25 July 2016 @ 07:03 pm

The game opens with an argumentative and political confrontation over the name of the campaign, which leads to Barack building a wall to keep dwarves out of his realm.

DM: Ooh, intra-party conflict! This adventure writes itself! Speaking of! Krixxix, you’re doing stuff. Everybody, Krixxix is doing stuff! You better stop that.
Maldrake: We’re gonna build a wall to keep Krixxix out of the party.
Thalynmar: And he’s gonna pay for it.
DM: Last time, as you recall, you had gotten in an epic fight in the treasure-sorting room, slash dining room, with pretty much everything on the top floor of the castle.
Eben: Thank you for taking that out of my head.
Raven: And we kicked their flanks.
DM: Yes, after much complaining about the mooks piling in.

The transcriptionist ponders documenting complaints in the audio by time and speaker to resolve future debates over who complained about what. Meanwhile, the PCs find themselves with a keep to explore.

Maldrake: Is there gonna be another place where it’s like, ‘well you guys didn’t explore the upper floors of the castle!’
Eben: He didn’t design this dungeon.
Makdrake: He might have put treasure up there.
DM: You all see a lizardman coming out with all these valuable artifacts of dragonslaying. “Finders keepers.”

Maldrake angrily refuses to paint minis due to quality issues, despite the fact that the DM and Eben have both painted passable minis and are… the DM and Eben.

Thalynmar: What’s the opposite of one-upping each other?
DM: One-downing each other.
Thalynmar: You guys are like, “I’m the worst!” “No I’m the worst!”
Maldrake: Let’s make our way down to recover the treasure.

Down they head into the caverns and dungeons beneath, finding themselves in a cool and poorly-lit area with the moisture coating everything. Ahead of them, water flows through a low gap in the walls, while stairs lead off in two different directions. The DM checks passive Perceptions – strangely, Raven has the highest.

Eben: We take the stairs.
Thalynmar: Let’s take the stairs.
DM: Which ones?
Eben: The ones that descend upwards.

A pause.

Thalynmar: (bursting into laughter) Ah, the stoney look.
DM: All right, you find yourself on an Escher staircase.
Eben: Oooh!
DM: You’re lost in time and space.
Raven: Aaand you’ve been devoured.

The PCs assemble in marching order, as everyone checks their darkvision. Heading northwards, maybe, they find a ledge with a 15 foot drop and a crane atop it! And also, reluctantly, a ladder.

DM: I was kinda hoping someone would be like, “I’m jumping!”
Thalynmar: (miming tearing apart the ladder) ‘NOW we jump.’
Raven: And we all die.
Thalynmar: No, it’s like, ‘Okay Krixxix, get in those crane arms’. (malicious laughter, followed by MORE malicious laughter) Alignment shift!
DM: You’re now even more Lawful Good.

Eben peers at it with his superior darkvision, spying swirling mist pooled down below and flowing down side passages. The party walks around a bit to torment Maldrake, who is the end of the party snake, and the party spends a while trying to figure out what the catch is to this deep mist. Eben lobs some rocks down to determine the depth of the mist.

DM: Someone turn Raven up a little bit, he’s saying things.
Raven: I AM saying things.
Thalynmar: Raven, you are a sexy man, I want you to know that.
DM: I said turn him up, not turn him on.
Thalynmar: Oh, sorry. I retract my statement.
Krixxix: But you’re still sexy. It just didn’t come out of Thalynmar’s mouth…
Raven: I’m not sure how to take that…

The party attempts to turn off falling damage for a bit, but are not in a video game. Raven elects to head down the ladder first, while Krixxix attempts to zipline with the crane. The DM calls for a d20 roll and Raven gets a 17.

DM: You step carefully off. The mist swirls around his knees.
Maldrake: That’s when a strange figure comes out and pushes you off!
DM: He’s at the bottom already!
Thalynmar: Not his knees! He needs those to live.
Raven: This is kinda weird.
Thalynmar: “Is it stable?”
Raven: “The ground is here but the mist is kinda weird.”
Eben: Maldrake! Shoot the ground! It’s no cave!
Maldrake: Pew!
Eben: (cracking up) We’re inside a big bullywug!
Thalynmar: Oh my god! I thought that ladder was kind of sinewy!

Down they all head, with Krixix finding himself up to his eyebrows in mist and the entire party making mist puns. Eben realizes he has access to firebolt, for momentary mist dispersion!

