He expected you to go the other way, that’s all.
Maldrake: No! Why would I do that? Put me between the dragon and jack-off over there?!
DM: I’m not saying the dragon judged your motivations properly, I’m saying the dragon reacted to what he thought you were going to do. Prove him wrong, Maldrake, it’s your turn.
Maldrake: I have Revivify. I don’t need to be there. I can raise him after he dies. Why doesn’t he just kill him then?
DM: Because he needs his actions to beat the shit out of Thalynmar!

Maldrake smashes the large yuggoloth something fierce with a smite, then clubs it with a followup. The dragon batters Thalynmar with his tail.

DM: Your joints will be feeling that one in the morning.
Raven: Fighting a dragon, we’ll ALL be feeling this one in the morning.

Raven is stabbed by a yuggoloth, and Thalynmar takes another tail slap. The DM waxes into a really long internal monologue on behalf of the larger fiend.

DM: “I’ll strike down this paladin, and earn my paycheck this day.”
Raven: These guys are getting a paycheck?
Maldrake: I do like the idea of them going to a bank.
Eben: There’s checks in D&D?
Maldrake: The check is not it, them going to a bank to cash it. Like a regular-ass bank.
Eben: You said they got paid up front!
DM: That doesn’t mean he earned it yet!
Maldrake: Bank of the Helllords or something.
Krixxix: Hells-Fargo?

The DM does the weirdest and possibly worst Teddy Roosevelt impression ever. Maldrake takes 27 slashing damage. Thalynmar takes another tail slap. Eben tosses a spell into the fray, which leads to the DM revealing the fiends have advantage against magic, which pisses off Maldrake something fierce. Krixxix and Lualyrr roll vs. death, and then Raven and Thalynmar are up! Somehow Thalynmar rolls terribly, but stabs the dragon nonetheless – and then lands a crit. Raven swings at a yuggoloth, and at last manages to cut one down!

DM: The dragon lifts its head and roars challenge to the heavens. Those who have not faced its frightful presence must roll to withstand it!
Thalynmar: 17 save?
DM: Just barely!
Thalynmar: Yay!

Eben fails. This leads to a RIDICULOUS argument.

Thalynmar: It’s not in his flesh. It’s flesh, bone, marrow.
DM: Just because there’s a level in-between doesn’t mean the marrow isn’t in the flesh.
Thalynmar: Uh-huh. It’s just in the bones.
DM: Plus extra seven to hit on all rolls…
Thalynmar: You’re just mad because I’m correct.
DM: I’m mad because you’re being extra-technical for some goddamn reason!

Hopefully coincidentally, the bite attack on Thalynmar crits, and then the dragon tosses him into the air to slam him to the ground with a claw. The DM tries to be cinematically descriptive, and as usual has to explain everything he was saying and regrets his life choices once again.

DM: The dragon brings it claws down, trying to slam them into you as you rise to your feet – and at that moment you lift your glaive up.
Thalynmar: Did it roll a 1?
DM: Yes. Its open hand slams down onto the point of the glaive, and it yanks it back, a streak of blood shooting through the air.

Dragon and dwarf trade taunts, while the yuggoloth curses Maldrake’s magic as he smites, to much description that finally pleases Maldrake, if only because it mews like a kitten somehow.

DM: “Are you close to not breathing?” asks the dragon.
Thalynmar: “Nope.” I lie.
DM: You take 19 points of damage as his tail slaps you.
Thalynmar: “Little closer.”
DM: “How close?”
Maldrake: ‘Two more tail slaps.’
Thalynmar: “I can’t put a number on it.”
Krixxix: 35 on my Deception. “I’m not dead yet!”

The smaller yuggoloth attacks Raven and breaks his nose with his trident, eww. Raven is only angry. Thalynmar gets tail-slapped for 16.