Maldrake: Seems like a wasteful use of that spell.
Eben: It’s a cantrip.
Maldrake: Oh. I thought you said fireball!
Krixxix: I thought fireball too. Wouldn’t that kill us?
Thalynmar: I say we give it a try. What’s the worst that can happen? We die, we get to go home.
DM: “I am the genie of the mist, here to UWAAAAAAGH!”
Maldrake: As the fire leaves your fingers, the fire instantly explodes.
DM: In this sulfurous mist.
Thalynmar: ‘Why does it smell like eggs down here?’
DM: Nothing but methane, bat guano, and saltpeter down here.

Eben does it anyway! The DM calls for Perception from Eben, who is the one with ultra-darkvision as a warlock, and he believes he sees something strange on the floor down the passageway! Maldrake molests the DM with a hand-shaped back scratcher.

Maldrake: I figure if I’m in the back, I could die. I’m ready, though. As a player. (showing the DM 4d6) Always be prepared.
DM: You point-buy in this system!
Maldrake: (pausing, then grabbing a pencil and paper) Always be prepared.
DM: As you step into the room, those of you with keener senses, i.e. everyone but Thalynmar and Krixix, notice—
Thalynmar: What?! Oh. Passive. Passive, all right. I have darkvision, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, asshole?!
DM: You can see in the dark, you just can’t see things in the dark.
Maldrake: The bad guys are like, ‘everyone stay still!’

They spot a huge cirle inscribed on the floor, Well, most of them do. The DM calls for Arcana rolls for all, and some recognize it as a teleportation circle!

Thalynmar: How big is it?
DM: Very big. Substantially big.
Thalynmar: Hmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm.
Eben: It’s where they’re sending all our treasure.
Thalynmar: Oh! Ohhh.
DM: I take it back, the answer to your question is ‘How big is WHAT?’
Thalynmar: Thank you. I’m sitting here, why am I asking this question? That’s not roleplaying!

There is no clear way to activate the circle, though. The players vow to solve this mystery in record time, in order to watch Bethesda’s E3 presentation.

Thalynmar: The DM remembers the last time that happened. We threw our wallets at the fucking screen.
DM: They’re not going to be presenting Fallout 4 this time!
Maldrake; Rumor has it… I saw three people walking into the building. Half Life 3 confirmed, Bethesda presentation.

Bethesda ends up announcing that Skyrim will finally look half as good on consoles as it does on PCs and no one forgives the transcriber for noting this, but that happens later. They travel on, forcing the DM to pick a direction for them. The DM sends them down a different passage.

DM: You head out of the chamber and make a sharp right, and immediately find yourself facing stairs.
Eben: Who’s staring at us?
DM: (icy look)
Eben: Heh heh heh! Come on, that was worthy of you.

Up the stairs they go, finding themselves in a frog-filled shrine. Maldrake hurries to roll Religion.

Eben: Oh! This is the chamber of Hi Ho, Kermit De Frog here!
DM: You can recognize elements of this design that are taken from both Gaunadur, god of slimes, and Shar, goddess of shadows.
Thalynmar: I thought you were going to say gonorrhea.

In the background, Krixxix menaces a child. The PCs stand and stare at the chamber for a while, then realize their game is not paused and continue deeper in. They find themselves in a large chamber with a chair, candles, and a chest!

Maldrake: Why are we opening the chest? We don’t get good loot in this.
DM: Make a Perception check.
Krixxix: 15.
DM: Oh, there is indeed a trap on this chest!
Krixxix: All right, let’s open it! Since I know it’s coming!
Maldrake: Disarm it first!

Krixxix does indeed disarm the trap, avoiding a bunch of pots falling on his head. Maldrake speculates that the pots contain poison, but no one really wants to check.

DM: You know, this – this adventure is such a bastard, there’s NOTHING in there. However, I put something in there for you guys. (handing over a paper)
Thalynmar: What’s with the paper? ‘Fuck you guys’, aww.
Krixxix: I saw the words ‘OJ Simpson’, is that what really happened?
Maldrake: Oil of Sharpness…
Thalynmar: You’re writing our treasure down for us? Thank Christ, that’s amazing!
Maldrake: (audibly struggling)
Thalynmar: Can – can you not read it?
Maldrake: Deflabbulator?!
DM: (cracking up)
Thalynmar: Driftglobe.
DM: No, it’s a deflabbulator now!
Maldrake: Driftwhat?
Thalynmar: That’s an L and an O.
Maldrake: I thought that was two Bs!

The DM describes the use of the driftglobe, leading to a long debate on the merits of the Daylight spell in this edition. They head back out of the passage, and the DM calls on Eben to make a Perception check as they head down the next turn back at the intersection.

DM: The first warning you get of trouble ahead is spears – spears, not spheres – spears flying out of the darkness towards Raven, who is in the lead. Fortunately his armor class is a fat 18. (rolling) I take back that fortunate thing.

A spear gets through Raven’s armor, and the DM settles in for some serious drawing. He also finds a long-missing slave mini, to the delight of the group. Many, many, many minis go out, including a bunch who are actually standing on the water, while in the background Eben complains about martial adepts.

Maldrake: We should do the same strategy we did against the giant spider.
Thalynmar: I like to remind – especially the DM – that Ralth was able to dismember a Book of the Nine Swords guy pretty good.
DM: With surprise. (discovering a mini with its hands up) Who’s this surrender-monkey!?
Maldrake: I think we should do the same strategy against the giant spider and just… go back.
Eben: You mean summon the giant fly?
Maldrake: Remember the one we went over, and there was one of the bigger spiders crawling down the ceiling?
DM: And you guys – it escape and you refused to fight it any more. You were like, ‘Good battle, sir, good night.’

Drawing complete, the DM compiles initiative counts and brownie cake. Krixxix, first to act, is unable to see anything in the range of Thalynmar’s torch, and attempts to fire blindly – while also trying to claim his assassin and sneak attack bonuses. The DM laughs and Krixxix deals 6 points of damage. The first shot of Helm’s Deep has been fired! The lone elf advanced on Raven, cursing him but totally failing to hit with his electrical spell. Raven takes sword damage to the tune of 6, though!

Raven: Okay, I’m at half hit points already.
Maldrake: Didn’t you only lose 13 so far?
Raven: I wasn’t at full health to begin with, apparently.

Maldrake fires up the Daylight spell on the orb, bringing light to the battlefield, then scoots into position to prepare his breath attack.

DM: You whip it out, and this rather ostentatious fellow with crocodile jaws as a hat goes, “YOU’VE BEEN IN MY CHAMBERS! VILE TRESPASSERS! THAT’S MINE!”
Krixxix: You whip it out and this dude says, ‘Well, hello!’
Thalynmar: He almost sounds like a higher-pitched guy from Mad Max: Fury Road.
DM: These guys advance forward on the water, drawing out their spears.

Maldrake comes under heavy fire, taking 5 points of damage in total, while Lualyrr heals Raven for 13. Raven swings at the elf, who speaks a word of power and brings up a Shield spell between him and the fighter – who hits the elf anyway, but fails to trip. The DM reminds Raven he has a second attack, but he misses.

DM: As many of these guys who can hurl spears at Maldrake. But such is their inaccuracy compared to his mighty armor that you duck behind your shield and take the blows on your shield and armor. None manage to penetrate. One guy, however, has a rougher time of it.
Thalynmar: Aww, he impales himself.
DM: Because he’s rolling disadvantage. Let’s see here… Oh no! This could be interesting! Let’s see here… no, it fell in the water. The rest of them know their spears are out of range completely, so they can’t do anything. Thalynmar, you’re up.
Thalynmar: Move me diagonally five feet.

Someone does. Hilarity ensues.

Maldrake: Smash through that wall!
DM: Down into the water you go, make a Swim check…

Moved more appropriately, Thalynmar swings and connects! The elf seems worried now.

DM: “Pharblax! Get your people in here!” “I’m working on it!”
Thalynmar: ‘They’re killing me! They’re killing meeee!’
DM: “Behold my divine magic!” He shrieks a few syllables, and around you all the ground erupts, plants bursting out.
Thalynmar and Eben: Entangle…
DM: Entangling you all!
Raven: Oh great.

Saving throws ensue! Krixxix bitches for five minutes straight that the DM won’t let him use Dexterity or Dexterity-based skills to escape. Eben is up! And entangled!

Maldrake: I need a Player’s Handbook real quick… (looking behind him, where three sit on the shelf) Oh. I thought you grabbed them all.
DM: Yes, I’m keeping all the Player’s Handbooks, so you guys can’t look up your shit.
Thalynmar: Get good, assholes!

Eben prepares to employ Hunger of Hadar, attempting to bond with the DM who had originally recommended it only to discover the DM had forgotten about it, like, a lot. The giant cloud drops into the crowd.