Thalynmar: My head’s not doing math tonight, it scares me.
DM: Thalynmar’s given up.
Thalynmar: I’m down to 10. He’s getting there.
DM: The nycoloth speaks a mere word of magic and disappears.
Thalynmar: “FAGGOT!” I mean… “COWARD!”
Raven: He goes, ‘I’m out of here,’ zoop.
Maldrake: Is that a withdraw or something?
DM: He cast a spell of invisibility. You can no longer see him to make an attack as he flees your space.
Thalynmar: Except all dragonborn come with True Seeing.
DM: Well. Huh. I don’t remember that in the Player’s H—hey, this looks like it was written in pencil!

The final tail slap knocks down Thalynmar for good, and the dragon taunts him. Maldrake gets irritatingly literal at the dragon, wearying it. Eben, up next, ponders how to get around the restrictions of dragonfear to still lay some hurt.

DM: You could always go polymorph Raven into the giant ape.
Raven: My sword’s not magical so it’s not like I’m doing a lot.
Eben: Would that actually be a good idea…

Yes it would, being the equivalent of a massive heal and temporary HP for days and a massive strength and damage buff, and so Eben does just this. Lualyrr, Krixxix, and Thalynmar all struggle to live. Krixxix is at 2 and 2, Lualyrr chalks up another successful roll, and Thalynmar…

Thalynmar: 20?!
DM: You regain a hit point.
Thalynmar: Yeah, I know!
DM: And surge to your feet.
Thalynmar: “Still breathing!”
DM: “The fuck. The fuck!?” The dragon gestures at Thalynmar, and looks around as if to be like, ‘is anybody else seeing this?’
Maldrake: “It’s not the first time it’s happened!”
Thalynmar: ‘He’s stubborn.’
Raven: My teammates are too stubborn to die, he realized that too late.

Raven punches the yuggoloth into the night sky. The group is incredibly fascinated by this turn of events, and his speed of 40, Climb 40.

Thalynmar: Is he like a silverback? Good lord.
DM: Also he’s huge, not just large.
Raven: I obviously am heading straight for the dragon.
Maldrake: I figured, I had you Winston it over here.
DM: The dragon looks between the giant ape and the dwarf that just got up, trying to make sense of all of this.
Maldrake: “If it makes you feel better, this is the first time we tried it!”

The dragon starts to move, but Thalynmar lands his AOO and uses his newly acquired Sentinel feat to drop his maneuver to 0. The dragon is unable to adjust his breath to include Maldrake, and acid-breaths the dwarf and the giant ape only.

Maldrake: “If it makes you feel any better, I’m resistant to acid.”
DM: “Oh. You’re right. I forgot to account for that when I came up with this plan.” You take 58 points of acid damage in the great ape form. Now you’re also a silverFRONT, as the acid burns your fur.
Raven: This is all just starting to piss me off more and more.
Eben: What, the DM’s dad-jokes?
Thalynmar: Please tell me we turned him into a purple ape. ‘Grape Ape. Grape Ape.’
DM: We’ve got a gorilla for sale, Magill Gorilla for sale… Maldrake, you’re up. All sorts of shit is going down, Maldrake. All sorts of shit is going down.

Maldrake slides past the dragon and heals Thalynmar for 60 hit points, dumping his entire Lay on Hands pool into him and absolutely infuriating the dragon. Said dragon attempts to get out of Dodge with its wing buffet attack, bowling over those nearby and killing Krixxix incidentally.

Maldrake: He seems awfully anxious to get you in a position where you can legally sit at the couch and play video games, I don’t understand it.
DM: Eben shakes off his fear.
Eben: Where’s the invisible beast?
Maldrake: He’s over there somewhere. He’s invisible. He ran. Just throw a bigass fireball and hope you hit him…

Eben hurls a Blight of some sort onto the dragon to the tune of an autopass save and thus less damage, and then Ape Raven is up!

Krixxix: In your gorilla frenzy, please do not toss the body of the halfing across the room—
Thalynmar: Look, he’s dead, do what you will.
Eben: He’ll be revivified.
Raven: If I toss him to the moon and then he gets revivified, does he get to be an astronaut?
Thalynmar: Ape and dwarf attacking as one!
DM: This really HAS become a game of Overwatch – did you roll a 20?!
Thalynmar: I did.
DM: Why can’t you ever roll a 1, Thalynmar? You haven’t rolled one in, like, ever. What the fuck is with that? Those damn dwarven dice, I never should have gotten you those.