Krixxix: Everyone who doesn’t move, Krixxix has instant death on!
DM: No, they have to have acted, which every single person in this combat has done now. We have had this discussion every single time!
Krixxix: How have they all acted!
DM: This guy is sitting here, guarding like this, and you think you should get a free shot on him, I don’t understand that! You’re getting the drop on them, you can’t get the drop on someone who’s acted in the combat!

Krixxix fails to escape the entangle, and the elf fires a Thunderwave into the PCs, sweeping up four of them. Everyone passes their saving throw except for Raven, who gets bowled backwards. Maldrake fires off his acid breath into a line of bullywugs.

DM: Wow, that’s a lot of natural 1s.
Lualyrr: I’m gonna put a Shatter right here.
Maldrake: Put it on this guy. Spear dudes are…
Krixxix: Cannon fodder.
Maldrake: At this point.
Eben: It’d be great if you could just dispel the magic and they’d all fall in the water.
DM: Bullywugs are really not fearsome foes.
Eben: That’s why it’s so humiliating that the Dungeon Master was captured by them. ‘Dear me! Bullywugs!’

Thalynmar gets bitten by a bullywug for a whopping 2, then eats a spear crit for 8. The DM accidentally reports this as 6 initially, leading Maldrake to yell angrily and refuse to add the additional 2 damage to Thalynmar’s sheet. (Thalynmar is unable to record his own hit points, as his arms are full of cat.)

DM: Raven, a fearsome halfling looms before you, what do you do?
Raven: I’m gonna break out so I can smite the fool!
Krixxix: Wait. How?
Thalynmar: He’s facing Krixxix.

Raven rolls 27, a natural 20, to break out, and returns to the front lines. Bullywugs scatter madly into the water to avoid the Hunger of Hadar; some die and most are injured. Thalynmar viciously crits with his glaive, being a fighter, for 26 damage.

Maldrake: Please be dead!
DM: You slam the glaive into his chest. He clutches at it… a spew of blood bursts forth as he clings to life!
Thalynmar: Should I Action Surge and finish him off…?
Krixxix: Kill him anyways.
Thalynmar: Who’s waiting?
DM: The guy in the back.
Thalynmar: Why’s he screaming?
DM: He sees you gearing up for the kill?
Thalynmar: Can I hold my action surge?
Krixxix: Kill him anyways! You hear Krixxix, “Kill him! KILL HIM!”
DM: You hold?
Thalynmar: Um…
Eben: He dies this turn or next.
Thalynmar: Stupid Lawful Good alignment. I’ll hold.
DM: The elf turns in surprise just in time to see the bullywug lunge forward, and his spear plunges into the elf. “I’m switching side! We’re on your side noooow!”
Eben: So he kills the dragon cultist?!
DM: “Traitor… knew… lizardmen… were better…” He slumps and sinks beneath the pond.
Krixxix: Don’t trust a traitor. They betrayed their first side, nothing says they won’t betray again.
DM: “I’m on my OWN side! Let’s talk terms!”
Krixxix: Kill them all.
DM: “All I want is the castle! Leave me the castle and take whatever you want out of it!”

The PCs pause to consider this, wondering how this affects their deal with the lizardmen. Krixxix is Krixxix.

Thalynmar: I AM NOT CHAOTIC.
Krixxix: I am!
Thalynmar: I’m not. I’m going to smack the shit out of you.
Krixxix: Throw a spear on the ground. “I’m holding auditions! I only have space for one!”
DM: “We’re just bullywugs down here, the lizardmen are upstairs. But we can kill you again. All right, let’s kill the halfling! That will endear us to them!”
Thalynmar: Hmmmmmmmmm….
DM: Krixxix, here’s your new character. The bullywug. You guys are what, 5th level now? He’d be right on level for you guys if we traded out Krixxix for him.

The PCs refuse to betray the lizardmen, and the bullywug leader hurriedly offers to declare a truce between them. The players give this some serious consideration -- it isn’t their problem, ultimately, and they could do some third party negotiation. The bullywug also tells them the treasure was taken through the magic circle.

DM: “They bring it to the circle and speak the word, which I know not. I – I – I am afraid I killed the person who knew the word. But I’m CERTAIN it is somewhere else in the castle! The great REZMIR surely knew it.”
Eben: “Rezmir…”
DM: “Rezmir, who lived here. She fled just as you came! Surely she heard the commotion. She and the mage swept through and entered the circle.”
Thalynmar: ‘Firstly, who’s Shirley and why did she know?’