The dragon regains its breath and unleashes an awesome blast on Thalynmar, Raven, and Maldrake – the latter of whom deflects it all with his shield. The dragon also tries to get away from the group, getting beaned with an AOO or two in the process, and Maldrake uses Relentless Avenger to get to his feet. Eben, who is levitating, gets in a one-sided argument with the DM over his height. Maldrake makes with the smiting, and the dragon bashes with his tail.

DM: Well, Eben, I give you full points for planning. 10 feet is enough to get you out of danger, especially as you’re floating over the table in turn. This guy, who can no longer attack you, reappear just as he’s leveling a blow at Thalynmar with his axe. Several images swirl around him. He clearly took his time to prepare for melee conflict. And despite everything he may have missed that first hit, even with fucking advantage…

The DM curses, and Thalynmar takes 13 slashing from the second attack. Eben is up, while Maldrake rages that one of their foes must surely be near death! The dragon tail-bashes Thalynmar, who blocks with his shield and makes some strange gestures.

DM: You tie your glaive in a knot and hand it to the nycolath, I don’t know why.
Krixxix: And then punch him in the face while he’s confused.
Thalynmar: Then take it back.

Furious table pounding ensues for some reason, possibly because someone is using a super. Eben lobs a dispel at the hurlin-burlin, by which he means the yuggoloth, and snuffs out the dispel. Lualyrr stabilizes, and Thalynmar whacks at the yuggoloth.

DM: You bash it with the hilt of your glaive, then whirl around and slash through it. A great wound opens up on its chest. It clutches at it, drops to its knees, and reaches out at you with a necromantically-tainted hand.
Thalynmar: Eugh.
DM: (over the laughter of the group) It scrapes slowly down your armor, leaving white-tinged streaks as it collapses at your feet.
Eben: Don’t worry, Magic Eraser will get that right out.
Raven: Well, that makes my turn simple.
Maldrake: You can just move straight to the dragon.
Raven: That dragon’s getting its head punched off.
DM: The dragon reaches back under a wing and pulls out a potion. It says, “He who koops and runs away lives to koop another day,” slams it down, and exits through the door.
Eben: Bullshit.

Raven misses twice, somehow. The dragon tries to withdraw, only for Thalynmar’s Sentinel feat to shut him down again! The group beats the holy shit out of the dragon, finishing him brutally.

Maldrake: He waited till the last second! Was he seriously like, ‘You know what, I got this!’
Eben: Maldrake, basking in his glory, neglects to revive Krixxix!
DM: He really did have that, till Thalynmar rolled the 1 hit point regain and Raven turned into a giant ape. You gotta admit, the tide of battle was actually on his side.

Maldrake zips over to raise Krixxix, and then the group prepares to deal with the cultists outside, which the DM had earlier said were waiting to pincushion any of them with arrows!

DM: I can’t believe you believed me on that… He returns to life with 1 hit point. And it costs you diamonds worth 300 gold pieces, so mark off 300 gold from Krixxix’s sheet…

Some audio gets lost, but not enough for Maldrake’s declaration that he owns Krixxix to be forgotten to time. They lop the other dragon’s head off and put it on the counter next to the first one, then try to figure out where to go from here.

Thalynmar: First of all, let’s go see if the paladins are here and okay. See if we can find the bartender, too, if she’s all right.
Maldrake: The bartender apparently made her way back into the bar.
Krixxix: No, she came to buy us a drink when she saw the second dragon head sitting on the counter.
Maldrake: D-w-wait, did she?
DM: (voice going up an octave) NO! Don’t let him be deceiving you OUT OF CHARACTER too!
Maldrake: I’m just making sure. You didn’t say anything.
DM: I assumed you wouldn’t listen to Krixxix’s bullshit.

They don’t know for certain what to do, given that their first message was intercepted, but Maldrake’s second message should lead the Council to them at Boreskyr. Thalynmar steps outside, and hears marching steps in tandem with a chant to keep time. The paladins appear to be coming their way! They also find horses laden down with treasure, which they debate about taking or not.