Maldrake lays down the law: Bullywug leader makes lizardman leader for parley, and the PCs are going to find the teleport keyword. Refusing to trust the bullywug after his betrayal, they keep a very close eye on him as they return to ground level.

Maldrake: “Hear me, lizardfolk! The dragon cult is defeated! They have flown… flown the coop. Now the bullywugs seek word with you to decide the fate of the castle and your relationship between the two people!”
DM: In the inner ward, some of the lizardmen have set up—
Maldrake: It’s not a Facebook status! Lizardmen, relationship to bullywugs: complicated!
DM: The lizardmen face you down. Snapjaw is among them. “Heroes! What this you speak of? Parley?”
Eben: No, we said Parkay. We bring you butter.
Thalynmar: Butter supplement!
Maldrake: “We did not come here to slaughter one of two people. We’re giving you a chance to talk this out and decide what will be the fate. The bullywugs here only want the castle. What do your people want?”
Eben: Want dead bullywugs.
DM: The lizardmen withdraw slightly to confer. You get the sense that ‘dead bullywugs’ is pretty high up on their list. “We take IRON.”
Maldrake: The weapons I guess?
DM: “Yes! Castle is not for us, but its contents we will take. Bullywugs will know steel from us in time!”

The bullywugs agree to this and the PCs immediately run for the hills to try to avoid further debate. The leaders ramble a bit.

Maldrake: As you… uh… Was it… Snapjob?
DM: Snapjob! Whoa! It’s torture porn…

Snapjaw passes the job of searching the cultists’ rooms to the heroes, while Maldrake glares at the two species and insist they behave. Pharblex states the bullywugs will return to the caverns and allow the lizardmen time to clear out.

Maldrake: I like the idea of, they go downstairs. “We can’t wait, we go up.” And there’s lizardpeople up top knocking out a brick from a tower. (miming a tower collapse) We just turn around. “We didn’t promise them you wouldn’t knock down a tower…”
Thalynmar: Remove all keystones from the castle.
DM: “Shit, the teleporter was still down there! We forgooooot!”
Eben: Now it’s a bridge to nowhere.

Where to begin exploring? There are a few options. Snapjaw tells them the wizard lived in the guest room, so they elect to go in the keep first.

DM: You see a warm, comfortable room. The only things that have been left behind are a set of clothes tossed lazily on the bed, and a silver-inlaid redwood box.
Thalynmar: Welp, nothing here!
Krixxix: Open the box!
DM: Okay, are you rolling a Dexterity check to open it?
Krixxix: Nope, just opening it!
DM: You can’t open it. It’s locked.
Krixxix: Now I’m gonna roll my Dexterity check to pick that lock!

The DM calls for a Dexterity saving throw, and Krixxix takes 4 points of acid damage from an acid arrow, then 9 more points the next round. Inside the box, a spellbook!

Krixxix: Krixxix looks in the box. “There’s NOTHING in the box!”
Thalynmar: Slap.
Maldrake: I put my hand on your shoulder. “I WAS going to heal you but I guess I didn’t need to.”
Krixxix: Sleight of Hand, dude!
Thalynmar: So you’re saying we need to roll Perception checks to see if you took it.
Maldrake: “What’s in the box?”
Krixxix: “Book.”

The group angrily rages about useless money in 5E, as is their wont. They head up in the keep to investigate further, finding a sitting room, an office, and a nearby bedchamber with a loud, angry raven that they can’t communicate with.

Raven: Unfortunately, Raven cannot talk to ravens.
Thalynmar: (mimes furiously shaking the cage)
Maldrake: Don’t do that! Maybe ravens in this world look like parrots in our world, and he knows the words, and that’s where we’re supposed to get the words from.
Thalynmar: “D’ya know the words, raven?”
DM: It continues to squawk at you. Seems to be cursing you out.
Eben: In Draconic?
DM: No.
Thalynmar: “Does raven want some cracker?”
DM:You stuff some kibble down its throat and it shuts up.
Maldrake: You’re not sure if it’s quiet because it’s eating or choking.
DM: I assure you out of character, the raven has nothing to do with it.
Thalynmar: Then I commence to shake the cage to shit!

They farm the raven for dark side points, and digress thence into other video games. They search the room and come up with a strongbox beneath the rugs. Thalynmar tries to point the inevitable trap at Krixxix, but Maldrake cracks it open and they find the worthless loot within it. Up they head!

DM: On the top level of this keep you step into what looks to be an astrological observatory. Its key feature is a large telescope-like contraption.
Raven: What’s the telescope looking at?
DM: Are you peering in?
Maldrake: Yeah, peer into it!
Thalynmar: The ladies’ room!

Raven manages an Arcana check to identify the ‘farseer of Illusk’, which can look at both the stars and any location within 50 miles of it. Maldrake immediately realize what it’s used for.

Maldrake: The Princess of Evendale! She’s as pretty as they say!
DM: (horribly raspy voice) “No one must know…”
Maldrake: Awww!

They peer and see a dragon in a cave, followed by another dragon! But all this has given them no insight into the teleportation circle, so they head out of the keep and into the chapel. The chapel has, of course, been made into a shrine to Tiamat, complete with a reasonable-quality statue of the dragon queen in the middle of it.

DM: Snapjaw ponders it. Glances to you. Clearly something is on his mind.
Maldrake: “What’s wrong? I thought you people worshipped… Thinking second thoughts of your recent beginnings with the dragon cult?”
DM: “They offered us power but gave none.” Anyone want to Sense Motive on him? Or rather, Intuition?
Thalynmar: Oh my God.
Maldrake: Insight. Yeah, 19!
Thalynmar: 3!
DM: (stupid voice) He’s sad. You sense he’s trying to keep something from you.
Maldrake: As a copper dragonborn paladin, does that mean my service goes to the Platinum Dragon?
DM: Mmm, you’re vengeance, so he probably wouldn’t approve of some of the shit you’ve pulled… It’s wherever you want, really.
Maldrake: “Let me tell you about—“
Thalynmar: Hextor!
Eben: Do you have a moment to hear about…
Maldrake: I was just trying to point him to a better dragon. “I know we haven’t been together too long, but we can do what we can to help you people out. Questions or anything.” Persuasion, I guess?

Maldrake tosses out a decent roll. Thalynmar, meanwhile, is trying to find Forgotten Realms gods that would work for the lizardfolk, or alternatively, Maldrake.

DM: “I should have known I could hide nothing from heroes. Compartment, I show.” He stomps over to the black dragon head and opens up a secret compartment. Taking a dagger from it. I’ll tell you right now it’s a Dagger of Venom.
Maldrake: It’s still not the thing we’re looking for, for the teleport scroll. Damn it! I’m glad you told us, because I’d have been downstairs going, “All right, guys, this is definitely going to work!” (miming slashing his arm with the dagger, then collapsing)
DM: Welp! Pharblex is your new character now!
Maldrake: I wanna be Snapjaw!

Realizing the dagger is perfect for Krixxix, they immediately attempt to give it back to Snapjaw. Or stab Krixxix.

Thalynmar: We’re gonna do the right thing. We’re gonna cut his throat in the middle of the night so no hears it.
Maldrake: “Thank you. We’re still just looking for the words to the magic circle.”
DM: “Yes, head upstairs.”
Thalynmar: That sounded ominous.
Maldrake: So depressed!
DM: ‘I give away good dagger, you fuckers.’
Maldrake: The way he was acting it was like it was some kind of religious moment! I was really going to seriously going to have a moment to try to change him over to a different dragon god.
DM: I’m so sorry he was trying to hide loot from you!
Maldrake: It just felt like more! Like I was going have a moment with my fellow scaled one!
Eben: “I should have known I can’t hide from you.”
Thalynmar: “Lockjaw shallow..”
Eben: We didn’t ask for it!
Maldrake: We didn’t want it! I just wanted a fucking teleport scroll! I thought he didn’t want betray his god! I don’t want your fucking loot! I just imagine the look on that dude’s face…
Eben: Somewhere, Hendlar is like, ‘ooh, if I ignore this religious crisis, what may come of it?’ They were only worshipping Tiamat for selfish purposes.
DM: Most of them weren’t even worshipping Tiamat, they were just working for the cultists.

They head upstairs, passing through a library. Maldrake angrily pumps Snapjaw for information and tells him not to give them more loot. Unless it’s awesome. They head past the library and head into Rezmir’s living quarters, finding various items and flavor text, and at last the keyword to the teleport circle! The document also tells them it heads to the Greypeak Mountains, which the DM shows them as crossing the whole damn map practically. This is the end of Chapter 6 of the module – which means they are off to level up and head on another adventure!