Maldrake: We can just assume the DM will get us loot either way, so we don’t have to worry about it…

The DM gives up and admits to this blatantly, because he’s tired.

Krixxix: Would it be right to give gold to the families of those who died here
Thalynmar: Who the hell are you?
Krixxix: I died, I had an epiphany!

The DM, who has discovered an online treasure generator, gives them a ridiculous list. It includes a spyglass, Jarslberg cheese, gems and trade bars, and some interesting loot like a candle of invocation and a longbow with a lot of flavor text. Thalynmar is mercilessly clawed by a cat, to the amusement of all. Satisfied with their accomplishment, they try to end the game. The DM doesn’t stand for this, and the paladins and their footmen march up to inquire what has gone on.

Krixxix: Who are we talking to? The paladins are part of the Council?
Eben: Everyone’s on the Council. Everyone opposing us.

The paladins begin securing Boreskyr, while their leader bows to the adventurers and offers them shelter in the castle. They offer to help with the cleanup, though the paladins demur.

DM: The paladin introduces himself to you all as Sir Cudgel.
Eben: Sir Cudgel.
DM: Sir Mer’dovich. Fine.
Thalynmar: That name sounds vaguely familiar…
Eben: We’ve… met him before?
DM: He met the squire of Sir Cudgel. It’s a caaaallback!
Maldrake: “It’s good to finally meet you in person. I met your squire some time ago.”
DM: “Oh! You were the dragonborn he spoke of, who went off searching for the murderer who came through here. Yes, we got your report on the yuan-ti in the area. I suppose it’s fortunate we have so many men here to help with this because we are preparing to move on them.”
Maldrake: “Excellent. I’ve done what I can inside.”
DM: “You’ve done more than enough.”
Maldrake: I’m dragging the other head and our prisoner.
DM: He pauses—
Maldrake: “This was from an earlier kill. We wanted to bring it to the Council to show—“
Lualyrr: “We’re actually killing dragons.”
DM: You’ve finally gotten somewhere. You stick the two heads together neck to neck nd animate then with necromantic magic. ‘Our life is suffering!’ Instead of CatDog it’s DragonDragon.

They are given an escort to the castle, with Lualyrr expecting to be judged for her race the entire time . They are given comfortable quarters and much care, despite the appearance of the God of War, Remus Lupin. They gain a night’s sleep and take it without the slightest second thought. Thalynmar drowns in the tub, apparently. A tapping at the window catches Maldrake’s attention!

Maldrake: It’s a bird.
DM: It’s a bat.
Eben: Bir’dovich.
Raven: Batbird!
DM: The bat flaps in, a small note tied to its leg.
Krixxix: I can’t get the note off. (miming cutting off the bat’s leg)
Maldrake: …no?
DM: The familiar writing of Leosin. The message says, “Received words from elves. DO not go to Boreskyr Bridge. Come back. Urgent.”
Maldrake: Is there something with it?
DM: No. “We will come to find you as soon as possible.”
Maldrake: Borescale Bridge, where’s that?
DM: It’s where you are. Where the message from Maccath told you to go. By now you’ve cleanly deduced it was a trap.
Krixxix: Return message: “Message received. Go fuck yourselves, we’re already here.” Attach severed dragon head from trap that was set.
Maldrake: We can’t do that! The poor bat is just barely fucking holding on… How many spell slots for Charm Familiar can you get? 30 bats for each head, flying across the countryside.

Maldrake hangs out with the paladins, quietly betraying a secret desire for respect and affirmation from his peers. A sharp crack outside awakens them the next morning.

Raven: I’m going to look out the window, naturally.
DM: You peer out the window. Unfortunately, your room is on the back side of the castle. You see nothing.
Maldrake: We head to the other side of the castle where the sound was!

They head down to the great foyer and thence the courtyard in time to see Lord Neverember himself stalking in at the front of a number of men.

DM: His expression lightens dramatically when he spots you all.
Eben: Is he mad that we were—
DM: ‘HOW DARE YOU SURVIVE!’ he bellows, ripping off his face to reveal a dragon mask beneath.
Krixxix: ‘Thank god you’re alive. Arrest the traitors!’
DM: ‘Arrest Krixxix! I don’t know why, but I’m sure there’s a reason.’
Krixxix: I died in this battle, I didn’t even do anything!

Lord Neverember apologizes for their circumstances, and assures them they will no longer be sent out without transport back.

Raven: “They kind of did ambush us, it’s kind of their fault that we’re their enemies.”
Maldrake: Their first mistake was going to the town!
DM: Their first mistake was rolling characters.

The DM calls for Perception checks as they tell Neverember about Neronvain; a couple of them spot a dragon winging through the clouds towards them!

Thalynmar: “Welp! Dragon.”
Krixxix: Oh shit get DOWN!
Eben: It’s a good dragon.
Maldrake: What color is it?
DM: You can’t tell at this distance.
Lualyrr: Gimme that spyglass!

The dragon is silver! The dragon council is set to begin, Neverember tells them, so it is surely related. The dragon lands on the outer wall.

Krixxix: Do the guards freak out and start trying to shoot it?
DM: They’ve had forewarning, though they are all backed up against the far wall. Only discipline and their oaths keep them from fleeing.
Maldrake: I’m gonna try to tell them it’s okay—
DM: Except the ones within 10 feet of you.

Maldrake and, weirdly, Krixxix try to persuade the guards that all is well (although Krixxix may have been lying). The dragon addresses the PCs, telling them the time has come to attend the council, then joins them in the courtyard.

Maldrake: The dragon sees me do this… (miming hiding behind his shield) ‘What are you doing?’ ‘I’m watching out for your tail. Dragons seem to do that a lot.’
Krixxix: Krixxix falls on the ground. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Dying, that’s what I do when faced with a dragon.’
Thalynmar: Before we go, I’m going to put 500 gold in a sack, and put a note in it saying, ‘Sorry, that party got a little bit more wild than I thought.’ I’ll have a paladin deliver it to what’s-her-face. Bolo.
Krixxix: Fail on my Sleight of Hand to pickpocket that sack and switch it with one full of copper.
Thalynmar: If he wants to die by my hand…
Maldrake: I do like the idea that at the very last battle, Krixxix is like, ‘We did it, guys!’ (miming stabbing him) ‘Yeah. We did it.’ He collapses, and the last enemy was put down.

Off they head on the back of the council, right up until they discover the dragon is secretly Tiamat in disguise who flies them into space. The flight takes two full days, with only brief stops at their request.

Thalynmar: ‘Bladder full…’
DM: You note interestingly that whenever Thalynmar makes a request of her, she seems not to hear it.
Krixxix: Krixxix ties himself down, walks to the edge of the dragon… Zoop! Just pees off the edge of the dragon.
DM: (miming the dragon tilting)
Krixxix: That’s why I tied myself up first!
DM: Tail tail tail tail tail tail…

After 600 miles of flight, the characters reach the great Nether Mountains, having seen great depredations beneath them as they wing over the Realms. Into the peaks of the mountains she heads, then heads down into a secluded valley and lands.

DM: “We are here.”
Thalynmar: “Thanks, lass!”
Krixxix: Three points of damage as I fall off the dragon.
DM: As you all step off the dragon stalks forward. The fog ahead of her seems to part as she enters it, and billows back over the form of other great dragons, all of them of massive size, who regard you from raised platforms. The dragon who has thus far escorted you takes the center platform.
Maldrake: Woo! Go copper!

There is one of each good dragon kind, and they apparently call out their types in order to summon Captain Planet. The gold dragon rises to address them all.

DM: “Greetings, mortals. I am Prontathar. This is Illythra,” as he points a wing to the brass dragon that sits opposite him. “You have made the acquaintance of Otaryliankos.” The silver dragon on whom you rode. “This is Nymyr,” and he points his wing to the bronze, “and Tazmikela, the copper.”
Eben: Call her Taz for short.
Thalynmar: Down in Taz-mania, come to Taz-mania…
DM: A quick look around shows that most of the dragons seem less than pleased about your presence here.
Maldrake: I wouldn’t expect anything less.
DM: Though the bronze regards you with open curiosity and what seems to be general warmth.

The game pauses, distracted by a cat.

DM: “This council is here to determine what shall be done about Tiamat. For her rise is nigh.”
Krixxix: I wanted to say something so bad. ‘It’s about time y’all got involved in this—‘
DM: ‘Why do all of you have a hand on that one’s shoulders?’
Maldrake: He’s just trapped in hands.
DM: “Your human councils, elves, dwarves – you have been making your own steps to do whatever it is you are doing. We are not, however, certain that you will be of any use to us. But we have brought you here to find out if you can.”
Maldrake: “Sounds fair.”
Thalynmar: “We have slain two already…”
DM: “Know that MY position is that we should be striking already.”
Krixxix: “I’m right there with you!”
Maldrake: It’s hard for you to speak when your CHEST IS BEING COMPRESSED!
DM: “But that would put many of your people in great danger—“
Krixxix: “Sounds like their problem!”
Maldrake: He’s not speaking. He’s unable to.
Eben: Mr. Krixxix, what good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?
Thalynmar: “You can always coordinate…”
DM: “The question is, why should we?”
Krixxix: “Pawns.”
DM: The copper dragon snorts, which is enough to add a faintly acrid tone to the air. “Working together with mortals, in fact any interaction with mortals, has only done worse for both of us.”
Maldrake: “Then what has stayed your hand? The rise of Tiamat cannot be a good thing for the realm of dragons, period. You show an amount of concern for the mortals that you may or may not harm in your counterstrike. So the question is, what truly stays your hand?”
DM: “This council. That is what stays this hand. We will make a decision here and then we will act on it.’
Krixxix: “So you’re saying it’s the gold’s fault.”
Maldrake: “The gold’s not holding them back, it’s probably the bronze.”
DM: “That is not entirely true. I called for this Council knowing full well that it is required by tradition and honor that we allow you mortal races position on it. A chance to speak your peace. That is how we do things. And just because I may not WISH to do it does not mean that I shall simply abandon that.”
Krixxix: “How nice.”
Maldrake: “Well, our position is to prevent Tiamat’s rise, to stop the Cult and break it entirely. As of now, many have already died. Deaths would continue whether you act swiftly or not, so the swifter you act, the better, in my opinion. We as mortals will have to step out of underfoot, as it were.”
DM: “Now hold on!” The bronze dragon lifts himself up. “You’re underselling yourself a lot here! You’ve already done a great number of good things! It would be much better, MUCH better, if we all worked together! But more importantly, because you of the lesser races have a choice! You have a choice! Between good and evil. We are dragons, we are made in the image of Bahamut, we are of course about as perfect as you can get. You all are not! And that makes it all the more important that your choices be given credit! You have the opportunity to turn to evil, you have the opportunity to be good. You all have done good! And we, dragons, would be foolish not to value and give credence to that!”
Eben: Is he trying to convince them or us? What’s Neverember got to say?! WHY ARE WE DOING THE TALKING!?
Maldrake: “You know our deeds, you know I don’t need to overstate them. I know that when today ends and you have made your decision, I will be still out on the front, fighting this treat, protecting what I can, and holding the line.”
Eben: Almost slipped out. ‘Fighting those scummy dragons…’
Thalynmar: “We all share this world. Let us fight together.”
DM: “And occasionally kill dragons,” the silver speaks up, looking at you with a glare.
Thalynmar: “Aye. Valuable ones! Black and green.”
DM: “How EAGERLY you forget.”
Maldrake: “We’ve let four go. They lived. These two just, ah, tripped on the way out. We’ve let four go.”
Eben: They decapitated themselves in our presence.
Krixxix: “What else do you act us to do when faced with them in mortal combat? Die?”
Lualyrr: “I think they mean the chromatic dragons. As a rule, the five of us don’t tend to go after your kind.”
DM: “So quickly your dwarf friend forgets the dragonmoots.”
Thalynmar: “What are you talking about?”
DM: “Your people, in the old time – great hunts where entire clans would come together to hunt down a dragon.”
Thalynmar: “Ancient times.”
DM: “Ancient times? Ancient times?! How quickly you forget.”
Thalynmar: “I didn’t forget, I hadn’t been born!”
Maldrake: It was a TUESDAY!
DM: “Well, let me know when you have a niece, so we dragons might kill her and you might know how it feels and not so easily forget. Shall we?”
Thalynmar: “…All right…?”
Maldrake: “Not entirely sure your goal with your speech there.”
Lualyrr: “You could always hate me for the actions of my people.”
DM: Prontathar snorts. “Actually, I am the one who finds elves to be the most reprehensible of mortal races.”
Lualyrr: “But I am not just an elf.”
Maldrake: Are dragonborn like the retard children of dragons, is that what I’m expected to be here?
DM: To that Tazmikala looks at you and shakes her head. “More proof that dragons and mortal races interacting are just disastrous.”
Thalynmar: Damn.
Maldrake: “Oh, thanks. That’s great.”

The PCs argue for man and dragon to set aside differences and make the right choice, at which the silver asks them to have the dwarves make a concession of an apology and the return of the armor made out of her niece.

Krixxix: God I hope we get that armor…

The dragon insists on her apology, with heavy words directed at Thalynmar; they determine that these dragonmoots were centuries ago, though the DM reminds them that dragons do not think like humans and that this is a mortal insult. The group refuses to make a promise to get the apology, though.

Thalynmar: I’m not agreeing to that bullshit. Why doesn’t that gold dragon intervene, like, “He’s not really a dwarf, guys.”
DM: They don’t know.
Thalynmar: Really? I thought it might have been – oh, Bahamut did it, didn’t he.
DM: Yeah.
Thalynmar: That bastard. Why didn’t Bahamut let them know?

The bronze tells them the rules; three must vote in favor, while none must wield absolute veto. Prontathar in turn asks for a similar apology from elfkind for the dracorage mythal of yore.

Krixxix: 35 on my Deception. “I PROMISE I will go to the elves and ask them to, uh—“
DM: You have no credence on your deception when everyone else flatly refused on their last one, too.

The group is even more skeptical of this one, though Krixxix offers to assassinate leaders until they get a pliant one. The dragons quietly point out they can hear them, and this earns the attention of the copper dragon.

DM: “You have something of mine. A bow.”
Thalynmar: A bow! (dissolving into laughter)
Maldrake: The gross bow?!
DM: “Yes. In fact. It was stolen from my hoard a long time ago. Doesn’t surprise me a little sneak-thief like you would end up with it.”
Krixxix: (audibly struggling) “All this aside, I did come by this bow by chance. I was not the one who originally stole it from you.”
DM: “Doesn’t mean it’s not mine. I would appreciate it back.”
Krixxix: “Absolutely. Now I will be happy to return it to you AFTER all this—“
Eben: ‘Krixxix, can you not see it is the perfect sized bow for its claws?’
DM: “Mock me if you will, but I took that from a black dragon I cut down after a long fight. I’m rather proud of that fact.”
Eben: “No offense intended, noble dragon…”
DM: “You guys are slopped over with money like’s no one’s business, especially if you’d killed a pair of dragons and defeated several more in their lairs. I’m asking for it out of sentimental value. You can buy another.”
Thalynmar: No we can’t! The rules won’t let us!

The players yell angrily at them, as the dragon council disdains their metaknowledge. The rest of the group leans on him to give up the bow.

Maldrake: Are these guys sitting on treasure?>>?
DM: No. They did not bring their treasure. They knew Krixxix was there.

Krixxix tries to bargain with the dragon, insisting that he would be unarmed, but the dragon is unyielding. Krixxix begs to know what else he could use to replace his poor bow!

DM: “The Bow of Shooting Good. It lets you shoot good. I heard of it. It’s legendary.”
Thalynmar: ‘You can find it in Waterdeep cheap. Get out of here. Give me my bow back.’
Eben: ‘My sentimentally valuable bow.’

Eben rolls History to throw dragon misdeeds back in the faces of this council; the DM wonders openly if this is the best way to persuade the dragons to work with mortal races. Krixxix finally gives up his bow, the conciliatory words choking him as he speaks them,

DM: “I would appreciate an apology on behalf of your kind for stealing it, too.”
Maldrake: (race-changing to an owlborn) WHO~O! Who stole it?!
DM: “Some thief, I don’t know.”
Thalynmar: You’ve got no scruples, just apologize!

Krixxix lies up an apology; the DM bemusedly points out that they inadvertently assembled a group that pisses the entire council. Some audio is lost; we rejoin our heroes having promised a full third of the treasure taken from the cult to the dragons. Doubtless this will displease the Council, but the dragons now seem very inclined to work with them. They also agree to turn over the dragon masks to the dragons at the end, a pact which the brass favors dearly. Krixxix and the gold dragon get in a ridiculous argument.

Krixxix: “So you have no intention of working with us at all?”
DM: “We are going to work with you.”
Krixxix: “So then why are you arguing with be about everything when I try to say it?”
DM: “Your arguments are irrelevant to the ultimate goal!”
Thalynmar: “Don’t bring elephants into this.”
DM: “That was lunch. Are we decided, then? Will any speak against them?” The dragons look among each other, but none speaks.
Krixxix: The bronze starts to say something, and the gold says, ‘Shut your mouth!’

With that, the dragon council votes in favor of working with mortal races. Success accrues to the heroes once more!

DM: “Warlock. I desire a moment of your time personally.”
Krixxix: ‘I don’t like the undead.’
DM: “Come.” The dragon rises – the gold one – stalks off the pedestal, and heads further into the valley, brushing past the large bodies of his comrades to do so.
Eben: (mimes flying) I’m just gonna fly. I have to, to keep up with him.
DM: The dragon leads you off, several hundred feet down the foggy path. It’s like stepping into another world here, the feeling of great and ancient power looms around you.
Eben: “What is this place?”
DM: “It is a dragon place.”
Thalynmar: ‘Well duh.’
DM: “If you feel anything, that is it. You… have a connection to our enemy, do you not?”
Eben: “You’re referring to a personal connection, or an ethereal one?”
DM: “It seems to have made you IMpersonal.”
Eben: “That would be my death you speak of.”
DM: “Or what has brought you back.”
Eben: I don’t remember…
DM: Your ability to sense where your enemy is?

They quickly rehash exactly what Eben’s sense-Tiamat power is, for clarity’s sake. The dragon wishes to use that connection, by laying a spell upon Eben that will act shortly after Tiamat returns to the plane. Eben agrees to this.

DM: The dragon, in perhaps one of the most terrifying displays you have ever seen, lowers one claw to your head. Fortunately, it stops, as with surprising delicacy he merely touches you. You feel a brief warmth inside you, such as you have not felt since breath left your body for the last time, and then he withdraws the claw.
Eben: Would Knowledge(arcana) benefit me here?
DM: You may certainly make the attempt.
Eben: (rolling) Nope.
DM: You don’t know.
Eben: I will ask what he has done to me.
Krixxix: ‘Don’t worry about it.’
DM: “How to put it… in a way that you will understand.”
Eben: ‘Answer me, wyrm!’
DM: STAAAAFF! “Such a binding that draws you to here could be used both ways. Should she awaken on this plane, she will be a goddess. That might prove to your detriment. This should… call it a contingency.”
Eben: “If I am destroyed, it will harm her?”
DM: “No, but suppose she could strike at you through eldritch means, using that connection to bypass your defenses.”
Eben: “I don’t know that she would have to resort to such to cause me permanent harm.”
DM: “Thus far you have proved that you can take on foes that would otherwise underestimate you. Tiamat, though infinitely arrogant, is not so foolish as to sacrifice everything that brought her here, simply for the sake of failing to use a convenient tool, I think.”
Eben: “You mentioned a benefit to myself to this?”
DM: “Do you WISH her to use it against you?”

With their business concluded, the group levels up! The dragons will return them to Waterdeep to meet the Council once again… NEXT TIME!